A cure for the first is likely to come sooner than the second otherwise, so I’ll go with the second.
A glass of champagne or a cup of coffee right now?
ACK, hate coffee! So I take the champagne. Cheers!
Which do you root for in the Pac-12 Football Championship: Stanfurd, U$c, or meteors?
Moot point, right? Meteors.
Would you rather have domicile on a meteor, a comet, or high in the arctic circle?
Comet, because I could tour the universe and not have to worry about colliding with planets.
Would you rather be submerged in a cage in a diver’s suit with raw meat in shark-infested waters for one hour, or be suspended in a cage over the Grand Canyon for one hour?
Grand Canyon. I am not messing with sharks.
Have super-hearing but bad eyesight or vice versa?
Good eyesight, poor hearing.
Live in dystopia where people consider good to be evil and evil to be good, or a dystopia that says, “There’s no right and wrong, everyone do anything you want?”
The latter-Generally I have faith in people as a whole.
WYR live in the current DC comic universe, or the current Marvel comic universe?
Marvel. More interesting and fun.
Tag along for a patrol with Superman or Batman?
The chances I get to hear some baddie ordering me to ‘kneel before Zod’ are much higher if I’m accompanying the Man of Steel.
Own lakefront property overlooking a large lake or mountainside property overlooking a valley?
Gotta go with the lake. Something about open water pulls at my soul.
Play Monopoly or chess with a different person every day for a month?
Monopoly-Less chance of me being beaten in 10 moves or less. 
Eat the all of your meals at a Denny’s, or at a Sherri’s?
Denny’s, because it has variety and I’ve never heard of Sherri’s.
Give up sweets forever or give up salty foods forever?
I’m a saltaholic, and can easily forego sweets
Own a pet bird or lizard?
Reptiles creep me out, so I want a talking bird. I will teach it to say “Go Bears!”.
Gingerbread cookies or sugar cookies?
Gingerbread. Sugar cookies have no flavor.
Cure AIDS and cancer worldwide, but have the Republicans be in total political power for 50 years to come, or…leave things the way they currently are?
I’m a Republican, so the first option has no downside for me!
Have your favorite team win the championship this year, but never again in your lifetime… or have them start a long dynasty 20 years from now?
Barring a freak accident or a small Apocalypse, I’ll be around for more than 20 years, so option B (which I note does not preclude them from winning the odd championship here or there in the interim)
live in the alternate universe where you wrote the song ‘Putting on the Ritz’ or the alternate universe where you are credited with having popularized the handkerchief?
LOL, interesting choices. I pick “Putting on the Ritz” because that’s a cool song, and there may be royalties associated with it, that merely ‘popularizing’ the handkerchief does not come with.
Spend 2 hours in Friday traffic to get home, or stay 2 hours longer at the office and then only 30 minutes on the freeway to get home?
Barring the fact that I work in store that closes two hours before sundown for Shabbos and cannot stay open longer on Friday, I would gladly stay later to avoid two more hours on the bus.
New one: Have to listen to an endless tape of Rudolph the Red Nose Reindeer or have to watch the Star Wars Christmas Special for 24 hours straight?