To clarify, the tweet would need to be read aloud.
No thanks, I’ll sing. I often do it anyway.
Would you rather have a bad stutter or a pronounced lisp?
Lisp
Would you rather beat Michael Jordan in chess or Gary Kasparov in basketball?
Kasparov in bball would make for a slightly better story.
would you rather read a book about Norse mythology or eat a really good pastrami on rye?
Depends – will there be a quiz on the pastrami and rye?
Would you rather be descended from ancestors from a boring place like England, or someplace exotic like Iceland or Lithuania or Macedonia?
I’ll take exotic. (And Lithuania is exotic?)
Slash your wrists or take poison?
Poison. I hate pain and the sight of blood. And there’s a chance I’ll puke up the poison.
Live totally inside for the rest of your with all your needs provided for, or live as a homeless person for one year and then receive ten million dollars?
I’ll be homeless for a year. Even though a million isn’t what it used to be . . .
You’ve been given a million dollars, which you must spend in six weeks. Would you rather be forced to spend it on yourself, with the caveat that it can provide no long term value or benefits; or spend it on others, with the caveat that all of it must provide long-term value (except to you, no buying a house for your spouse. . .).
Hookers & blow galore or build an orphanage…that’s a toughie. Give me a minute, I’m thinking here.
Okay, I guess I’ll go the hoo…erm, build the orphanage.
Would you rather have a large crater on the moon (visible to the naked eye) named after you or receive a non-stick frying pan that would last 12 years before needing to be replaced?
Large crater on the moon. The store I work at sells non-stick pans.
Find a person with whom you could have mind-blowing sex, but nothing else, for six months, or a dull sexual partner you could have fun with for the rest of your life.
Either of those is better than what I’ve got goin’ on now, but I’d give the edge to fun for life.
Would you rather live in a teeny tiny house that you can’t really afford that’s walking distance to work OR a larger house that you can afford but spend 2 hours every day in commuter traffic with the worst morons and assholes you can imagine?
Big house. There are ways to pass the time on commutes.
Be required to shoot off 10 minutes of fireworks every night before bed or slam every door you walk through?
Slamming every door gets rid of frustration. Fireworks are illegal and dangerous.
Be best friends forever with Hannibal Lecter or Jeffrey Dahmer?
Well, one doesn’t exist but is probably still alive in his fictional version of 2016, while the other is real but already dead. That aside, Dr. Lecter is a far more interesting person, so if he was in a very secure prison and I was in no personal danger, I guess I’d pick him.
Go back in time to speak for one minute to Robert E. Lee or Ulysses S. Grant?
Lee. I’d love to hear him rationalize it all
One million dollars for yourself or five million for your favorite charity?
I’m a terrible terrible person and would take $1M for myself. hangs head in shame, but only for a minute, then heads to Amazon
Hell or high water?
High water. I can swim. Hell is… well, hell.
Cold water or iced tea?
Iced tea, usually.
Iced tea or iced coffee?
Iced coffee.
A perfect steak, but it’s 24oz and you have to eat every bite; or a.“breakfast bar” and that’s your whole lunch?
Stuffed or starved? I probably have more experience with stuffed, so therefore need to starve a bit more.
Have to watch five hours of opera or five hours of WWE rasslin’?