I have a great postcard on my refrigerator.
Art: Two truly pissed-off-looking middle-aged people sitting grumpily in front of the lawyer’s desk.
Lawyer is saying: " ‘Divorce settlement’ sounds so cold . . . we prefer to call it a ‘post-nuptial agreement’!"
The expressions on the faces of the couple are priceless.
Then there’s the ever-classic “How can I miss you if you won’t go away?”
I actually saw a card in a Hallmark store that you could send people letting them know you were getting a divorce. All it said was “[outside]I just wanted to let you know … [inside] … I’m getting a divorce.” There was a beautifuly flower-filled meadow on the front, and the “sentiments” were in a lovely script font. How lame is THAT? Like you couldn’t just call somebody and tell them?
Front of card: I lost 130 pounds
Inside: I got a divorce.
wasn’t funny when I heard it either :rolleyes:
These were (I’ve read) entries in a *Washington Post * contest to write a rhyme with the most romantic first line, and the least romantic second line. They’d lend themselves well to divorce greeting cards, methinks:
Love may be beautiful, love may be bliss
But I only slept with you because I was pissed.
I thought that I could love no other
Until, that is, I met your brother.
Roses are red, violets are blue, sugar is sweet, and so are you.
But the roses are wilting, the violets are dead, the sugar bowl’s empty and so is your head.
Of loving beauty you float with grace
If only you could hide your face.
Kind, intelligent, loving and hot
This describes everything you are not.
I want to feel your sweet embrace
But don’t take that paper bag off of your face.
I love your smile, your face, and your eyes.
Damn, I’m good at telling lies!
My darling, my lover, my beautiful wife:
Marrying you screwed up my life.
I see your face when I am dreaming.
That’s why I always wake up screaming.
My love, you take my breath away.
What have you stepped in to smell this way?
My feelings for you no words can tell
Except for maybe… “Go to Hell.”
What inspired this amorous rhyme?
Two parts vodka, one part lime.
I used to say that you’re the best there is
unfortunately, there’s no Olympic “Bitch” competition
After all these years of marriage,
I’m taking off my ring and giving you the finger
Thank you for teaching me about the finer points of theology
Being alone will be heaven compared to the hell you’ve put me through
Well, at least I won’t have to worry about what to get you for Christmas…
It’s court-ordered!
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Oddly enough, the Hallmark website does not have a section for divorce cards.