In about two weeks my divorce will be granted by the local courts and I will officially be a free agent. Mixed feelings about it but overall, I’d say on the positive side. That said, I checked hallmark for some ideas about cards for divorce. There are none. No surprise there… but I think there ought to be. Don’t you?
Here’s your opportunity to write me, QuickSilver and the former Mrs. QS your best funny, poison pen, sarcastic, sincere or mundane and pointless DIVORCE greeting card.
Have at it. 
You once told me you couldn’t live without me.
(open card)
I think it’s time you lived up to your promise.
Front cover has a photo of a horse and saddle, and a guy with one foot up in the stirrup, getting ready to mount.
Open card and it starts singing “Back In The Saddle Again”.
Roses are red
Violets are blue
My life is better
Since I left you
Our D-I-V-O-R-C-E
Becomes final today
And I’m so H-A-P-P-Y
You’re goin’ away!
I actually saw this one once (and wish I’d bought a bunch of them).
The front has a picture of a bunch of flies buzzing around. The caption says, “Ten million flies can’t be wrong.”
On the inside it says, “Eat shit.”
Flowery picture on the outside with the words in cursive (preferably pink) “Our Life Together”
Open it up to a picture of a divorce decree and a giant smiley face with the words:
"Has SUCKED.
Deliriously happy that it’s over.
Eat me."
For you I itched
So woo I pitched
Then we got hitched
But then you bitched
So now you’re ditched!
Think once.
Think twice.
Think: Don’t drive your car on the pavement.
Not that the last line has anything to do with marriage or divorce. It’s just the first quote that popped into my head when I read the title.
I still miss you.
But my aim is getting better.
Now I know you were the reason
For my chronic ass pain.
You got that far away look.
And the further away you get, the better you look.
Excellent!!
Okay, without actually thinking before I post. Off the cuff, as it were, how about a Hallmark Moment?
My Darling Ex-Wife,
When we married you were the light of my life
And I of yours.
Together we set out to sail the tranquil seas of Matrimony.
But caught in a squall, we were tossed in a tempest our Love could not overcome.
And so in our lifeboats we sailed our separate ways.
Our lives will continue, yours and mine.
And as they go on, we will often think of each other.
I’ll think of you getting older and wrinklier
And how your body will rot in its grave, consumed by weevils and worms.
Blessed Be! that I won’t have to be round you to watch it!
You guys rock!
Our love blossomed truly,
we had lots of fun.
We spent quite a while there
as Mrs. and Mr.
But now that it’s over
and everything’s done
There’s one thing to ask you:
Can I date your sister?
I gave her rings.
I gave her money.
She never was happy.
She always would spend.
You came along.
She’s your baby now.
The front picture is a woman standing in a mall with her hands full of shopping bags. Inside the left panel has a pile of receipts.
:smack: I coulda had a V8.
A picture of a large wooden door on the front, inside it reads
“It’s the last thing of mine that’ll touch your ass. Adios”
or
A cartoon dog on the front shrugging his shoulders, inside it reads.
“What can I say, you’re a bitch”
or
On the front of the card are two columns Plan A and Plan B Under the plan ‘B’ column is a revolver, duct tape and a shovel, under the plan ‘A’ column is a paper that has a large heading that says ‘DIVORCE’ inside it reads,
“One way or the other.”
I have one I bought for myself in New Orleans…
It shows a voodoo doll, with lots of pins in it. The message says, “Even if the marriage wasn’t magic, the divorce can be.”
I decided I could do better.
Our D-I-V-O-R-C-E becomes final today
And I’m so filled with G-L-E-E
Cause you’re goin’ away.
I can’t stand your sight
So this’ll be pure
H-E-A-V-E-N to me
Oh I’ll be so glad when we get
Our D-I-V-O-R-C-E!
Tammy Wynette is spinning in her grave.
What Man Has Put Asunder
Let No God Join Together.
Two Paths Divulged Within a Wood…
You going that way? Then I’ll take this one…good.