Exasperated area man issues restraining order against his moonshadow.
Checkbook balancing is best done in the express checkout lanes, claims area grandmother, loves the extra attention.
SDMB themed:
Marianas Trench Pilot Lt Walsh Admits Watch Stopped: “It Was Probably Only, Like, Ten Minutes”
Area Man Wins Vociferous Debate, Dog Found Burning
Plane on Treadmill Trials Inconclusive, Boffins Analysing Results, Rioting
Really? In case you’re serious, it’s a play on the old jokes about how playing with yourself will cause hair to grow on your palms – or go blind, I’ve heard that one, too.
Thanks for the kind words. (scratch, scratch) Hmm, I need to shave. Hope I can find the damn razor this time…
Internet Celebrity Claims he Owes it All to Jesus
Popes Multiplying Uncontrollably
Shepherd Lacks World Enough or Time
Pirates Make Unintelligible Demands
Untouchables Touched
Largest S&M Club in the U.S. Protests Policy of Torture: “Says enough is enough.”
Miss Manners Attends Wrong ‘Tea Party’; Stomped by Angry Mob
Team Fans Conflicted After QB Credits Allah for Superbowl Victory
Republicans blame Obama for groundhog forecast of six more weeks of winter.
Bill Engvall to blame for sign shortage.
Area man enters third item on list; says “Hi” to Opal.
TSA unveils new “No terrorists” policy
Study finds ghosts 34% less scary than before
Jesus saves! Red Wings win 1-0
Aliens postpone invasion until “Lost” finale
Boogeymen come out closets to protest repeated gay jokes
Nazis debut cuddly mascot to appeal to new facists
Loggins Does Not Want to Play Godamned Danger Zone.
I actually wrote an Onion-style article with that headline. I’ll have to see if I can find it somewhere.
Superbowl winning QB smitten after not giving God the credit he deserves.
Smited, I hope. Unless God fell in love with the QB’s no-nonsense, self-aggrandizing style.
Dictionary says it’s smitten. I thought it was smited at first too, but apparently not.
Cab Driver Has All The Answers
Low Rent Strip Mall A Litany Of Blasted Dreams And Broken Hopes
Man Sitting In Row Behind Business Class Seething With Class Envy
Your Mother Wondering Why You Don’t Call
Celtic Singer Screeching About Leprechauns Or Whiskey Or Some Damn Thing, Audience Reports
Obama Secretary Leaks New Initiatives to The Daily Show.
Chinese Censorship Causing Massive Plummet in Lolcat Market
Hamas to Spend $3.5 Million on Commission for “Moe Anthropomorphization”, says Palestinian Leader.
Area Man Claims He Is Not Really From Area
If that title was supposed to be witty, yeah, maybe you should go play somewhere else.
Dude. What’s that all about?
I just came in to post that y’all are really good at these. Gave me a good laugh today. Thanks!
Also, on our companion site, OnionCooks.com:
Spicy Alien Gumbo: “tastes like chicken!”