Area Teen Repossessed after Parents Fail to Pay Bobby Jindal on Time
ETA–sorry, I just couldn’t resist that one!
NFL considers Pat Sajak’s head for location of new L.A. football stadium.
Laverne and Shirley Cast to Reunite for Dinner Theater Production of DIARY OF ANNE FRANK
Dubai Announces Plans to Sell QE2- Prince Philip and Terrified Brits Form Human Shield Around Her- she’s especially terrified of being sold down river
Taylor Lautner Turns 18: Lust Among Adults No Longer Borderline Ephebophilic or Just Icky as of Today (though fantasies of a three way involving him and Daniel Radcliffe may be)
George H.W. Bush Acknowledges Paternity of Small Connecticut Tribe
John Mayer to Host NAACP Image Awards(will leave penis at home, he says)
Jesus Christ Returns to Earth… Sees His Shadow, Ascends Back Into Heaven
Sorry it’s kinda Obama-heavy:
**
Obama Regrets Giving Hillary Clinton New Cell Phone Number After Receiving Fourth Chain Text Message Today
Body Rejects Dick Cheney’s New Heart on Principle
Harvard Medical School Research Team Still Snickering At the Word “Congenital”
Obama Totally Creams Sotomayor in Pickup Game of Hoops
Supreme Court Upholds Pontius Palate Ruling
Drew Brees to Receive Free Chocolate Brownie Explosion at French Quarter T.G.I. Friday’s
Obama Still Refusing to Ride in Back of Limo
Debbie on Extended Leave Due to Acute Case of the Mondays**
Project Gantt Chart Tells A Vile History Of Treachery And Lies
5-Month-Old Cell Phone Inadequate
The One Chick At The Place Was Just Like, Fuck, You Know
Study: Mimes Make Lots Of Noise When Set On Fire
Point-Counterpoint:
Who’s A Cute Little Kitty? Who’s A Cute Wittle Kitty-Witty? Is it You?
By Carla Asper, Cat Owner
vs
I Am Profoundly Ashamed And Humiliated By My Owner’s Juvenile Nonsense
By Pickles the Cat
applause
Dewey Decimal System declared unconstitutional by High Court.
**Demon-Slaying Child Says He Got Idea from Video Game
Kobe Bryant Humiliated That He and Teammate Wearing Same Thing to Game
Zach Galifianakis Still Not Getting Laid Despite New-Found Fame
War In Iraq Surpasses Vietnam War in Vietnam War References
Meryl Streep Still “Totally Doable”, New Study Finds
Area Asshole Wearing Asshole Sunglasses
**
That one is good!
Man opposed to taxes refuses hospital admission, dies.
Football declared 'the one where your foot actually touches a ball’
Man finds ‘significant, worthwhile use’ for ipad
NASCAR racer takes wrong turn, disastrous results
Save The Children has real saved children on display in the Union for the next two weeks.
50 Years Later, America Decides “Internet” Worthwhile.
Oh, you mean it has to be a parody? :smack:
British Muslims Fear Repercussions Over Tomorrow’s Train Bombing.
(can’t claim credit, saw that one before…)
Nashville Scene Readers’ Poll selects Potholes as biggest improvement to traffic flow issues: drivers forced to pick a lane and stay in it.
**Hamas Protests Israeli Plans to Build New Disneyland on West Bank
Area Catholic Priest Mildly Uncomfortable Purchasing Apple iTouch
Emoticon Overused**
Ether way, that’s good! Real good.
Yankees purchase Dominican Republic as farm league
Increasing demands of 4D films rips hole in fabric of space-time
Cannibals open fast food restaurant next to morgue
Technophobic elderly immune to robot uprising
Thousands of Cattle Disapear from Iowa Farmlands
McDonald’s offers 39 Cent Cheeseburgers
Nation’s fathers sigh, say health care law could have been better, but they’re proud of it anyway.
After complicated health care and the finical crisis, voters say they don’'t feel like learning about the upcoming global warming crisis.
Your Mom Was Good Last Night
Trespassers Violated
Iceland and Greenland Finally Switch Names
After centuries, a pact between them restores common sense in naming islands.