Yawn, I'm bored

The BBQ Pit
1

Anyone fancy an argument?

It can be about anything you like. You state your position and I’ll take the contrary view.

Or should I start?

Whilst looking for tiny anomalies on the Moon’s surface I inadvertently found myself eyeballing some breasts. I pulled my gaze away until I realised the breasts were coming for my guns. So I fired a shot toward them but missed and shot Cecil Adams instead, and now Im sitting here in a concentration camp patrolled by jack-booting, be-uniformed moderators.

Who communicate in Morse Code all the time, so I can’t understand them.

sigh, I really should at least try to get some form of life.

2

I think you’re really smart.

3

It took me a second(I’m kinda slow some days) but this amused me to no end.

4

Posted by Slip Mahoney:

I cannot believe you said this. You have absolutely NO evidence for this statement. Please support your argument using cites where appropriate.

There is no way Im smart, Im the dumbest dumbfuck who ever tried to fuck a dumb, or something…

5

:expressionless:

[sub]I have the distinct perception of the universe curling in upon itself[/sub]

6

I think you should stick around. You might learn something.

7

THANK YOU, EVERYONE! THANK YOU VERY MUCH.

Ahem. For my next trick, I shall make Seethruart go to see a psycologist.

8

I’m going to concede your point.

Well done.

9

You know what I hate most about this place? it’s how we’re all chained to the wall, shivering, naked…fed nothing but a crust of bread and some piss water, and we only get that when we hit 100 on the post count.

We can’t go anywhere else, we HAVE to post here, and post all day, we’re forced to do it. We’re SLAVES to the SDMB.

And not even in a fun way.

Oh wait.
none of that is true.
I think I’ll go have sex.

jarbaby

10

HA! Thank you.

NEXT!

ummm…hold on, did i miss something there…

11

OK, Sisyphus.

12

Yes, fuckhead, you missed my argument. The one which suggests that you should stick around, and that you might learn something.

What you were supposed to do was to argue that you are incapable of learning anything, and you were supposed to actually win one of your insulse jack-off fantasy arguments for once by wrapping up your frail intellect in your red-checked picnic blanket and traipsing away from this place, forever.

I say again, you prepubescent tsetse fly:

I think you should stick around. You might learn something.

Play to win, boy, and go away forever.

13

Sofaking,

Ok, fine, Im willing to argue that point, as long as you are willing to argue the contrary - that I SHOULD stick around and that I MIGHT learn something.

So, cites as to my brilliance please.

Just in order to support your argument, you understand.

14

This is the last time I shall ever address you directly, xanakis, so listen up.

You are in the company of great people. Authors. Astronomers. Doctors. Lawyers. Bartenders. People of substance who enjoy learning and trading information.

You, on the other hand, offer nothing. You haven’t even asked an intelligent question, and you haven’t learned from the patient answers to the stupid questions you have asked. You bring nothing to the table, and you are worthy only of my contempt.

I’ve read your diahrreal blatherings for a week now, hoping that at some point, somehow, you would catch a clue the way other children catch colds. It didn’t happen, and I don’t think it’s going to happen. Making you feel unwelcome also fails to send the message to you. I was hoping maybe now that school has started back up, your parents might be putting you to bed a little earlier, but if your parents cared about you, you wouldn’t be asking for us to babysit you.

From this point forward, I declare you to be incorrigibly ignorant. I will never again post to a thread you create. I will never again respond to your mindless static. You are persona non grata to me, like you already are to so many people smarter than I am who knew better than to feed you with the attention you so richly do not deserve. But I, at least, can learn from my mistakes.

Go forth, and continue to be the poster child for everything that is inane and uninteresting. After all, if you can’t say something smart, at least you can annoy smart people. You will serve as a reminder to me that no matter what I do, or how hard I do it, I will always have to deal with ignorant fools.

And, um, ultrafilter? Could you help me set down this rock?

15

Sorry, but I’ve had as many dealings with Seethruart as I intend. I leave him in more capable hands.

16

Sofaking:

oh, how I wish that were true.

Wow, Im impressed.

hold on, aren’t you supposed to be arguing the other side - that I am worthy of salvation?

ok, I’ll try to somehow come to terms with this but it won’t be easy since you are one of my all-time heroes.

Sorry, I took this as a compliment. Was it not meant to be?

I still dont get it, you’re supposed to be presenting the opposite view not the side of the argument Im supposed to be arguing.

What side of the argument do you want to take? Stop changing sides.

17

If you need any volunteers, I’m sure I could scrounge up a few. :smiley:

18

I’m sorry you feel that way. Maybe I should perform for you? Since, after all, I am here to entertain King xanakis. Perhaps, for more entertainment, you may throw chicken drumsticks at me while I juggle plates and peform acrobatics on a unicycle atop a high wire and sing Albania’s national anthem. And then, for the climax, I will do a backflip off of the unicycle and high wire, land on the ground (no net for the xanakis’ amazing private performer FUB!), catch all of the plates (breaking nary a one), and make a delicious cheese souffle! All for you! I hope that you are not bored now.

But!

If you still are bored…
I will offer you a fine selection of the most nubile virgins from our village. You may have your pick. Hell, take two or three - anything for King xanakis, who suffers from the incurable boredom! I will then give you a full-body massage and send you to a spa (on my bill, but of course) for mudbaths and steam rooms galore! I hope that you are not bored now.

But!

If you still are bored…
I shall sing arias from every opera in the history of the world. I shall serenade you with every violin concerto ever written. I shall do hilarious impressions of political figures, all for your enjoyment. I shall paint your portrait. I shall perform serveral styles of dance, including ballet and interpretave. I shall compose sonnets about your wonderfulness and your legacy. I shall interpret Shakespeare’s greatest soliloquys. All for your pleasure, King xanakis. I hope that you are not bored now.

But!

If you still are bored…
I will show you hilarious pictures of “if they mated.” I will pay people to kiss. I will throw magnificent balls where only the finest of royalty will attend to socialise and dance. I will arrange for you to pitch the first ball in the first game of the World Series. I will buy you a fantastic menagerie, comprising every animal on God’s green Earth, no matter how rare! I hope that you are not bored now.

But!

If you still are bored…
I cordially invite you to screw yourself!

19

FireUnderpantsBoobs,

May I use your entire post as my sig?
With humblitude (it’s a word to me, dammit!) and awe,

-Slip-

20

Hell, I’m thinking of getting it published. Do you think anyone would buy it? :slight_smile: