First let me say that I have looked through the numerous other threads on this and didn’t see this answered. But there are a lot of them and it’s possible I’ve missed it.
So, online dating, I’ve read the profiles and the helpful comments on the various threads here and I’m alright with creating a profile.
I’m wondering about what to write in that initial e-mail to someone, I’ve been thinking about it for a while and have to admit that I’ve absolutely no clue where to start, how to pitch it, etc, etc.
Since there’s a few dopers actively using online dating sites I figured this’d be a good place to ask for advice, thoughts, anecdotes, whatever. So, fire away, what would/do you write in an initial e-mail, what would you like to see in one ?
An e-mail that would grab my attention is one where the person comments about something that I have said about myself in my profile, something that they perhaps can relate to. From there, the e-mail would ask me further questions about that particular part of my profile.
If you want to grab someone’s attention, show that you are really interested in what they are interested in. Ask them to talk more about who they are. It is the best compliment you can give, and it would certainly make me want to respond to you and learn more about you as well.
Keep it short and snappy. Say hi, tell them you liked their profile, particularly (insert some detail here that shows you actually read it). Maybe ask a follow-up question or make a joke, then sign off.
Don’t write long letters on first contact. It sends the wrong message, and is discouraging when you get no response, as you inevitably will to 95% of the emails you write. If they actually respond to your first email, then you can go into more detail.
Especially ask a follow-up question. It allows the person you’re writing to have a jumping off point. You don’t want them to struggle with coming up with a reply. You want there to be an obvious reply built in.
So, if they say, “I love opera,” you say, “I see in your profile that you love opera. Which opera is your favorite?”
Cool. Thanks for the answers everyone. What I’m getting here is “Short(ish), Relevant, Give them a ‘hook’ to reply to”.
That’s all good to know, I suspect my natural tendency might have been to go on a bit but I can see why this might not be ideal.
Since I’ve started this thread I’ll add another question. On the pay sites, like match.com, I take it you can read sent e-mails without having to pay but have to pay to reply. Is it ‘the done thing’ to include a separate e-mail address in your initial mail that they can reply to ? Is that against most sites rules ? Do people normally try and get round that ?
I can imagine that the dynamic on places like match might be quite different when you’re never quite sure if the people you’re contacting have paid up. I know there are free sites out there as well, but I’m interested in how the pay ones work.
Definitely include an off-site email address in your first email! (I assume you have an “anonymous” Yahoo or Hot Mail account – use that.) There is nothing more annoying than having to pony up cash to respond to someone you’re not sure you’re interested in, but who’s at least worth swapping a couple of emails with while you decide.
Say something like “My yahoo address is studmuffin1 (good for IM and email) if you’d like to get in touch that way.” If she’s a paid member and wants to stay on match, she can, but if she’s not, this will absolutely help beef up your “getting an answer” stats.
I think most people try to get around this. I had a profile on Yahoo! - it was free to have a profile, recieve message and send “icebreakers” (short, pre-written messages that basically say, ‘I like your profile, check out mine’), but you had to pay to actually send a personally written message to someone. I never paid, but most people who replied to my profile or icebreakers would include an e-mail address for me to reply to (it’s how I met my fiance!). I don’t think it was against the rules, as they were still making money from the person who wrote the original message. It is, however, against most sites’ rules to include an e-mail address directly in your profile.
Heh, you noticed the absence of a link there then ? It was kinda deliberate as I wanted answers to some specific questions and there have been lots of ‘rate my personal ad’ threads before – with good advice in them.
Plus I wanted to have a look over it again myself, I really need to find a better photo of me but turns out I don’t have many photos of me and most of the ones my friends have are either group shots or have me looking like a doofus. Or both.
