That’s what gets me: people find out how much it would cost, and then think, “Oh! I’ll just ask him to do it for free!”
It’s like asking your contractor friend to remodel your kitchen instead of getting you a birthday present. This is, after all, my job; why should I do it for free?
If you were cold and heartless, you wouldn’t have been so affected by this trap. Cos that’s what it is :mad:
I make jewelry as a hobby, and a couple of times I have had acquaintances (not even close friends, and in one case a classmate I didn’t even like) suggest that I might give them something for free. Uh, no. I think a big part of it is ignorance of the amount of effort that goes into creating/performing something, and the amount of time that had to be spent practicing before one was good enough to do anything worthwhile. Plus some people just have an awful lot of nerve.
I imagine musicians are subjected to this even more, because with jewelry-making, sewing, photography, etc., there’s at least a demonstrable cost for materials involved. With musicians, Bridezillas probably think “Well, she already OWNS the viola, so I’m really just asking her to donate a few minutes to play something for me. It’s amazing what professionals charge just to show up and play a little tune!”
So wait. As far as this couple knows, the OP can barely play a note? Surely there is some potential comedy to be had here.
Maybe I’m very sensitive and I just assume other people are too. But then again, I can’t imagine ever asking a workplace friend to play at my destination wedding for free, so in that regard I completely lack empathy.
I ran away from Miami partly to get away from some workplace craziness. I know I’m not to blame for dude flipping out (he ended up having a nervous breakdown and being fired from his job), but now I’m all hypersensitive to other people’s reactions to me.
I don’t think it requires a lack of empathy to be surprised by someone else’s poor manners. Your coworker is the one who displayed a limited understanding of/lack of care for other people’s feelings.
You can also look at it like this: Wilma and Betty, mostly likely, do the same thing with every other female coworker that shows up. Perhaps some of the guys. I’m sure they’ve made a few others say stuff like “Er, no, I actually don’t want to give you $50 for Susie’s baby present”. So, assuming they are used to pushing boundaries, they are also used to hearing a firm “Thanks but no.” You won’t be the first and you won’t be the last person to turn them down. People who get really upset with hearing “No” also tend to be very shy about asking in the first place, and these ladies aren’t shy.
If they have never heard you play, you should agree to do it, but tell her you want to “go over a few songs” with her first. Then, play something in some god-awful fashion and act like nothing is wrong. See how long it takes for her to come up with an excuse to drop you.