Huh. Well, if that’s the case, then the slacker-mom can explain to her children that they don’t get anything because she was a poor planner. 
Seriously…it still wouldn’t bother me all that much. If the mom is picking up the tab, it’s all good. I’d just let it go and make due with what’s at hand.
See, that’s the way to handle it, pull the person aside and say, yes, actually it is a problem, here is why. I’m sure you didn’t realize, but keep it in mind for next time. I mean, if you think someone is trying to walk all over you, then the way to stop them is to say something, starting with a non-aggressive and friendly manner. It’s a kid’s party, but the adult is the one your dealing with here, even I know how to manage those.
If he hadn’t have pulled her aside it wouldn’t have been pretty. Budgets are tight. Yes, she did pay for the extra kid, but not for the first kid and not the additional costs the sprung up on all the kids. So she paid $13, I paid… let me figure my math:
Original plan 7 (6 RSVP’d plus daughter) at $11/kid = $77.
12 kids (plus daughter) appear at now $13/kid = $169.
She pays $13 for the one additional kid.
$169 - $13 = $156. I paid an additional $79 for the party. Not cool.
I was quite pissed. Lots of last minute scrambling. Party Helper called in. Food was late as they planned for two pizzas, not three.
It’s a rule in my house that if The Kid is invited to a party and I don’t see the invitation until too late - she’s not going. Period. I will call the parent an apologize, noting delay in receiving invite. Even if the parent says it’s okay I still decline. I make a point of calling the night before the RSVP ‘deadline’ and confirming attendance. The Kid saying “Oh, yeah, Jazzmyn said she’ll be at the party” is not sufficient.
I’m a pain about it, I know. But I agree completely with crazyjoe - it’s just not okay to “show up”.
Wrong again. I already pointed out to crazyjoe, all the way back in post#6, that the best way to handle non-RSVPers is precisely this: i.e., to track them down after the RSVP deadline (but well before the event) and squeeze a straight answer out of them. So we agree on that much, at least:
Why my goodness, are you implying that I might be expressing myself with more animosity and strong language in a post in the BBQ Pit, which is specifically dedicated to animosity and strong language, than I would actually use in real life? Gadzooks, Sherlock! How long did it take you to figure that one out? :rolleyes:
In terms of this particular situation, I think you’re spouting bullshit. You’ve been dancing around the issue with vague hypothetical situations, but are you willing to come right out and say that it would really be just fine with you if your best friend not only completely failed to respond to your weeks-in-advance party invitation (for which the venue required a firm advance headcount, btw), but then left you a message five hours before the event flatly informing you that she was going to be there, without even asking if it would still be okay?
Really? You wouldn’t think that your friend was being somewhat of a selfish inconsiderate bitch? You wouldn’t consider that her failure to let you know till the last minute whether she was planning to attend your (fixed-headcount, invitation-only) party counted as jerking you around a bit? Your only reaction would be gladness that your friend would be at your party after all? Really?
If so, I congratulate your best friend on having found such a spineless patsy to take advantage of. If not, I don’t think you have any business criticizing other people’s condemnation of such behavior as rude.
I’m totally with you on this one, and in fact I would rule out the latter option altogether. No, the host doesn’t under any circumstances get to get up on a cross about how terrible it is that a (promptly-responding) invitee has (politely) declined the invitation. What a host issues are invitations, not military orders or royal commands.
Selfish inconsiderate hosts are just as bad as selfish inconsiderate guests. Hosts have no right to expect that the guests will slavishly sacrifice any other consideration in favor of attending their party, any more than guests have a right to expect that hosts will slavishly just put up with any decision they make about when (or whether) to respond to the invitation or whom to bring if they do attend.
Honestly, world. There are only a few childishly simple etiquette rules involved here:
1. The host of an invitation-only party is entitled to specify explicitly on the invitation who is invited and whether a response is required, and if so, by what date.
2. The recipient of an invitation is entitled to freely choose to accept or decline the invitation, for whatever reason.
3. If a response to the invitation is required, the invitees must make up their minds whether they intend to accept or decline, and politely convey their intention to the hosts on or before the response date.
4. Barring emergencies, the invited guests who have accepted the invitation must show up at the event as scheduled, without bringing along any uninvited guests, and those who have declined the invitation must stay away.
There. That’s it. What could be more fucking simple than that? Abiding by these rules would eliminate the need for all these aggravating additional hassles like chasing down non-RSVPers, trying to find excuses for why you can’t accept an invitation, guesstimating how many non-RSVPers will show up after all and how many uninvited people they will bring along, making last-minute arrangements with caterers about extra places, waiting around for mysterious no-shows, awkward explanations at the event itself with surprise attendees, trying to entertain uninvited tag-alongs whom you’ve never met or heard of in your entire life, and finally just giving up on invitation-only parties altogether because you can never get within 20% accuracy in estimating who’s going to be there.
And it would leave us all with more time, energy, and good-nature to deal politely with genuine exceptions and emergencies such as “I’m terribly sorry we didn’t show up this afternoon, we had to take little Johnny to the ER”, “I know you’re really busy getting ready but I just wanted to let you know my previous engagement that I told you about fell through at the last minute, do you still want me to come to your party?”, and “Oh Aunt Ida, I feel terrible, I kept meaning to call you to say I couldn’t come Sunday but I just stupidly forgot!” It’s a lot easier to be occasionally kind and gracious when you’re not having to deal with the constant irritation of other people’s chronic selfish rudeness.
Heh, that’s an idea. Maybe there’s a business opportunity here: like professional bill collectors chasing down debtors on unpaid bills, we could have RSVP collectors chasing down non-responders to invitations.
“Mrs. X? Hi, I’m calling about the invitation you received to the wedding of Melissa Y and Thomas Z. I just wanted to remind you that the RSVP deadline is two weeks past, and the hosts haven’t received your response yet…”
Then subsequent calls, if necessary, could work up to the level of “If the hosts were nice enough to think of you as somebody they’d like to have with them on their special day, and were prepared go to the trouble and expense of entertaining you, the fucking LEAST you can fucking do is to fucking TELL them whether you can be arsed to fucking SHOW UP!”
I think quite a few hosts would be willing to pay a reasonable fee for that service. 
Well, I just go back an hour ago for my cousin’s daughter’s first birthday party. The most extravagant thing was an extra cake for her and her two year old brother to “smash” and get cake and icing all over the place. The other was an adorable Sesame Street cake from Giant Eagle.
Thank you! Seriously, some parents at our little school must have been raised by wolves- there is one mom who hasn’t RSVP’d to a party in 5 years! But her kids are always there. And as far as “adult” functions go? It is unthinkably rude to not RSVP if one is requested, period. It is shockingly rude to not show up after a “yes” RSVP, to show up after a “no” RSVP, or to bring a guest when no guest was indicated on the invitation.
Sheesh, people. Manners matter. It shows class and a decent upbringing- if you didn’t start out that way, please start right now. If you received a written invitation, acknowledge it with the appropriate response.
It occurs to me that there are some people who may not have any idea what “RSVP” means. Perhaps we should dispense with the French, and just write what we mean: “Please reply if you can/cannot attend”.
So anyway, what did happen in regards to Lady B McB?
I thought of that (although this gal seems fairly well educated), so every time she doesn’t respond I always follow up with a phone call a few days before the deadline- “Hey XYZ, I haven’t heard from you about the party, I know my boys are looking forward to seeing your boys if you can make it, but I need to know for sure for all the details! You know how it is! So call me and let me know by Friday whether or not you can make it!”
Nothing, of course.
Frankly, I am disappointed in myself for accepting this behavior from her, but her oldest and my oldest are good friends at school so I put up with it twice a year (once for each of my kids’ birthdays). But she is such a flake, I’ve never let my kid over there unsupervised…
Oh, and for a horrifying WTF moment- my kids are going to a combined b-day party for two brothers this afternoon. IIRC, the boys are 7 & 5. I spoke to the mom yesterday, and there will be 56 kids there. :eek: :eek: :eek: I assume she is barricading the cul-de-sac and taking over the neighboring houses… unbelievable. I will report back on the earth-destroying chaos later tonight! 
She and her daughter came, there was a party, and everyone had a good time.
The bowling alley is going to get a letter from me, however. There’s a party for 14 kids going on, and the manager sends the only other 2 employees out to the parking lot to do some painting.
He was completely swamped with stuff for us, and our service was slow as a result. I don’t understand how he thought that was a good idea.
Dear God in Heaven. Is the mother doing penance for some horrible, unspeakable sin? Possibly involving kittens and chainsaws? Otherwise, I can’t wrap my mind around this.
I have no idea how many kids were there- it was a lot. The chaos was stunning- I think Stephen Hawking should have been there. 3 bouncy things (2 houses and a slide), food and drink (and a bunch of drunk parents).
A fine time was had by all! Oh, and Psycho Mom made all the food herself (except for the pizza). Good God, woman, you live in a house that cost over a million bucks- get a frigging caterer! And quit making the rest of us look bad…
It didn’t kill her, so props, I guess… you won’t catch me pulling off shit like that, ever. I don’t even want that many kids to know where we live.
ETA- and to the OP, I found out that she didn’t invite that many kids originally! Mission creep strikes again! “Oh, so-and-so is visiting, we’ll just bring them along…”, “Oh, you know Johnny, he used to be at swimming, he and his sister are at our house this weekend, can’t we just…” and the mom couldn’t bring herself to say no.