"You don't look too bad, you just need a boob job."

The BBQ Pit
1

I’ve spent years my life trying to come to terms with my appearance. I’ve dealt with a lifetime of insecurity brought on by my inability to deal with my relatives’ fat-phobia. I was the shyest kid in school, and the first to need a bra. Not exactly a recipe for self-confidence. I spent years hunched over, trying to hide the obvious fact that besides being somewhat chubby, I’m also very top-heavy.

Eventually I got to a point of self-acceptance. I now walk tall, shoulders back, good posture. I wear fitted tops that don’t make me look pregnant, because I don’t feel the need to hide myself. I have learned to deal with the fact that I am overweight and busty. I look almost exactly like my dear, wonderful, late aunt who was funny, smart, and one of the most loving people I have ever known.

Tonight I felt for a split-second like that insecure teenager again. I was chatting online with a friend of mine, who I’ve been considering as possible dating material. We were talking about weight, losing it, etc. He unloads this little nugget of positivity: “I dont think you look too bad, except that… if you don’t mind me being frank… you seem to have too much of it all in one place.”

No fucking way, I never noticed. Thanks for pointing it out, you’re a real pal. He then goes on to tell me of the women he has known who’ve gotten reductions ‘for health reasons’. I had no idea such a procedure existed. Thanks for making it all clear to me. Your helpfulness knows no bounds.

He ain’t the first person to tell me this, either. Jesus fucking Christ, people, is it really necessary to tell someone with an obvious physical characteristic that might not be the norm how they can ‘correct’ it? I would never tell a guy with a two-inch dick “hey, you know…you could use a few more inches, there. I know some guys that have had great luck with penis enlargement surgery.” I can’t believe the number of people who feel free to comment on my size, as if they’re commenting on the weather. People I’ve just met, people I’ve known for a long time. Everyone has an opinion, but some people just can’t seem to keep their opinions to themselves. Color me bitter if you want, but I want people to shut the fuck up about my tits. I am well aware of their existence. If I want to pare them down, I’ll do it on my own goddamn terms.

2

Good rant, but your analogy is off. If you’re saying what I think you are (that you have larger than average breasts), then it would be like you telling a guy that his dick is too big and he could do with lopping off a few inches. No self-respecting guy is gonna do that. Neither should you get a breast reduction unless it is recommended by a doctor.

3

That is perhaps the first time I’ve heard of a male commenting that they might be too big. :eek:

I can’t really sympathize, but I can empathize. The most I’ve ever gotten was people insisting on calling me Amish because I wear a beard without a moustache. That’s nowhere near the pain in the ass the comments you get must be, but I can imagine how it is.

4

Good rant, but your analogy is off. If you’re saying what I think you are (that you have larger than average breasts), then it would be like you telling a guy that his dick is too big and he could do with lopping off a few inches. No self-respecting guy is gonna do that. Neither should you get a breast reduction unless it is recommended by a doctor.

5

Agreed, with a caveat: If you feel back stress or pain, a reduction might not be such idea. However, if you’re comfortable with everything and there is no physical discomfort, then tell those people to screw off.

6

Damn hampsters.

7

elegiac first let me wonder and stare at your post count. It is 0, zero, zip, nada. Hmm, could you do me a favor and reply so that I, who needs a life obviously cause I am staring at your post count, can see what happens.

Now on to your post, I think a book that should make the rounds again is I’m ok, you’re ok. Alot fo folks need to learn that lesson.

I assume you have crossed him off of your “potential suitors” list. What a maroon.

8

…I’ll need to see pics myself.

9

Well, yeah, I gotta go with Deb, there.

I mean, anyone can say the wrong thing… but… well… there’s a difference between “saying a little too much” and… um… “being an idiot.”

10

I know a woman who had a breast reduction in her early twenties. She was plagued by back problems, and from what I can tell from photographs (clothed ones), she definitely looks more… ah… balanced now. She’s also much happier, as it improved her posture and her self-image.

That said, I would never, ever tell anyone what they should do with their body unless they asked me first. If they ask me to tell them what I think, and be honest, then I will. However, I would never offer such a thing up out of the blue, and I would certainly never advise cosmetic surgery just based on my own personal tastes.

The first, most important question to be answered is whether you’re happy with how you look and feel. If you are, then other people’s opinions matter not.

And with that, I’ll shut the fuck up about your tits. :wink:

11

A better book to recommend as required reading for the masses would be any tome of Miss Manners, telling people that their opinions are not necessary and are wholly inappropriate until such time as they are explicitly sought (and even then their expression should be governed by how close a relationship the speaker has to the victi… audience).

12

I’ve had a breast reduction. While it’s one of the single best things I"ve ever done, I would never tell anyone to get one unless they decided for themselves to do it.

I know how you feel though. Please feel free to email me if you’d like to chat.

13

Screw I’m OK, You’re OK AND Miss Manners. What you, Elegiac, need is a book called You Just Don’t Understand, By Dr. Deborah Tannen. It’s about the difference between the way men talk and the way women talk. You would find much discussion releveant to this problem.

Y’see, when a woman talks about her problems, she is seeking rapport; she wants to establish common ground, build a little team, maybe get some validation. The woman she’s talking to knows what the expected response is: sympathy, sharing a similar story (but NOT in one-up fashion), etc. Tannen calls this “rapport-speech.”

Men, however, don’t do “rapport-speech.” They will interpret the conversation by men’s rules; when men talk, they’re either establishing status or exchanging information. When a man hears someone else talk about a problem, he seeks to gain status by providing information. This is why many men never speak of matters of personal importance – the information gained isn’t worth the cost in status.

When a woman tells a man about a problem, he will seek to solve the problem; he will proffer advice, suggest a course of action, offer to beat someone up – something. Your candidate is probably thinking to himself, “Why the hell did she ask the question if she didn’t want an answer?” It won’t even occur to him that you didn’t ask; you were talking about a problem, so you must have been asking for advice, 'cause why else would you be talking about it? Right?

14

BTW, my post is a perfect example. You didn’t ask, but I answered anyway. :slight_smile:

15

Ah, they’re 1920’s style “Death Rays”.

16

Honey,

Next time somebody says that to you, just ask them if you are now allowed to make condescending comments about their appearance, and suggestions for medical changes.

Also tell them that you’d appreciate them picking up the tab. It’s not cheap, and it’s getting harder to get insurers to agree to cover it.

General comments about your boob size need to be met with a cold, unblinking stare and a very curt and chilly “I was unaware that it had become the time of day in which one makes personal and unwelcome comments about other people’s bodies. Could you step back so I can get a better sense of exactly what it is that I want to comment on about you?”

There’s also the old stand-by. A good loud “STFU, loser.”

Oh, and on-line guy needs to be told that he’s just lost a chance at being considered for dating material. Not because he’s been uncomplimentary, but because he’s a genuine dumbass.

17

“A breast reduction? What a stellar idea. Might I suggest you look into some cosmetic surgery for your face?”

18

Funny, I’ve had women suggest breast reduction surgery (I suspect a few times that it was jealousy that was inspiring the comment) but I’ve never had a man suggest that. In fact, at least one man got green around the gills and was appalled at the mere suggestion that I get them reduced.

And yeah, it’s a mind-bogglingly rude thing to suggest. Good grief!

19

People never cease to amaze me. I think a lot of people just want to put others down to feel better about themselves. Something that’s happened to me more times than I’d care to remember: I mention in passing to a friend that I think such-and-such woman is cute, and my “friend” will say, “She’ll never go out with you - you’re short.” Yeah, thanks for pointing out that I’m short; it’s been almost five minutes since anyone mentioned that to me. I had completely forgotten about it.:rolleyes:

In conclusion: some people are just idiots.

20

Good.

Better: “A breast reduction? What a stellar idea. While I’m there, I’ll ask if the doctor can do anything about that foreskin crawling up your neck.”