You have a crush on me.

Yes, it’s true.

Those feelings stirring inside of you are lust for me.

You might mistake it for diarrhea, but you’d be wrong.

I will even bring you Pepto-Bismol if you are afraid. I will administer the dose in a fine silver spoon, which I will polish for hours.

Only in your dreams have you had me, baby. But in your dreams you can’t get enough. All you want to do is sleep, but that keeps you away from the real me.

You even love my miniscule penis.

You buck against your pillow, dreaming of me.

Don’t hide from it baby. You want me freaky-style. And I will give myself to you like you want me.

Nothing can deny us, honeypot.

Something tells me “freaky-style” is about my only hope with you.

Not that that’s a bad thing…

-L

I will submit to your desires. If you want to eat cheetos out of my navel, your wish will be granted.

Should you request me to rub garlic on my chest and sit in a sauna, I will comply to make you happy.

Yes, should you require me to cover myself in velveeta shells and cheese and let a goat eat the packaging while you use cocktail silverware to sample each individual shell, I will do it.

Whatever you ask for.

Except for pickles. I won’t do pickles.

So you gave me the tingly feeling? Can I send you my doctor bill?

[QUOTE]
*Originally posted by Mr. Cynical *
**

I don’t want to know what you plan to do with that exclamation mark, man. I really think that whatever it is, I’m probably not going to like it…