A moose once bit my sister…
:eek:
Moose bites are preti nasti.
…you think the Teletubbies are kewl when Tinky Winky yells, “RUN AWAY! RUN AWAY!”
…you’ve got a ferret sticking up your nose (extra points if it’s the exploding kind.)
…you have to push the pram alot.
…you’ve ever dreamed wistfully of inventing the file-cabinet cannon.
…you know why American beer is like making love in a canoe.
-David
You know there are more varieties of cheese than there are available at the local Safeway
You can name British Prime Ministers chronologically
You know that you can build a bridge out of a witch
You know that very small rocks can float
You know what a pantomine horse really is
You know that penguins do NOT come from Burma
You have a t-shirt with the lyrics to the Lumberjack Song on it (I really do)
You can name some cricket players
You feed your goldfish sausages
You attempt the Silly Walk in public
The best of all is that people mutter to themselves and shake their heads after they finish a conversation with you!!! 
“You screw up just this much and you’ll find yourself flying a cargo plane full of rubber dogshit outta Hong Kong!”
I say, anyone for giving the cat influenza?
You’ve ever painted your lawn with Wintrex®.
You’ve ever acted in a trench.
You’ve ever acted on boxes.
You can’t tell the difference between Whizzo butter and a dead crab.
You talk about a friend’s property as encompassing HUGE…tracts of land.
Oh, btw, what’s brown and sounds like a bell?
DUNG!
This is my post.
It is my post.
It is a post… and it is mine, which is to say, it is my post.
(pause)
Alright, the next thing I’m going to say, IS my post. Ready?
Ahem. Ahem. Cough. Cough, cough. Cough. Hack. Hack. Scrape. Cough. Ahem.
My post says that you might be a Monty Python fan IF…
You are embarassed easily, and recite the words “grunties” and “wankle rotary engine” to combat it.
If you get beaten verbally or physically you shout: “Hey! You saw it didn’t you? You saw 'im opressing me?”
When people use the word “enough” you immediately respond “Enough for what PURPOSE?”
When someone asks you a question you say, “That’s a rather personal question, isn’t it sir?”
And that is my post. Which is mine.
Great thread.
After further intellectual review… ah, screw it, I went and cut the lawn, OK? I have composed the following, with half-hearted apoplogies to D. Letterman et al, the Top-10 list for this thread’s topic:
- You know more kinds of cheese than anyone else
- You assume that anyone you meet named Dennis is a muck-gathering anarchist
- When your wife accuses you of picking your nose, you angrily reply"I wasn’t picking it, I was just scratching!"
- The Silly Party is the only true political alternative
- money really does make the world go 'round
- You’ve never read Chekhov, Shakespeare, Hardy, nor Dickens, but you can name many of their works
- You’re the only person in the room that laughs when either llamas, penguins, sheep, or albatrosses are mentioned
- the “Sit on my face” song is legitimate foreplay
- Half a bee, philosophically, could, ipso facto, half not be
- Wolverhampton Wanderers beat Leicester 3-1 to win the 1949 FA Cup
you have to exclaim to your wife after eating hallibut that it was good enough for Jehova.
Blessed are the cheesemakers.
You use “Crealm” toothpaste.
When someone smiles widely, you think of Conrad Poohs and his dancing teeth.
I’ve run out of BEANS!!!
“And they were forced to eat Sir Robin’s Minstrels. And there was much rejoicing…”
“Now go away, you empty-headed animal food trough wiper!!!”
And finally, something that I have actually been known to say:
“I told 'im we already got one…”
You know the benefits of being the village idiot.
…you believe that every sperm is sacred, every sperm is great, and if a sperm is wasted, God gets quite irate.
…you get your head nailed to a table by Dinsdale Piranha
…you win first prize in the All-England Summarize Proust competition
…you apply for a grant from the Ministry of Silly Walks
…you believe the whelk is a randy little rapist who’s always on the job
…you believe supreme executive power derives from a mandate from the masses, not from some farcical aquatic ceremony
If someone asks you, “How are you feeling today?”, and
you answer, “Better…better get the bucket”.
at least once a day you repeat to yourself…
I wandered lonely as a cloud
That floats oer the vail on high
When beneath I saw a crowd
A host of golden worker ants.
Or…
I met a traveller in an antique land
Who said six vast and trunkless legs
Stand in the desert.
And on the pedestal these words appear
I am Ozymandius, King of Ants.
As big an ant as you’ll ever see.
Look on my works, ye termites, and despair!
We often tell the kids when they come in from playing and have a bump or a scratch that it tis only a flesh wound.
The other day I went to Wal-Mart and got the giggles because they had shrubs on sale. My husband thought I lost my mind.
you buy “Kenya AA” coffee in a coffee house, and tell the
clerk you want “Kenya AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!”
…when surprised, you’ve been known to yell, “My lack of God, it’s Trotsky!”
…you know the directions to the local Young Men’s Anti-Christian Association.