You might be a Monty Python fan if..

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
121

Size 9. Why?

You know the lyrics to “Jerusalem” by heart, but cannot hear them without visualizing Eric Idle in bed with a guitar and Carol Cleveland or without singing “And did those teeth, in ancient times…”

“Have you tried W.H. Smith?” “I did, they sent me here.” “Did they?”

You try to avoid saying the word “Mattress” at any cost. (“Oh, he’s in the box again. Hey, someone said “mattress” to Mr. Lambert.”)

Btw, I can’t scroll back to find out who it was, but it’s spelled “blancmange”.

“Today on ‘Blackmail’”…

“Five is RIGHT OUT!”

“…bloody tourists singing, “Touremelinas, Touremelinas”, complaining about the food, ‘Oh, it’s so greasy here, not like they have at home’…”

“You want to complain!? Look at these shoes; I’ve only had 'em three weeks, and the heels are worn right through.”

“No, I want to complain about…”

“If you complain and nothing happens, you might as well not bother. I’m stuck in here on a fine day, and I’m sick and tired of this office.”

“We’re on film!”

You agree that “Remembrance of Things Past” can best be summed up with, “ohh, ohh, there’s a big bloke, oh, what’s his name? Swann!”

122

That’s very interesting, as I am now made entirely of tin.

123

Ahhh, ha ha Splunge.

124

THAT’S THE STUPIDEST THING I’VE EVER HEARD!!! GET OUT!!!

125

If you know your favorite color is Blue…NO PlAID!

AHhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

126

Don’t take that litterally. He actually means all producers of dairy products.

127

Question: Was the shtick with the Pope and “Michelangelo,” discussing Mike’s Last Supper, a Monty Python bit? You know:
In re the disciples:
“It’s just that there are twenty-eight of them.”
In re Christ:
“Would you tell me what in heaven’s name possessed you to paint this with three Christs in it?”
In re payment:
“I want the Last Supper [not the “Penultimate Supper”] with twelve disciples, one Christ, no kangaroo–by Thursday lunch or you don’t get paid!”
“Bloody fascist!”
“Look! I’m the bloody Pope! I may not know much about art–but I know what I like!”
End of bit.
Dr. Demento played this when John Cleese guested on his radio show. Am I out in left field about this? Is this not even a Monty Python bit at all?

128

It was performed by the pythons in their stage shows (recorded on film in Hollywood Bowl).

Unfortunately, I don’t have a good source for it’s original credits handy here. I’ll take a look when I get home… unless someone else has the Golden Skits of Wing Commander Muriel Volestrangler lying around? :slight_smile:

129

“–No welcome could be more heartfelt that that which I am sure you will all want to join with me in giving this great
showbiz stiff”.

“–A man who not only has done more than not anyone for the Society, but nevertheless has only done more.”

“Would you like me to show you the door?”
“That’s very kind of you, but I saw it on the way in.”

“Doctor! Doctor!! DOCTORRRR!!! MY BRAIN HURTS!!”

“I think there should be a tax on people who are standing in Water”!! (Looks down at his feet, which are in several inches of water)
"Whoaa!

“You said Michael Ellis”.
"No i didn’t. I said I’m jealous of your ant.

130

you expect the moderator to come in, declare that this thread is getting too silly, and close it.

“It’s UncleBeer of the Yard!” :smiley:

131

of bumping a month-dead thread…
But I’m WAAAYY to much of a Python geek to let this pass, even if though it died before I’d registered.

…I’ve got both them AND “Mynot Phonty’s Bongosok”! (Ooh, I feel a song coming on…)
I’ve got two legs from my hips to the ground, and when I move them they walk

>WHACK!<

Moderator: “Cut that OUT! Yer not goin’ into a song while I’M here.”

I’ve heard them sing it BOTH ways. Can’t remember which is in the “Bongosok”. I’ll check. [sub]That is, if anybody cares anymore.[/sub]

and Olent? It’s obvious you’ve got “All the Words”, since you knew how to spell blancmange. What the hell IS that, anyway?

to answer the OP:
…if you’re aware that surely the Greatest name in German Baroque music is Johann Gambleputty De von-Ausfern-Schleppen-Schlitter-Crasscrenbon-Freiddigger-Dingle-Dangle-Dongle-Burstein-von-Gnackerthrasher-Applebanger-Ticholensic-Granderknotty-Spelltinkle-Grandlich-Grumblemeyer-Spelterwasser-Kurstlich-Himbleeisen-Bahnwagen-Gutenabend-Bitte-Ein-Nürnburger-Bratwustle-Gerspurten-mitz-Weimache-Luber-Hundsfut-Gumberaber-Schönendanker-Kalbsfleisch-Mittler-Aucher von Hautkopft of Ulm.

…at one point, I had this whole name memorized(a LIFE? What’s that?)

…if you’ve ever NOT taken a vacation, maintaining that what’s the point in going abroad? Your just another tourist, barted around in buses, surrounded by sweaty, mindless oafs from Kettering and Boventry, with their bloth baps and their bardigans and their transistor radios, bomplaining about the tea "Oh they don’t make it properly here, not like at home…

(Yes, I once had this one memorized as well.)

…and everyone’s queueing for the bloody toilet, waiting for the bloody bus to take you to the bloody hotel that hasn’t yet been BUILT. And when you finally get to the half-biult Algerian ruin called the Hotel del Sol, after paying half your holiday money to a licensed bandit in a taxi, there’s no water in the pool, there’s no water in the bog, there’s no water in the taps, and there’s only a bleedin’ LIZARD in the bidet…

(What a stupid bunt…)

132

If you got to http://www.ask.com (Ask Jeeves)

and type in “What is the air-speed velocity of an unladen swallow?”

See what you get!

(also type in “is Jeeves well hung?”

he he he

133

Another dog?

Looks a bit Bath and Wells-ish to me.

And always remember: Never be rude to an Arab.

134

accountancy is my life. . .

135

You had a friend who got a job in a garden shop and was thereafter always referred to as Sam the Shrubber.

Your spouse describes the people he works with as an anarcho-syndicalist commune with a rotating leadership. (Okay, in that case it’s the spouse who’s the fan, but I surely got the joke.)

You want a political T-shirt proclaiming that “Strange Women Lying in Ponds Distributing Swords Is No Basis For a System of Government”.

Something that’s dead has ceased to be.

When you’re teetering on the edge of danger, you warble, “I feel happeee…”

To get someone to be quiet, you interject, “Stop that! Stop that!” and wave your arms around.

You’re looking forward to your spouse’s next birthday, when you can start calling him “Old Woman” and he can rebut with the proper line.

#1 way to tell you’re a fan: you’ve forgotten that you’re quoting Monty Python, since all those phrases have become an indelible part of your speech.

Hmm. Most of these seem to be from MPTHG. That is the one I’ve seen most often, but years ago I was a religious watcher of “Flying Circus”.

136

Your nipples explode in delight!

137

…your best pick-up line is: “Do you waaant to come back to my place, bouncy-bouncy?”

138

…You call your dentist “Lemming of the BDA” and ask where he’s hiding the guns

…All of your pets are named Eric

…You ask what the penguin is doing on top of the television

…You’ve broken a man’s vow of silence by stepping on his foot

…You want to be called “Loretta”

…You’ve tried to “take the bra off of the debutante (sp?)”

…You’ve ever told your doctor “My brain hurts!”

…You joined the army for the water-skiing and the travel

…You asked a bookstore worker if they might have “The Amazing Adventures of Captain Gladys Stoutpamphlet and her Intrepid Spaniel Stig Amongst the Giant Pygmies of Beckles”…volume 8

…You’ve asked the burglar if he’s really an Encyclopaedia salesmen

…You’ve asked to have a twist of lemming

…You can see nothing wrong with one healthy man beating the living daylights out of a little schoolgirl.

Ok, I think I’m done now…

139

Well, I’ve found the script here

140

Blanc Mange = a vanilla custard/pudding type dessert.

And doesn’t “Deidre” mean “something to do with moonlight.”

“Be a man, Arthur Pewdy!!”