See below
Your favourite colour is blue… no… red…
When you see a line up of people you feel the urge to yell - “Your all individuals”
When someone gets called into the bosses office for an interrogation you find yourself walking past muttering… " Release Bwian ".
One of your stock standard phrases is “You utter utter bastard”
You think a perfectly acceptable hiding place from your mother is achieved by sticking your head in a bucket or throwing a towel over you.
…You know that you can’t eat a piston engine raw.
If you get very irritated when something is not logical.
If you see two policemen, and wonder if their names are Doug and Bob.
If you can quote from King Lear in John Gielgood’s voice.
…and once a week there’s bloody cabaret in the bar featuring some tiny emaciated dago with nine-inch hips and some bloated fat tart with her hair Brylcremed down and a big arse presenting “Flamenco for Foreigners”. Meanwhile the Spanish National Tourist Board keeps insisting that the raging cholera epidemic is merely a mild outbreak of Spanish Tummy, rather like the previous outbreak in 1614 that killed half Europe…
You DO expect the Spanish inquisition.
Please excuse my wife, she has a heart of pure Formica.
Everytime you see a can of sardines, you think of the Hide and seek world championship.
You believe that the world is banana shaped.
At the game, you try to buy sheep’s ears and wolf nipple tips.
if…
you can’t hear Bush referred to as “shrub” without hearing the words “a shrubbery” screeching in your mind…
When asked what to do about something, you reply -
“Nothing my dear, you’re not qualified!”
Or if your mobile phone ring is “sit on my face”
It took me about 3 hours to program it into my Nokia 3210. I’ve had people offer me serious sums of money for me to send it to them (up to $30), but I always refuse. It is my phone ring that I have, which is mine, is mine. It belongs to me cause I spent an afternoon and programmed the fucker into my phone. Sometimes it rings on the bus and someone starts laughing.
One thing I’ve got in some vague memory, is of a skit, in which a serious military parade is taking place and suddenly the soldiers start prancing around and chant one of the campest peices of language I’ve ever heard. I’ve no idea what it is. A friend of mine insists that its:
“Don’t cry for me, you military fairy or I’ll scratch your eyes out”
Is that what they say, or not? Also, where abouts was it? I get the feeling it was in “and now for something completely different”, but I can’t find a copy to be sure…
Episode 22, Big_Yellow_Kingswood (right after Raymond Luxury Yacht).
And seeing as you’re Australian, you like me probably go the the bottle shop thinking, “This is a wine with a message, and the message is beware.”
Burma!
…you have a bouquet like an aborigine’s armpit.
(Apologies to the abbo’s on the boards! That’s not me! It’s a Python quote!)
Upon observing a member of the local intelligentsia search his sinus cavity for various parasitic organisms, you find yourself thinking…
And now, a man with a tape recorder up his nose.
While cycling, you become firmly convinced that the person in front of you truly has three buttocks.
And, of course,
You are a true master of Putting Things on Top of Other Things.
E-Sabbath.
… you refer to your somewhat inept team leader at work as “Reg”.
… whenever there’s a bit if dissention in the ranks during a conference, you turn to your MP fanatic co-worker and mutter, “but other than that, we’re solid!”
… you know more names of dead composers of classical music from Decomposing Composers than from their actual music.
… you’ve considered changing your religion because you’re worried that Heaven is really going to be that bad.
… you were disappointed int he Sydney Olympics because there was no Mens Being Eaten By a Crocodile event.
… your standard response to trouble-makers is “It’s people like you wot cause unrest.”
… you interupted the big courtroom scene just as they’re about to announce the verdict with the phrase “Not Esther Williams”.
corallary
… you tell someone who is about to spill one of your embarassing secrets, “You say anything about that and I’ll do you for treason.”
Yes, it’s on ANFSCD. I don’t know the words by rote, but that sounds about right.
“Stop that! It’s silly!”
You’re invisible. At the office where you work, people just
ignoorrree you and paass by as if you weren’t even there…
I remember that sketch. I love the way that just before the soldiers go into their prancing routine, the sergeant major, in a very official miltary sounding voice orders, “CAMP IT UP!”
…and everyone just keeps on ignoring you and passing you by…sometimes you feel like you’re not even there.
InternetLegend might be confused (or not).
That makes me think of the "Rat Tart’ sketch.
(warning - vaguely recollected)
“For dessert we’ve got rat pie, rat custard, rat cream, and strawberry tart”
“Strawberry tart?”
“Well, it’s got some rat in it.”
My sister and I once did “the Penquin” while washing dishes. Sure does help pass the time.