That’s not taking taxes into account: Social Security deductions and such.
Deducting taxes and making the hours 30 a week… She’ll be PAYING to work to work!
All this concern for a ‘damn’ kid.
Fuck you, MetalMaven for treating this innocent child like garbage already.
Hang on, you gave them combined incomes and were slightlyover the limit?
Now you say just his wages will put you over the limit alone.
You were right to drop the math class.
What Arden said. You can’t just call them.
Make an appointment. Have the caseworker base the numbers on three people living in the house, not two. And have said caseworker figure the numbers based on two incomes, and then again on just one.
Start with your local Department of Social Services (It’s now called Family Independent Agency here in Flint–I don’t know if that was a nationwide change or not). They’re the government social services agency.
Then try Catholic Social Services, and Lutheran Social Services. No, you do not have to be Catholic or Lutheran to avail yourself of them. They simply get the bulk of their funding from those churches. And damn fine work they do, too. I used Catholic Social Services 14 years ago when I relinquished my daughter for adoption, and I cannot sing their praises enough. And during my most recent major crisis (I think you know which one I’m talking about), we had a caseworker from Lutheran Social Services who will someday be made a saint (even though she’s a Buddhist).
Salvation Army is also pretty decent. They’re more than just thrift stores.
Most cities have some community outreach programs. Some are sponsored by specific churches, some are not. But all can provide some assistance, or point you in the direction of assistance.
And if you have trouble finding phone numbers (which really shouldn’t be a problem, but you never know who’s going to be listed where sometimes)…call one of your utility providers. Specifically, power or water (community agencies do not help with phone or cable bills, because those are not “essential” services). I work in customer service for the City of Flint, and spend most of my day answering questions about water bills. I cannot tell you how many times a day I get asked “are there any agencies that can help me with my bill?” All of the clerks in my office have a list of agencies that provide assistance.
Some of the agencies provide emergency cash assistance (i.e. they’ll help you pay a bill if you’re facing a shutoff, not cash in your pocket). But most can provide stuff. Like, clothing and food.
Hope that helps.
And don’t even think about going back to work two weeks after this baby is born. You’ll end up having to take more time off. For most average women, the heavy bleeding doesn’t stop until 7-10 days after, and the lighter bleeding and spotting can continue for even longer. And the pain…oh yes, you will be in pain. That tends to last for a while. The cramping as your uterus works to return to normal size can get pretty bad sometimes. Most times, it feels like a particularly rugged period, but sometimes it can get so bad you’ll swear it’s labor again. But it’s not just your uterus that’ll hurt. It’s your whole freakin’ body. Pregancy, labor, and delivery is a total body experience. You have to rest, and two weeks just isn’t enough time.
Here’s a website that you might want to look through. Even if you don’t think you qualify I would suggest calling the number and seeing what they can help you with.
This is definately something that you’re going to need if you absolutely have to go back to work.
Maven
Why are you having such a hard time comprehending that you will spend every cent you make working on daycare?
It’s a simple concept, really.
I honestly don’t understand why you’re not getting it.
You’ll probably make enough with just your husbands salary to qualify for assistance. You said in your LJ you wree 10K over. Your salary is a little over that. So, logically, without it, you’d qualify.
Not a difficult concept!
Gah!
Please answer this! It’s very simple! It doesn’t take a goddamn rocket scientist!
Can some one send me the link to the LJ so I can see exactly what’s going on?
I am frightened for that child.
Check your mail Shadi
Am I the only one who foresees this family ending up on Springer?
The child in therapy at the very least.
Black baby clothes? WTF ever. Good luck finding those.
Could someone also send me the LJ link? Thanks so much.
and you still don’t get it. This is how life works out for you right now–you actually can not afford to go back to work. You will actually lose money if you go back to work. What little income you get will be paying for childcare and formula. If you stay home and don’t get the check, you won’t have to spend money on those things. If you work, you’ll be spending every penny you earn on those things. So why kill yourself? Stay home, save the money, and take the extra time to improve yourself.
I’m going to say it again. Any money you earn now will be absolutely cancelled out by the costs of childcare. It will be as though you are working for nothing–as though your fast food place is a charity, and you’re volunteering. You will essentially be working for free. That little extra that “keeps you afloat” will disappear–it won’t be there, whether you work or not. Either way, the money won’t be there, it’s gone. Whether you stay home or not, that money won’t be paying your house payment. Whether you stay home or not, that money won’t pay for your car. If you’re going to sink without that extra money, then honey, you are going to sink no matter what you do. End of story.
Third time’s a charm. Working your minimum wage job will not bring in any money once the baby comes, because all the money you earn will be eaten up by childcare costs–costs caused by the fact that you’re working. So either way, you’re going to lose your wages. And if you go back a week after childbirth, you’re going to lose more than that.
Now, if you had a job that paid more, it might be worth it. You might be able to cover childcare and formula and then have something left over, and that would be worth the trouble–but as things stand, you will have nothing left over, and likely more costs than your wages can cover.
As things stand now, these are, realistically, your choices.
go back to work, lose every penny of your wages (and likely a bit more) to childcare costs. Since new parents don’t get to sleep–babies don’t sleep through the night for quite awhile, and need to eat every four hours or so–you’ll be low on sleep, weak from childbirth (and that’s if everything goes routinely, which it doesn’t always), possibly endangering your health, and fed up with a job you hate.
Don’t go back to work. You still don’t have much sleep but you can nap when the baby does. You won’t have the extra money, but then you won’t have the charges for child care, you won’t pay as much in gas, you might even be able to get rid of the second car, as 1010011010 points out. The amount of money you’ll have to make the house payment and the light bill and the groceries and such will be pretty much the same as if you worked, maybe even slightly more, since some costs, like gas, or car maintenance and insurance, will be lower. You’ll be able to recover, you won’t be working a job you hate, and you’ll have the chance to take baby to the library and actually try to do something about your college degree so that maybe you can get a job that would be worth working at.
Both choices, same amount of money. One leads to long-term improvement, the other mires you deeper into the shithole you complain about so much.
I know there’s resistance to not working. Boy do I know. When I had my first baby, I looked at my paycheck, looked at daycare costs, and the price of formula, and it was immediately clear that I couldn’t afford to work. But my image of myself has always been of someone who took care of herself, someone who made her own living and wasn’t dependent on anyone, and the idea of being a stay at home mom was really distressing to me. I would have no “job” when people asked what I did. I would have no money that didn’t come from my husband. I disliked that idea extremely. But the math spoke for itself–we would lose money if I worked.
It’s been hard. My self-esteem took a hit, and I’ve had to readjust my ideas of what makes a person successful, what “counts” as work. But I’ve also been able to learn skills that helped me pick up a job I can do from home, largely on my own schedule. Some of those skills will come in handy when the three year old goes to school and I can head back to the job market. Those are long term benefits you, yourself can take advantage of. There’s an ocean of things you can learn if you just sit down and study and try, no fees required.
I don’t believe every mom has a duty to stay home with the kids, but I do believe that every parent has a duty to make choices that will be best for their kids. Sometimes that’s working and putting kids in daycare. Sometimes it’s staying home. Right now, for you, staying home is the smart strategy. Don’t say you won’t stay afloat without working–use your brain and do the very simple arithmetic. The truth of the matter is, if you work, you’re going under. If you can’t survive without your paycheck, then you won’t survive, because work or not, that money won’t be there. Kiss it goodbye. Take advantage of whatever services you can get–WIC, welfare, Catholic and Lutheran charities are an excellent suggestion. Use them to provide for your baby and get a leg up for your next round of job searching so you won’t need them anymore.
It’s like you’re on a canoe paddling down the river. Everyone standing on the banks can see the falls ahead, and they all keep shouting “turn back, turn back! Come to shore! Dangerous falls ahead!” and you say “I’ve got to keep going, there’s a hole in my canoe and I’ll sink if I stop.” When people tell you how to beach the boat safely, or how to plug the leak, you just keep repeating, “there’s a hole, and I’ll sink if I stop.” After awhile people get tired of trying to warn you, and figure it’s between you and Darwin. If your baby weren’t in the boat with you, they’d all have gone about their business pages ago–myself included. When you go over, don’t say nobody warned you.
Another expense: diapers. If you stay home and have a washing machine, you can save an awful lot of money by buying 50 or so cloth diapers and washing them instead of paying $50 or whatever it is a month buying disposables for the daycare people to use. (What do disposables cost per month, people? I mainly use cloth, but I have a service, so it only saves me a little money instead of a lot.) Keep in mind that babies go through an amazing number of diapers in the first 3 months, because they poop at least every couple of hours, and often every 5 minutes.
Staying home also enables you to save money by making some of your own baby food and nursing better; pumping all day long is often very difficult, especially in your theoretical case since your milk will only just be coming in at a week. And is your boss going to let you take a long break every couple of hours to pump?
Religion-based charities often also do job training and referral, as well as food, clothing, and diapers. Some of them will give you work suited for you to do at home, so that you can contribute.
Great post, but all on deaf ears, Bren. These threads have a pattern:
[list=1][li]IDBB posts a whiny lament on her terrible life, usually centering on how much of a martyr she is.[/li][li]People who know her tell her to shut up and try to advise her, knowing it won’t help.[/li][li]People who don’t know her tell others to be nice, and try to help.[/li][li]She comes back and completely ignores any good advice and picks up on anything that makes her look more the martyr.[/li][li]The formerly nice people try again to advise her, but then tell her to shut up.[/li][li]She never returns, but she feels validated in her martyrdom because everyone is being so mean.[/list=1][/li]
And around we go. It amazes me how deeply one’s fingers can go into one’s ears when one does not want to hear.
However, I can’t help putting some numbers here.
Assumptions: $7 / hour, average 25 hours a week. All numbers are weekly, based on my personal experiences. Also, I am unaware of what TX state income tax may or may not be; FL doesn’t have one, so I’m just using the federal rate as a lowball estimate.
Gross income ($7 * 25) $175.00
Less taxes (~15% normally
at this inc.
level) - 26.25
Net Income after taxes = 148.75
less approximate weekly
daycare costs - 200.00
= ( 51.25)
less insurance on car
that could be sold - 25.00
less gas for that car - 20.00
= ( 96.25)
Do you see this? You lose money if you stay employed like this. You pay $100 weekly in order to work. If you quit your job, you could lose the daycare, insurance, and gas expenses. This is just a rough sketch, and your losses for remaining employed would likely be higher. There is absolutely no shame in quitting your job to raise your baby. I don’t care how that it makes you feel unproductive, or like a freeloader, or whatever reasons you have for keeping this job. For once in your life, this is not about you; this is about your baby.
Lamenting that you may have to lose your cable so you can feed your baby is incredibly shortsighted. Saying that you’ll take whatever sort of daycare you can get for your “damn baby” crosses from shortsighted to cruel. You’d rather stay at some shitty job so you can feel validated, even if it means your baby stays at some borderline care facility. That is despicable.
When you take on the responsibility of raising a child, you should understand that in doing so you are trading your life and your needs for the needs of your child. Child-rearing will consume you. Lose the cable, lose the Internet, forget movies and dining out – you exist for that child. Stop caring about what you need; that’s no longer relevant. I understand that you are young and that you want to live it up, but you made the decision to not use protection. These are the consequences of your decision. It’s tough, but it’s true.
Moreover, anyone who can afford $99 for cable (plus taxes and such that probably push it to at least $120), two cars, a house in a neighborhood nice enough to have a homeowners’ association and pool, phone service, Internet service, and trips to amusement parks probably isn’t living as close to the edge as you seem to think you are.
Besides, consider this: after a few months (say, the start of the next summer or fall semester), you might be able to find someone to take your baby for the 3 hours a week you’d need free to finish that math course and get your damned degree so when you are ready to re-enter the work force, you don’t have to go back to the service sector.
Two things, BTW:
would lezlers or someone else send me the LJ link also. Thanks
Another thing: as so many have said, get rid of the second car (whichever has higher payments). If you absolutely must, buy an old clunky car with some of the cash, but don’t get onto a payment plan–buy it straight out, and keep the insurance money in mind. If you have to, leave the house and get an apartment. Worse things have happened, and I’ve known families with 3 children to leave their beloved houses and settle in small apartments to scrape by.
Do you drink coffee, soda, or anything besides milk, water, and juice? Quit and save the money. It’s better for the baby anyway. Same with everything else you can cut, like non-brown-bag lunches and cell phones. Go to the library instead of Barnes & Noble, and for a walk instead of a movie. It’s amazing how much money we let leak away because we feel like having take-out for lunch.
I’d appreciate the LJ link too.
I’ve been following the thread for a bit and am shocked anyone would refer to their unborn baby as the ‘damn kid.’ My baby is in the NICU right now and I’d do anything to be able to be up right now taking care of him instead of posting here.
I am 7 days post partum and can’t lift anything over 25 pounds. I can’t bend enough to put my own shoes on and I am barred from driving for at least 6 weeks. I had a C section and while this one was planned (although the day came sooner than I thought because I got life threateningly ill) my first one was not. And if you aren’t taking stellar care of yourself and if you work yourself too hard your birth will be harder and recovery longer.
I don’t always like being a SAHM. I love my kids fiercely and enjoy watching them grow and learn and laugh and play. What I don’t love is being so completely dependant on my husband. He’s a wonderful man and a great provider and any odd feelings I have about being dependant come entirely from within myself. We determined that his check covered expenses. Mine would have been completely eaten by the additional costs of me working. Daycare is expensive, the extras for my work would be too: gas, clothing, lunches…
We prioritized our lives around our kids. We don’t have cable, we haven’t been to a movie since in over a year, we drive older model cars, our house has no pool and not quite enough room but we’re cozy, our idea of a big night out involves bickfords (a local chain restaurant) and crayons, I buy most of the kids clothes from consignment shops or at discount stores like priceless kids. I didn’t get maternity wear from a maternity store - I went to walmart and got some plus size stirrup pants and wore those with some of my oversized t-shirts and sweatshirts and splurged on a couple of nursing bras and maternity undies (they sell all that stuff at walmart too) I’ve gotten all the baby furniture I had to buy myself (I did have a generous shower with my daughter) at yard sales. (My coup was the $10 changing table!)
I was especially struck by the horror you expressed at moving to an apartment. My mother felt that way about apartments too. She felt it was better to let me endure my father’s abuse than to move into an apartment and bear the shame. THERE IS NO SHAME IN APARTMENT DWELLING! If that’s what you need to do to make a better life for your kids that’s what you do.
Please sit down with someone at social services and have a long discussion about what programs are available and what you do qualify for and what you would qualify for if you were not working. There is more out there than you think…
And if you truly do not qualify for anything, then there’s got to be some major money mismanagement happening somewhere in the equation. And that can be fixed by looking at your budget and seeing where you are overspending and why. If you’re truly overcommitted financially then you need to make changes. Which might include an apartment or only one car or whatever.
What won’t work is to plan to work up until your due date, deliver and then go back to work 2 days postpartum. Most women I know who did work up until their due date were not in jobs which required them to stand for long hours. Have you even talked to your boss about what is going to happen? You might find s/he is a tad more in touch with reality about what happens when you give birth.
I had a textbook ‘perfect’ labour and birth with my older son. 8 hours so it wasn’t too long or too precipitate. No pain relief was used. It took me about 3 weeks to recover physically. I had severe sciatica for 6 weeks before the birth and was unable to walk or stand for very long. Labour’s called labour for a reason – it’s the hardest work I’ve ever done in my life.
Please, please, please start looking for your options and if they include some forms of welfare, then that’s where life has led you. You’ve got decades to pay it forward – look at it that way.
tanookie, check your email.
Alright people, I’m gonna start charging pretty soon…
I agree about the little things costing major money. I’ve got a coworker who goes on and on about how broke she is and how she can’t afford to go grocery shopping, yet she buys her lunch every day. She buys coffee every morning.
People don’t realize how much the little daily purchases and such add up. Your daily latte? $70 bucks a month right there (I calculated at 2.50 a pop). Couple that with buying your lunch 5 days a week at say, 5 bucks a pop = $100. That’s $170 bucks a month you’re wasting! That’s a car payment, or an insurance payment at the very least! I’m not saying that you spend money on these things, but a whole lot of people do, and don’t realize how much it adds up.
If you can afford these things, great. But if you can’t, it’s just silly. Like my coworker. She asks me why I bring my lunch every day. I tell her because when I say I’m poor, I mean it. The sad thing is, she’s got 2 kids.
Just wanted to highlight this.
BTW, Maven, my DH and I have lived in an apartment since before we were married. Damn nice one, too. Our best married friends also live in an apartment. Another friend bought a house for himself and his now-ex wife. I stress the “ex”. He’s in a condo now.