You were fat; now you're not (or vice verse). Do you get treated differently?

In My Humble Opinion
21

I’ve lost about 60 pounds this year and gone from a 16/18 to an 8/10. The difference in reaction from people around me has been staggering. A lot more people want to be my friend, the attention from males has skyrocketed, and all this with very little personality change in myself.

The change in the way strangers treat you isn’t as jarring as the way some acquaintances will treat you. People I have known for years as casual friends suddenly want to be around me more, they find my dumb jokes more amusing, etc. It can really make you re-evaluate your social circle.

22

I agree 100% with wireless. I have gone from about 135 lbs to 160 lbs just since this past spring. It’s amazing to me the difference between the way I used to be treated and the way I am now.

23

After losing 160 pounds, I’ve noticed I’ve traded one kind of invisibility for another. Before, I was invisible because I was too icky to deal with, now I’m sometimes invisible because I’m much like anyone else.

To some people I’m now suddenly worth caring about or listening to, etc. My IQ has doubled, I’m better at my job, clerks fall all over themselves to wait on me, I’m waved to the front of the line and can get all sorts of free stuff. No more being shown to the back of the restaurant, wedging myself into theater seats, wearing ugly yet expensive clothes, always being damned hot, tired, or feeling like an embarrassment to others or myself.

I manage to feel guilty about every unearned perk (politely turning down as many as possible), scared that I now have no excuses, and fight against becoming shallow and self-centered while I try to figure out how the new me fits into the world. It’s a lot like puberty.

24

I lost almost 80 lbs. It didn’t seem to make any difference to me until…

I had been to a meeting and was waiting for the bus. I was wearing a new outfit. Black polyester pants with a silk blouse and a black blazer. Heels. I don’t normally dress this way.

I actually got whistled at. For the first time ever. I was shocked.

But other than that, I didn’t realize any difference. But that is probably because I dress in mens clothes mainly. But when I wear that outfit…

So yeah, I guess there is a difference.

25

Around the age of 16, I realized that at my then weight of 130 I was never going to survive adolescence with my virtue intact or a college education to show for it, so I stopped exercising and started eating whatever I wanted. Over the next eleven years, I packed on a good 100 pounds.

It worked. Although I was well-respected throughout university and even in my current job, I can count the number of times I’ve been hit on on one hand. Eleven years later, and I’m still pleased with the results. You see, I enjoy the Invisibility Bubble. The men who do approach me do so because they’ve taken the time to get to know me, and that makes all the difference as far as I’m concerned. My black students tell me I’m the “whitest black woman” they’ve ever seen…in other words my skin is white but I have the confidence of a black woman, unlike many white women who tend to hate themselves and be entirely too hypercritical. As has been said already, confidence makes a big difference, but in my experience that confidence affects the way my students see me more than the way men see me. For many men, confidence doesn’t make THAT big of a difference.

26

I had gastric bypass surgery on April 22nd of this year (2003) and I’ve lost 130 lbs. and counting…going back to September of 2002, I’ve lost 160 lbs. I definitely feel that I am relating to other people differently, but it’s difficult to tell how much of that is because they are treating me differently and how much of that is because of my new outlook on life. There are situations that I used to feel uncomfortable in that are no big deal now; for example, if I’m riding the shuttle bus to work, someone can plop down into the seat next to me without a second thought, whereas before very often people would opt to stand for the bus ride rather than sit next to me (the fat guy). It may seem odd to people who have not experienced something like that, but the fact that people can and will sit next to me on the bus now is a VERY big deal for me. I don’t blame them for not wanting to sit next to the Fat Guy before, but it still made me feel like a leper. Now I feel more human. Melodramatic, I know, but it’s true.

27

Huh…I contradicted myself. I’ll make up my mind now; it is a big deal for me that people sit next to me on the bus now.

28

Oh, I’ve seen the difference when I have lost weight.

Some of it is definitely confidence, most certainly.

I learned (and saw) the most dramatic difference some years ago when I went from a size 24 to a size 14 at less than a year.

The thing was, I didn’t know that size 14 was not that thin. It was the size that most of my family members were at, and I thought they all looked fine. (And yes, bone structure does have some play in this–my mom and sisters don’t look that fat at size 12-14 and no one else seems to think they are fat, so are they fat? Well, it depends on who you ask, I guess.)

Anyway, the first thing I learned was that some of my friends didn’t take my weight loss all that graciously. They resented me getting a new wardrobe (I had been waiting a very long time for that wardrobe, dammit!). One girl especially didn’t like that I actually was a size smaller than her. (She’d enjoyed me “envying” her when I was a size 24, apparently, and didn’t want to let that go.) She was very angry one time when a lot of us were on a trip and I offered to loan her some jeans because she’s torn her last good pair. Very offended, she was. I hadn’t anticipated that someone who had pretended to be “encouraging” of my weight loss actually resented it. Fortunately, my friends got over their pettiness in time.

Another thing I learned was that my friends (who’d I always envied at their size 12-14-16) were more miserable than I was. I was a size 14. I was elated. They were miserable. I thought I looked great at size 14. They were not happy with the they looked (apparently). To me, not having to huff and puff when going up a hill was a huge deal and I was incredibly thrilled. The hell with how I looked–I could walk up a damned hill!

So it was a really good learning experience. I saw that I could be fatter than some people, and yet happier than they were. And I saw that some of them were really pissed off by this. How dare I be happy? Couldn’t I still be miserable? Couldn’t I torment myself until I was a size 8? Couldn’t I envy the ones who were a size 8 and whine that I wanted to look like them? What the hell was wrong with me, being happy at size 14?

Now I’ve gained some of the weight back. It sucks (but I’m starting to exercise and I’m crossing my fingers). But even though my weight is back up (not back up to a size 24, but damn–it’s up), my confidence has not waned as much. I refuse to be that same miserable person I was at size 24 all that while ago. It’s just not worth it.

And I find that what shrew says also has some bearing in my own life. Gaining weight is a great way to put a stop to the leers and gropes. I think that’s what made me (unconciously) gain weight at about age 15.

29

Yes, definately noticed a change in the way I was treated. I’ve lost about 65lbs now. I had never been as overweight as I was in January 2003 when I started Weight Watchers. I felt bloated, miserable, and had no self-confidence.

As I lost the weight, I was also changing other things about myself. I got involved in community activism, picked up some old hobbies, went out more, made more of an effort to look nice. Now I’m what is considered ‘normal’ weight by most people.

The only issue I’ve had to deal with is getting the ‘fat’ mentality out of my head and losing the baggage that everyone is looking at me because I’m fat. I am still self-conscious and can often focus on the negative parts of my body, but I’m getting a lot more positive feedback from others so it’s counteracting that.

I am still waiting for my brain to catch up with my body in terms of my self-image. I’m told this will happen. I’d always been told, “You’ve such a pretty face. It’s a shame you have so much weight on you.” I have heard on the Dope over the past two years or so that there are men out there who like a women with a bit of cushioning; I’ve never met them. Not a one. I’m 34 and I’ve never ever ever met a man who PREFERS chubbier women to thinner ones. I know they exist but most of the men I’ve met would definately not go out with a woman who had a lot of extra weight when they met her. Still loving her after a weight-gain is a different story.

One thing I’ve noticed is that I can be really cocky and vain since I’ve lost the weight. Not nice qualities, but I think they’re a part of the readjustment process.

Like many other women, I’ve noticed negative comments and lack of support from female friends who have weight issues. In one case, a colleague at work is nearly waiting with bated breath for me to regain some weight as she proclaims, “Diets don’t work. Weight Watchers is ineffective. 99% of people gain the weight back within a year.” A more critical person than me might think her grape juice has soured.

30

This is such a loaded issue, that I hesitate to even comment on it.
Quick weight bio. Born big.
Average size until age six, then became obese after moving to a rural area and being bussed, instead of walking to school. Parents were indifferent. Children and some adults were horribly cruel. Yeah, it scarred me for life
Lost weight in high school, gained weight in high school, rinse, repeat. Lots of male interest when I was thinner–Just one bf–my first real love, who loved me at any size.
Moved to southern California at age 18.
Starved myself. Was acceptable–but never thin. Obsessed about how I looked.
Got married, got miserable, gained weight. Had a baby. Gained more weight.
Joined Weight Watchers–whose long term–year two and beyond–failure rate is 85% plus (based on their sworn testimony before Congress). Lost weight. Left my abusive husband. Lost more weight.
Got educated, eventually earning a Masters degree–gained weight. Met my current husband while my weight was at it’s highest.
Had another baby; gained lots of weight (obese again). Joined Weight Watchers again. And again.
Developed a non weight-related heart condition (idiopathic dilated cardiomyopathy) five years ago. Almost died.
Lost weight.
Right now I’m losing weight again–for no apparent reason other than I quit dieting eight years ago, and as of 1.5 years ago, exercise regularly (got enough strength back to do this–though my condition is chronic–some call it terminal).
I got my confidence back when I learned to love myself at any size–that coincided with quitting being a human yo-yo.

There are all kinds of theories and statistics about the physiology and psychology of weight loss/gain.
Bottom line: You are worth loving, no matter what your size.
People that judge you based on your dress or pant size are shallow. I don’t have time for them. They need to get real lives with real problems.
I don’t have time or interest for diet talk. Talk about your feelings, your interests, etc. What you ate today or worse, how I lost weight? Snore.
And to answer the original question. Yes, people treat me differently as a fat woman than a thinner woman

31

I have a rather different story than what has already been described. I’m a guy in my mid-20s. When I was little, and in fact until after high school, I was a freakin’ beanpole. I never really noticed because there were guys even skinnier, but looking at old photos now I just shake my head and can’t believe how imaciated I was.

At 22 I joined the Army, and between basic and AIT I seriously beefed up. Three protien-rich meals a day with gobs of exercise really helped me put on a lot more muscle and fill in. It was great.

Then I fell down. I did some pretty severe damage to my back on an icy stair case and couldn’t get around very easily any more. I ended up having to have spine surgery to correct the damage, and today I have constant back and leg pain and really can’t do a whole lot of exercizing.

I’m certainly not fat, but my muscle has receded a bit and I’ve put on a little gut, and having been skinny all my life I’m amazed at how it affects the way I see myself.

During this time, I know of only three times my weight was commented on, and only two of those twere to my face. One was my grandmother, who said I looked much better now that I wasn’t so scrawny. One was some family I hadn’t seen in about a year who commented to my wife about me “eating too much.” The other was a real slap in the face. While visiting the afforementioned grandmother in the hospital about two months ago, this gent I have not seen in approximately 15 years came out of grandmother’s room and saw us coming in. Giving initial greetings to other family members, he looked at me, sudden;y recognized who I was and said very loudly, “Boy, did you get fat!”

He was the priest at grandmother’s church. That felt real good.

Just wanted to share my perspective for y’all.

32

When I was a kid, my weight was pretty normal until about 4th grade, when I started gaining SERIOUS weight. In my family, we never ate very healthily – most everything was fried or fatty or both. I also had a huge love of sugary sweets (especially ice cream) and I ate snacks twice a day (one mid-afternoon after school and one around 8 pm). My family never tried to help me out or restrict my eating at all. The only time I remember hearing anything about it, my dad pulled me out onto our porch one evening when I was twelve and pointed out that my waist (size 40 at the time) was only two inches smaller than his, and that HE was a fat slob, so what did that make me? Did I want to be a porker like him? (Man, did that hurt.)

I lost a lot of weight as a freshman in high school after discovering that the girls in my HS weren’t into fat guys. (I was probably 5’8" and around 230 at the time.) I basically started eating less and working out, and dropped about thirty pounds. That year also marked the start of my growth spurt, where I grew about three inches, so the weight I had got better distributed. I’ve carried a little extra weight (maybe twenty pounds) since then, but with my frame it’s not very noticeable unless I take off my shirt. (Recently I’ve dropped another ten, and only have about another ten to go till I’m satisfied.)

I noticed after my weight loss, people treated me a LOT differently. Freshman year I got constant shit from people picking on the ‘fat kid’ and the next year… nothing. The ones taunting me didn’t suddenly want to become my friends or anything but I suddenly became more invisible. (Which at the time was great – I would have happily been invisible instead of constantly picked on.)

And I’ll echo what some of the other posters have noted. A lot of the difference in attention comes from your appearance, but a significant portion comes from how you feel about yourself. Your attitude about your body gets broadcast in your body language, and others definitely pick up on it. If you’re happy within your own skin, no matter what size you are, other people pick up on that confidence and will view you as more attractive. A friend of mine is struggling with her own weight – she’d gone from a size 10 to a 20 within two years’ time and was miserable. Now that she’s banished some of her inner demons and is better able to address her eating habits, she’s dropped two sizes and feels GREAT about herself – and she’s getting a lot more attention because of it. That happiness beams out from her face and bathes everyone nearby, and you can’t help but see her as attractive.

33

First half of high school, I wasn’t skinny, but I had a good height-weight balance. My junior year, we move from Florida to Boston, and my world kinda just collapsed out from under me. I wasn’t as active, I started eating more, and I got my car, so whereas before I walked everywhere, I was now driving, and getting very little exercise. Oh, and I started at McDonalds, where I ate way too much because it was there. I put on about 60 lbs over the next 4 years. I was depressed, lacked motivation, and lacked the willpower to do anything about it. People looked at me with pity.

Finally, in April of this year, I saw a picture of myself, and really realized how far gone I was. I joined a gym, made a vow to start eating healthier, and began working out with a personal trainer. I’ve lost 35 lbs so far, and have another 40 or so to go before I’ll be really happy at where I am. My confidence is returning though, and people are complimenting me left and right. Everyone is asking my “secret”-no one wants to believe that the only way to lose weight is by changing your diet and exercise. I may not be at my goal yet, but I’m still very happy with my current weight. I refuse to be the girl in the picture again…

34

After losing 70 pounds this year and currently in the best shape of my life at 26, people will treat you differently. It seems to me that I feel people, especially of the opposite sex, will actually be nicer to you. Obviously, dont lose the weight for anyone but yourself. The confidence and self esteem I gained far outweigh the way anyone treats me now.

35

This is perfect, I just watched this video in my Biology class about this 16 year old girl (who was skinny) who put a fat suit on and then went to a different school. Basically you are treated differently, people were laughing at her in the halls, and girls would just ignore her.

It also really affects your self-confidence a whole lot. This girl who is normally thin, on the first day was crying and sobbing and regretting her decision even before she got into the school. She really couldn’t handle the sudden change I guess, and then later when she finally got to reveal her true self she was all excited and happy.

The best part of the video was when they got all the kids who laughed at her, or ignored her in a room and confronted them about it. Most of them admitted that they were asses. But there was these two girls who claimed that they just ignored her because she was a new kid. They said they didn’t even notice that the girl sitting beside them was morbidly obese.

Yeah I know, such bull.

Another thing I found interesting is the fact (according to the video) that apparently fat kids are as sad as kids diagnosed with cancer- which really surprised me.

36

I’d think they’d be sadder.

37

Self image has more to do with how people treat you than actual weight.

From my early teens I thought of myself as fat. I was pretty chunky from 13-14 - 5’8", 180 lbs. or so. Then I grew about 8 inches in one year, suddenly I was 6’4" and 270 lbs. I still thought of myself as fat and disgusting, I had very bad acne, and my hygiene was pretty bad. I put on another couple of inches by the time I was 21, and was 6’6" and 270-290 lbs. for most of my adult life (though I dropped down to 240 one summer). Still thought of myself as fat, even though I was app. the same weight and height as The Rock and most of my weight was in my upper body from weight training.

In my late 20s I started getting some self confidence, and started realizing that I was NOT fat. I put on some more weight after getting married (staying over 300 for the first time in my life), but did not think of myself as fat anymore, and people did seem to see me differently (though in hindsight I see there were plenty of women who were attracted to me before, I was just too dense). Now I am 31, app. 310-315 lbs., and I think I’m pretty damn good looking. Walking with your shoulders back and head up help a LOT. I approach and flirt with women I used to think were way too attractive to be interested in me, and get favorable responses. If someone could have just convinced me I was not fat, that I was actually good looking back when I was 19 or 20, I would have led a very different, and probably much happier life.

38

I lost 40 pounds about 5 years ago. It was lingering from some after baby laziness.

I was really surprised at the reactions I got. I worked really hard by changing my diet and exercising. I even quit smoking for fun. All through the weight loss everyone (especially female friends) would make comments about how I didn’t look so good, did I have and illness?, was I sticking my finger down my throat? Pissed me off. Even Mr. Duty started asking if I “really had to work out today.”.

I got over it. I look better, I feel better and that was the goal. I do notice though that female companions are always looking to see if I have gained 5 pounds and are quick to comment on that.

It was sort of discouraging and a bit of a bummer but the pros most definately outweigh the cons.

On more thing, I did notice that I became more self conscious after attaining an ideal weight. I imagine because a 5 pound gain was more obvious whereas before I could gain 15 or so before I noticed it.

Howdy.

39

Well, I’d agree that how one projects oneself has a lot to do with how one is treated by others, BUT…
At least based on my experience (see above), it really wasn’t about how I felt about myself. Call me unaware, but I hadn’t thought I’d gained all THAT much weight, or looked THAT bad, so wasn’t having self-image/confidence problems, or behaving any differently in my interactions with people, but I DID notice that people were treating me differently, especially in social situations, meeting new people, or in stores, bars, etc. - getting ignored, opinion discounted, etc. (The “invisiblility bubble” mentioned above.)

So I asked myself “What’s different? What’s causing the change in how people are treating me?” And the only thing different about me that I could discern was the weight.

So, I agree that what Badtz and others have said is true, but I still believe there’s no avoiding the fact that, in general, people treat you differently when you’re overweight.

40

Hmm. Maybe self-image has a lot to do with it.

I think I unconsciously put forth bad self-image vibes. I don’t mean to. I think I’m a pretty okay person, but apparently my body language doesn’t convey it.

Just a couple of weeks ago at church, while talking to a friend, she told me to look her in the eye. “I like eye contact,” she said. I realized that I had been looking away from her face the entire time we had been talking, even though we were face-to-face. And then I realized that I do that ALL THE TIME. I’m either looking down or away when I talk to someone, and it’s not because I’m looking at other things.

Anyone else do that?