"Your breasts look like.......

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
41

Dragongirl, I don’t blame you at all for asking the question. You have a perfect right to know why he wants your breasts to be covered up like that.

Your husband on the other hand had NO right to answer you in such a hurtful, insulting way.

To take it a step further (farther?), if he talks to you in that manner, how does he speak to your children? What kind of self-image are THEY going to develop? And with a ‘role model’ like that, how will they treat others?

I’ve been in two long-term verbally abusive relationships - where I was insulted, put down, etc for my own “good”, so I would “learn” and become a “better person”.

It’s crap.

Please take care of yourself and your self-image and your feelings - even recognizing that he is a thoughtless jerk with his own self-esteem problems - is a healthy first step.

S.

42

dragongirl, you were in my thoughts all day. I can’t imagine how much you hurt right now. There was no reason EVER to say that about you, his wife and the mother of his children. I think all of us here would like to take a turn kicking him in the balls.

43

dragongirl, guy checking in here. And what your SO said was one of the cruelest, most insensitive things I’ve heard in a long time.

Men typically dread the “give me your honest opinion” request coming from their wives/girlfriends. I’ve been in plenty of situations where I gave my honest opinion and discovered to my frustration that what she had really wanted was a confirmation of her own opinion – that mine was irrelevant at that particular moment. But of course there are also plenty of times when my actual opinion really is called for. Learning to tell the difference between the two is one of a man’s most underrated but nonetheless important survival skills.

That being said, whether or not he regarded this as a “real” honest opinion mement, there are a great many things he could have said to you that would have been a lot less hurtful. He could still have told the truth, and explained the way he felt without resorting to humiliating you. He chose not to.

It sounds to me as if you’re already questioning whether or not the relationship is worth salvaging. I won’t go so far as to say it isn’t – that’s something only you can decide. But get yourself into counselling ASAP. If you can get him to participate, so much the better. The important thing is to start talking seriously about real remedies before things get really ugly.

You’ve got stormy seas ahead, dragongirl. Good luck and best wishes.

44

dragongirl That was a very cruel thing for your husband to say. My last SO was a little like your husband but he never said anything that cruel, but then he didn’t ever say anything positive either. I have a pretty good figure for my age but I certainly don’t have the body of an 18 year old. .

Unfortunately with all the sexy advertising and the proliferation of porn, not to mention all the celebs we see, many men expect their women to meet these standards. Most real women just don’t look like this especially after children or as they age. Of course our men should accept us the way we are but how many really do? So should we run out and get work done in case their roving eye should settle on someone much younger and firmer? Even women who say they are getting work done for themselves ultimately are doing it to be more attractive to the opposite sex.

If a woman doesn’t feel attractive to her man it certainly impacts on her sex life, not wanting it as often and only in certainly positions which are most flattering or at worst with the lights off…older women out there will know exactly what I’m talking about.

I have no answer for you or advice on how you should handle this situation but I know you will never feel the same about having sex with your husband again after that comment.

45

Well first if a woman has anything over an A cup they hang off to the side… it is part of nature.

“The utters of a cow”…hmmm, well the next time he drops his pants, ask “Well where is it”

or
say it looks like a shriveled up day old cocktail weenie!!!

And please most of all, realize that your body produced two miracles and nourished those miracles. For that reason, your body is beautiful.

If he keeps this behavior up, I think you need to consider whether going on is worth it. Consider marital therapy. If you can save your marriage, wonderful. If you can’t, it is ok too.

46

dragongirl: “dragonboy, why do you like for me to keep my shirt/bra on when we have sex?”

dragonboy: “Because you look sexy in it!” [or something similar]

There are ways (assuming of course that he can stop thinking “I’m a good husband because I don’t do bad stuff” long enough to find his wife sexy) to say it in a way that A) isn’t hurtful and B) isn’t a lie. And quite frankly, if the other option is “because your boobs look like a cow’s udders”, I would have gone with a lie for the time, then come back and said something more truthful (but without quite the same intensity of pain as the “cow’s udders” bit) later on.

IMO he needs to know that/how much that comment hurt, dragongirl.

47

I’m in line for the balls kick.

By the way, I have a good husband. Not only does he not cheat, doesn’t drink (at least not in the abuse alcohol sense - he is certainly known to down a beer or two - and get drunk a few times a year) and is not abusive, he tells me I’m great in bed, answers my own needs in bed, and yet isn’t pushy when I’m not in the mood, thinks I’m gorgeous or at least tells me so (even though I’m going on 40 and my breasts are not where they were when we started dating, I’ve got a grey hair and a wrinkle (laugh line) or two (ok - maybe more than two), I’m a good twenty pounds heavier, and my ass - well, it isn’t at my knees…yet), takes care of our children, cooks, cleans, does laundry, (or at least does his share and more in the childcare/housework/cooking arrangement) is an interesting and interested conversationalist, supports me in my efforts to spend time with my girlfriends, supports me in my career, and does a good job of the traditional “providing” for the family. You deserve more than someone who thinks “good” means not hitting you and not cheating on you.

(This is my second husband, BTW, the first didn’t even live up to your husband’s miserable standards.)

48

Both of my ex’s were amply endowed in the chestal area. I can’t even imagine saying something to them like your husband said to you…because I like my testicles where they are.

49

Dangerosa, you brought tears to my eyes. When I get married, I want a husband like yours.

50

So do I, and I’m a straight guy!! :smiley:

51

silenus How ya doin?? :wink:

52

He’s a jerk, and I want to knee him, too.

Will he go to a marriage counselor with you? It sounds like he has really serious bullying/verbal abuse habits that need to stop. If not, get out of there. You’re beautiful, and intelligent, and wonderful. You don’t deserve his crap.

53

You don’t need to keep hearing this kind of thing from someone who supposedly loves you! What a complete asshole, I’m so sorry that you’re in a marriage that really sounds one-way to me. He doesn’t know what love is, obviously! You gave him two children because you both at some point wanted kids and now he insults you by saying your body isn’t up to his standards? Where the fuck did his brain go? What an absolute jerk. How long have you two been married? What ages are your kids? I’d personally rethink what the marriage means to you and what it’s doing to you. Is he always this way? Does he have any redeeming qualities (for some reason I doubt it)? Don’t stay with an asshole, it nevers works… they do not change. I know this all too well, hun.

54

Ask him to pay for a breast lift if it bothers him that much. Then, dump his ass for somone who appreciates your new breasts and you!

55

My wife and I have been married 30 years October 12th. She has given birth to two wonderful children. We have been side by side through thick and thin, good times and not so good times. I can not even begin to imagine being with another woman. My wifes body is still just as exciting to me as it was all those years ago when she found me acceptable to her and honored me by sharing her wonderful self with me.

I stated in an earlier post that your husband was a world class jackass. Another poster stated that a jackass serves a purpose. I agree, I have spoken badly of jackasses by stating your husband was a good as them.

I sincerely feel sorry for you and your relationship.

God Bless and help you.

56

I had a conversation recently with the man in closest proximity to my boobs which ended with him saying: “You’re 40 and you’ve had a child, what the fuck to you expect your breasts to look like?” I stopped complaining about them. He likes and appreciates them for what they are, and has no false expectations of them, and that’s the way it should be (and for the record, it wasn’t his child that I gave birth to). Find someone who appreciates you for yourself, droopy and bulgy bits as well dragongirl, you deserve more than you are getting.

57

Dragongirl: Seek counselling for the both of you. If he won’t go, then go yourself.

When I was married to That Woman (henceforth, if referred to at all, referred to as TW), I was initially dismayed and privately embarrassed at my own reaction to seeing her naked for the first time (I was 39, She was 42). I realized that time is unkind to everybody (yeah, I have a mirror and I know how to use it), and eventually I learned to like the very things I initially found off-putting. After all, I had rarely seen any woman naked at all except in photographs or in “Men’s clubs”, and the candidates for such employment are selected for obvious traits that a fourteen-year-old male could identify 9 times out of 10 (and the one time he got it wrong, he was staring at her boobs and didn’t hear the question ;)).

Over a remarkably short time, I discovered how much I liked the way she looked. I occasionally compared her favorably to Marilyn Monroe – and *meant * it. A healthy (and smart) man’s standard should change to fit what’s available (and willing). Besides, most men look at their women the way they look at themselves in the mirror. All the imperfections are ignored – they only see the stuff they like. That’s why you’ll see guys with a beer-gut in front of the mirror suck in his gut and flex his muscles – even if you can’t see 'em he does. A good man does the same for his woman. If it’s delusional, it’s a delusion we could all benefit from.[/soapbox]

Personally, if someone who loved me enough to let me see them naked with the lights on asked me such a question, I would make damn sure she felt good about my answer. As someone else pointed out, you own half the whoopie factory. Without you, Mr. Dragongirl only gets a whoop!

–SSgtBaloo

“Age is an issue of mind over matter. If you don’t mind, it doesn’t matter.”
– Mark Twain

58

Don’t know your other qualtities, but in this at least, That Woman lost a prince.

59

I mentioned this thread to Mr. S (who is a lot like Dangerosa’s hubby, by the way), and he agreed that dragonboy is a dick. Now mind you, my body probably looks a lot like dragongirl’s, and I haven’t even been pregnant! I’m not proud of it, either, but Mr. S can’t seem to keep his hands off me – saggy boobs, fat ass, and all. Why? Because they’re ME. And as he commented re this thread, “What that guy needs to realize is that they may not be picture-perfect boobies, but he has ACCESS to them!” (Well, perhaps not anymore.)

I was glad to see it when people started commented that maybe dragongirl needs to think about getting out. Now I seem to recall her mentioning similar transgressions in other threads.

Good luck to you, dear.

60

Oh my gosh. To me, and this is just my take ( male, married for almost 200 years, etc. :slight_smile: ), this isn’t about nookie or sucking up or saying things to make sure he gets some sex again in his life.

It’s about respect, and real love, and adoration. Being in love with someone means you love her, her body and what her body has brought to your family and your life. She’s made babies? It should make you love her and desire her that much more. She has a scar from a Caesarean? Nuzzle it on your way to other interesting places on her body.

Her boobs aren’t like those of a 14 year old? GOOD !! Guess what? You’re married to an adult woman, her body changes with age, pregnancies, weight fluctuations. The body if a young woman is just that- unaltered by the experiences of life. I have a 12 year old daughter, and her slowly maturing body is just that- a child’s body. When she has lived her life, it will reflect that life and whatever changes have been wrought. I sure as hell hope she winds up with someone who adores her at 50, as they will adore her at 20.

Instead of critically eyeing her sex bits, why not try thinking about why you’re not in love with her so much that the changes in her body make you respond with cruelty, instead of increased lust? You two aren’t in your damned 20’s, you’re older adults.

And, you meanspirited poor excuse for a spouse, your body ain’t exactly taut and buff and she used to love you and desire you. Until you drove a verbal icepick into her heart.

I was with a woman who complained about her sagging bosom, her stretchmarks and her Caesarean scar to me. She didn’t make as many disparaging remarks, after I told her that to me the lines and contours of her body was the map of her most extraordinary life. They made me desire her more, not less.

If this man makes this kind of remark, and has made similar ones in the past, then you have a lot more to concern yourself with than your breasts. He’s cruel, and the comments and thoughts that produce those comments reflect an inner point of view that’s unhealthy. I am so sorry that you have to hear such things, and live with someone who thinks and says them.

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