Your favorite amazing line from movies/TV

Here are two examples.

  1. Our Gang short Shiver My Timbers:
    The ship captain (Billy Gilbert) growls at a crew member: “What are you two doing over there?”
    The crewman (Harry Bernard) answers, “We don’t know, captain.”
  2. Early on in Some Like It Hot, Sweet Sue (Joan Shawlee) says “My sax player runs off with a Bible salesman and the bass fiddle [player] gets herself pregnant!” (Gets herself pregnant?! I’d sure like to know how she did that!)
    Post your own examples of an astonishing line.

In Annie Hall, there’s a flashback to Annie and Alvy first meeting while playing racquetball (squash?). After the match, Alvy tells Annie that he didn’t shower because he feels awkward getting undressed in front of “a man of my gender”. Seems like everyone seeing this movie for the first time takes two seconds to process that line before repeating “…A man of my gender?”

(Just parenthetically, I wonder if Alvy admitting that he hadn’t cleaned up after playing squash (racquetball?) was supposed to be another sign of his social retardation, or if it wouldn’t have raised eyebrows in 1977, when people didn’t have, like, hangups about hygiene.)

Danny DeVito: “Who? Yeah, she’s here, but she can’t talk to you now - she’s got my dick in her mouth” Click - I love wrong numbers.

Randal: I never tried it.

I don’t know if it fits the category, but a while back, there was an ad for mail-order Shirley Temple videos on TV, and one of the clips from one of the movies they showed always amused me, because it made sense in a way.

Temple: “My duck does a wonderful trick. My duck can lay an egg.”
Grown-up woman: “What is so wonderful about that?”
Temple: “Well, can you lay an egg?”

She’s got a point.

The last line in The Lost Boys (paraphrased):

[spoiler]That’s what I hate about this town. All the damn vampires.[/spoilers]

I might as well not bother with fixing it in this post.

In the film version of ‘To kill a mockingbird’ , Gregory Peck plays the white lawyer (Atticus Finch) who stands up to racial prejudice over the biased trial of a black kid.

After the guilty verdict comes in (despite the evidence), Finch buries his head in his hands while the courtroom empties (whites-only of course in the main hall). Then he leaves. Meanwhile the balcony is full of the black population, silently waiting.

Reverend Sykes is minding Finch’s daughter (Jean Louise). As the lawyer passes unaware below, the entire black community rise in respect and Sykes mutters "Jean Louise, stand up. Your father’s passing. "

“Hello. My name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father. Prepare to die.”

I have too many. Thousands. I love reading yours (especially glee’s).

One that always gives me a rush of fondness though, just for bringing back memories of the entire viewing experience, the whole time and place in my life:

“She’s dead. Wrapped in plastic.” (Twin Peaks)

That deserves recognition! It’s from Ruthless People, an underrated comic gem, and oh so quotable.

One of my favorites, from that same movie:

“This could very well be the stupidest person on the face of the earth. Perhaps we should shoot him.”

"What is the answer to 99 out of 100 questions?

It’s amazing (and sad) how true this line is.

“We’re on the express elevator to Hell - going DOWN!” from Aliens

From Angel:

First the setting: A wine cellar belonging to evil lawyer Holland Manners, whose firm, Wolfram & Hart, has spent several months fucking with Angel’s head in an attempt to turn him evil, and who is now confronted with the two most vicious vampires who aren’t named Angel and who are about to kill him and his staff. Angel is standing at the only exit and watching Holland’s scheme come crashing around him.

Holland: Help us! People are going to die!
Angel: And yet, I can’t seem to care.

From Dr. Strangelove:

Gentlemen. You can’t fight in here. This is the War Room!

Always cracks me up.

My original choice has already been posted by Chez Guevara. So I’ll go with this:

“Yes you did, you invaded Poland!” (Fawlty Towers, of course)

Bing! We have a winner.

Somewhat more obscure, but another of my fall-down-laughing lines: from Yes, Minister…“Who is Round, and to what does he object?”

In Sleeping with the Enemy Julia Roberts is holding a gun on her abusive husband she left and changed her identity. She calls the police while he says something to to effect that it is useless, he’ll just keep coming back, if he can’t have her no one can. When the police answer on the other end she says “Please send the police. I have just killed an intruder in my home” and while this sinks in, the understanding comes to his eyes; then BANG…BANG!

Watching a YouTube video of Deadwood with a Lucky Louie laugh track sorta reinforced how funny HBO’s Deadwood can be.

In “The Plague”, smallpox has come to the camp. One of Al’s whores is worried about catching it. She’s huddled up, sorta kneeling on a bed and crying when Al walks in and says:

“You better have a payin’ dwarf underneath you.”

In another scene, Trixie (the lead whore) is inspecting the rest of the whores before (not to spoil) they go out in public. She sniffs at one of them and says:

“Go wash your f****’ mouth. You got seven kinds of cock breath.”

I’m not 100% certain of the origin of this line (Tommy Boy?), or the name therein, but it’s always been one of my favorites:

“Mr. Anderson, nowhere in your rambling, incoherent response was there anything even approaching a rational thought. We are all dumber for having listened to it. You score no points, and may God have mercy on your soul.”

It made me laugh just typing it out. Oh, I how I wish I could use it someday!

I love the smell of napalm in the morning.

I remember everything about that day. The Germans wore gray. You wore blue.