A girl walks into a bar and asks the bartender for a Double Entendre, so he gave it to her.
Dwarf shortage.
Never buy a stupid dwarf. It’s not big and it’s not clever.
What’s a foot long and slippery?
A slipper.
How do you make a kleenex dance?
You put a little boogie in it!
<mod>
Two moderators walk into a thread. One sees a joke thread and says “This belongs in MPSIMS.” The other doesn’t.
Best I could come up with at 1:00 in the morning.
Moved IMHO > MPSIMS
</mod>
This is my ultimate favorite, except with muffins in an oven.
“HOLY CRAP A TALKING MUFFIN!”
A horse goes into a bar. The bartender asks, “Why the long face?”
I thought that’s what the bartender asked John Kerry after this defeat . . .
A bear goes into a bar.
"I’ll have a
beer please."
Barman asks: “why the huge pause?”
Elephant goes into a bar. “<SIGH> I’ll have a <SIGH> beer please. <SIGH>”
Barman asks: “why the big sighs?”
a hamburger goes into a bar and orders a beer
the bartender says…
sorry we don’t serve food here
(1970s UK gay politician joke)
“Scott of the Arseantic”
Duck goes into a drugstore and orders a Chap stick.
Clerk says cash or charge
Duck says" neither just put it on my bill"
In honor of Americas 200 th birthday a guy cut the feet off 444 buffalo.
It was the 1776 Bison toe nails
Setting: the unbelievably distant past
A black man goes into an upscale restaurant. The Maitre D’ says: “I’m sorry, we don’t serve Negroes.”
The man responds: “That’s ok, I don’t eat the mother†@#%ers neither!”
One atom says to another, “I’ve lost an electron!” “Are you sure?” “Yes, I’m positive.”
What’s red and crawls up your leg?
A homesick abortion.
I’ll be using this one in the future.
my joke:
What kind of bee makes milk?
A boo-bee.
Roses are red violets are blue, I’m a Schizophrenic … and so am I.
Two guys are sitting in a bar, one turns to the other and says “Aliens announce they’re going to blow up the world in two mintues, what do you do?”
“Boy, I would screw anything that moves. How about you”
“Well, apparently I’d sit perfectly still.”
Teacher to young student: Why are you looking out the window, Johnny?
Johnny: I’m watchin’ da boids.
T: They’re not ‘boids’; they’re ‘birds’.
J: Well, dey choips like boids.