Sigh. that didn’t work at all. I’ll be going to bed now.
I wouldn’t know. More foreign holidays might have helped me have some data here. 
← poor-me smiley. 
Yes, but as one of the tiny number of resident dissenters, I was hoping that my opinion on the coffee could be accepted as meritorious under the “Only Nixon could go to China” standard…
I think it’s the exact opposite situation. I think these guys went the Nice Guy route, where they squelched down their desire to have sex in order to be patient and loving, with the expectation that their efforts would be recognized and rewarded later. When they weren’t, they felt cheated.
It’s a common enough mistake among young guys. Hopefully, they’ll eventually learn that they’re the only ones in charge of making sure they’re getting what they want out of a relationship and leaving if it’s not enough, but it’ll probably take a few more tries.
But prolly not with her, of course. ('Less you’re Italian and brew good coffee.)
(I thought joke threads were not allowed in the Pit. The OP was a joke, right?)
You know, I guess I wish the girls would would just sometimes call the poor ex-boyfriend up and tell him what it’s all about, I mean, to just say: “I’m sorry that I didn’t have sex with you. It wasn’t about you. I was younger and more insecure back then, and I wasn’t ready for it. Now I’m older, and now I *am *ready.” You know, instead of “ta-ta, so long, I’ll be off with this hunkmuffin here, see ya the next time I’m back in Dork-ville”. It might help.
Of course, it would still leave the poor ex with the lingering question: “so now she is ready… well, doesn’t she still have my number, dammit?”
Perhaps there’s just no right way.
Agreed, and that’s where I found Kalhoun’s taunt something less than fair - y’know, having done this whole don’t-pressure-her-into-sex routine that I’d picked up as being what Real Men[sup]TM[/sup] do. Of course that can also see you being the last guy in the room to get laid. :rolleyes:
“Shallow” is givin’ it up for no other reason than it’s an exotic location and the guy has an unfamiliar accent.
So, the message I’m getting from the OP is that this girl owed these guys sex somehow. She didn’t want to have sex, and that made her bad, or she cheated them out of their rightful due of sex.
Then, when she gave sex to someone else, it was a betrayal of these guys, who were owed the sex. It also made her a whore, because she changed her mind about her readiness to have sex.
So, not having sex makes her evil, and having sex makes her a whore.
That is just so completely messed up I can’t stand it. (And I’m going to lock up my daughters until they’re 20, if that’s the kind of guys they’ll have to be around.)
How’bout: she didn’t want to have sex, and did not in fact have to explain that to anyone or justify it in any way, because it’s her body. Then, she changed her mind, and it’s entirely her own business what she does. Not that I think it’s very smart to boink random guys mind you, who knows where they’ve been, but that’s her problem. None of your business in any way, and your friends had no “rights” they were owed. Sex is not a form of payment for their investment in her; supposedly, they asked her out for the enjoyment of her company, not for what they could get in the sack if they paid for dinner.
It sounds to me like the first guy dumped her because she wouldn’t have sex with him. She didn’t break his heart, he broke up with her. So if he is mad it sounds just like spite and jealousy that she had sex with someone that is not him.
Then the second friend dated her (again, what is with all the friends dating the ex? Did he know the story of the relationship with the first guy?) and she broke up with him, for unknown reasons. She may have broken his heart, but these things happen in young relationships. So I can maybe understand second guy being upset, but then again he did start up with his friend’s ex.
Then the third friend decides to go after her, a decision I am seriously questioning given the history. I am hoping these guys are not very close friends because the whole situation gets weird here when all the guys in one group date the same girl. The girl is honest with him and tells him she just wants to be friends, and now the guys are upset with her for ‘not giving him a chance.’ Um, ok.
Maybe she did rub it in that she had sex in Italy. So she’s bragging and ok that’s not the most sensitive thing to do. But it doesn’t make her the whore the OP makes her out to be either. I agree with you that it sounds like common mistakes in young relationships all around.
Horny, panting young boys who act like Nice Guys in order to be rewarded with nookie down the road are still horny, panting young boys looking for nookie. I’m not sure I see a difference between them and the horny, panting boys who are more open about their wishes. Just slightly different strategies, that’s all.
The thing is, there’s a world of difference between pressuring someone into sex and being overly passive about the fact that you in fact really want to have sex. Just because I suspect these guys had good intentions doesn’t make their actions non-foolish – if having sex was so important to them, what were they doing in a relationship with someone who didn’t want to have sex with them?
Isn’t AT always busting on “frat boys”? Maybe that whore ran off to Europe to bang some Italian Stud Frat Boys. Now that she knows what she likes, she can start banging some American Stud Frat Boys. Anyone but them sensitive damn nerds!
a joke from ages gone by:
What is the difference between a slut and a bitch?
A slut will fuck anyone. A bitch fucks everyone, except you.
No difference, except the Nice Guy strategy is less honest and more likely to lead to bitterness, in my opinion.
What if she was just hot to fuck? I think that’s implied, and I don’t think it makes someone shallow.
It may be different for people with 18" prehensile tongues, but when I was a lad it was a seller’s market, and I wasn’t the seller. It resolves itself into a question of having a relationship or not having one rather than picking and choosing.
Mind you, when I was 18, being the village geek saved me from having to make even that choice.
Still’n’all, “whore” was over-egging it, but my crikey, it didn’t half help this thread lift off, didn’t it? No fuel like gender rancour, IME.
I’m wondering if she said it specifically to make it clear to the young men in question that she was no longer interested in them at all. We only hear one side of the story. Who knows if these men were hounding her a little, and asking her why not them, or even mooning around her like lost puppy dogs? Just a thought.
And if having sex with someone merely because they are exotic with an accent is shallow, oh well. Sign me up for the next European tour.
I don’t know, perhaps she clicked better with the Euro guys because they had a common language, culture and expectations?
Perhaps she likes guys who remind her of her dad?
Maybe the Italian guys read her poetry, took her to art museums and let her ride on the back of their Vespas, while the US guys made her watch while they played GTA for hours on end?
Maybe the euro guys were just sexier, or had better attitudes to women?
Perhaps the fact that she can legally drink in Europe influenced her decisions?
Don’t know, don’t care- that’s life, you get to sleep with the people you want to, when you want to, where you want to, and to hell with what some ex and his buddies think.
She grew up, and decided she was ready for sex. GET OVER IT.
What are you blathering about?