You're Fighting An Alien Invasion And...

You’re the head of state and government of Earth and you must pick a cabinet and military officers in order to fight an extraterrestrial invasion. However there is a catch: you can only pick fictional characters from already made works. You must pick humans or humanoids without any supernatural, magical, or any power of that type (ie no Superman, Luke Skywalker, or Harry Potter).

So who do you pick?

Politicians:

Orrin Knox
Kenneth Yamaoka

Generals/Admirals:

Thrawn
Reinhard von Lohengramm
Yang Wen-Li

Ripped Shirt Kirk will win the space-battle and score some sweet space-tang. Bones and Spock can trade wisecracks, and maybe we’ll give Scotty the bridge while Kirk is getting laid. Cuz Scotty kicks ass almost as much as Ripped Shirt Kirk.

D’lyn will be in charge of devastating posturing. Something like "Only one man has scored with every sentient species in the galaxy, and he [del]better get his hand off my ass right now[/del] is behind me. YOU are in front of me. If you value your lives or your women,** BE SOMEWHERE ELSE**.

If they land ground troops, then I’ll call up Captain Dusty Fog, C.S.A. and his friends from The Floating Outfit to handle one flank, and Doc Savage & Friends (none of whom have any supernatural abilities) to handle the other flank. I’ll have a few battalions in reserve under the command of The Officially Pardoned Josey Wales.

Presidential Security will be handled by Mack Bolan.

Security for The Druidess, as First Lady, will be provided by Remo Williams and Chiun.

Law Enforcement will be turned over to U.S. Marshall Rooster Cogburn.

The Air Force will be commanded by Hawk Hunter, aka The Wingman

Big Boss, Metal Gear. Even leaving aside the complete idiocy that the Metal Gear series collapsed into, our world is a lot saner than his. He’s luduicrously capable in combat, but also with planning and executing missions. He’s known to develop teams of combatants with extreme capabilities and knows how to run military stealth ops as well as administer military resources. He gets my new Department of War, including the Army and Air Force. (Other services go under somebody else.) I firmly tell him, “No walking nuclear battle tanks. They’re just stupid.”

Batman (err… Bruce Wayne), DC comics. 'Nuff said. I will let him do whatever he pleases, including running the CIA, which I presume he will reorganize into something useful. I know he’s the one person I can trust to never betray the people (well, aside from Sokka) and will keep me honest, and he can stop any of the other guys presented.

David Xanatos, Gargoyles. Yes, he’s exceedingly amoral, but the truth is that he almost never does anything terribly evil. He lets other people do them, usually to themselves. He gets State.

Sokka, Avatar: The Last Airbender. He’d keep everything lighthearted no matter if he annoys us, and he’s brilliant. Somehow, if victory can be achieved, he will achieve it.

Luca Blight, Suikoden 2. Let me put it this way: he lives in a world of magic and monsters - very powerful ones. He uses a sword. He is always the single most dangerous person to appear in any of the games thus far. He can single-handedly massacre small armies. He’s not killed until cornered by a brilliant strategist, has his unit hammered by flamethrowers, and even then it takes at least 18 highly-trained warriors armed with powerful magic and weaponry - and you can still get your ass kicked by him. No, you can’t trust him. But as long as he has enemies to massacre and our own soldiers are happy to back him up, he can be directed.

Canderous Ordo, Knights of the Old Republic. He’s in Luca Blight’s League combatwise, and he’s a fine leader with keen abilities to inspire his people and and extensive combat experience in roles from footsoldier to armored vehicle use to squad combat to command of armies. He will become the top military commander in the field. Ok, technically he has a good cybernetic implant, but he hardly needs it.

Frodo Baggins and Samwise Gamgee. I will happily ask them to go on a 100% impossible quest to break the source of the evil’s power. Then I Pray.

Step One: Contact the aliens.

Step Two: Demonstrate my ability to summon beings out of fiction.

Step Three: Explain to them what a “Known Space Human Protector” is.

Step Four: Demand that they leave now, or I’ll summon some.

Step Five: Just in case they come back, summon Agatha Heterodyne to research better weapons and space technology; considering what she can do starting from only a steam engine era technology, what she can do starting with ours ought to be impressive…and she’s less inclined to casual genocide than a Protector.

I call upon Jack Bauer to defend the Earth.

I hide in a bunker and wait 24 hours. Problem solved.

Jeff Goldblum and Will Smith

Eight inch tall Ditka.

Bah. Tiny Elvis would kick his ass.

Elvis would kick his ass while he was fighting off the alien invaders? Does that mean Elvis really was abducted by aliens and is now suffering from some kind of Space Stockholm Syndrome?

Well…all I can say is…
Elvis needs boats.

Put Lord Ventari in charge. Send Carrot to give them a Stern Talking To.

Don’t forget Sir Humphrey Appleby to keep them all in line. :slight_smile:

I’ll take the Boba Fett clones for my soldiers. They do a pretty darn good job when they’re not shooting at good guys.