I agree with whoever said the OP should buy the ticket himself. There’s nothing wrong with spending lots of money on yourself for what you feel is a special occasion. I think in the long run it’ll make him happy, and then he can just relax and enjoy whatever his SO has planned (og forbid she’s secretly gotten him the ticket).
Just because you’re in a relationship with someone does not mean that you must buy them a gift. It’s that simple. It doesn’t matter if it’s a “big” birthday or not. The simple fact is that a gift is only a gift if it is freely given. If it’s expected, then it’s an obligation.
If you want something special done for your birthday, set it up. If this was me, I would tell my SO that I want to go on this trip for my birthday, and his present to me is for him to come along and have a great time. What’s going to make you happier in the long run: forcing your SO to unwillingly spend money on you, or realizing that not everyone equates gift giving with affection, and treating yourself to the things you want?
Where do I disagree with this? I did ask 98% knowing the answer. It is a lot easier to say these things to the proverbial you on the internet then to her. The 3rd post in this thread is me saying “yep I am a jerk”. The rest is all people saying yep you are with some other insults thrown in for spice. I expected this, I welcome this, I acknowledge this.
The rest of the thread has been me expressing saying people are delusional if they believe that crap about never expecting a gift. Maybe I am being a jerk there too, but I would rather be a jerk then delusional.
Regardless this is rather circular. I say the vast majority of people expect a gift from their SO on their B-days. A few people chime in saying it must be nice to know what everyone else thinks, a few people say yes that is true but what you expected was jerky. Of course there have been more people who disagree with my statement, rarely do you get a thread stating a belief where the majority chime in to say ‘yep I agree’. Agreement doesn’t exactly get the blood flowing.
Anyway thanks for calling me a jerk. It is much easier to have acted like a jerk in front of random screen name and IPs then my girlfriend.
16=legal driving age (exciting to most kids, as it is a symbol of freedom)
19=legal drinking age in Canada (like a 21st birthday in U.S.)
I agree with the idea that if gifts / gestures are the norm in your relationship, then being disappointed if your SO does nothing is normal. I would be disappointed if my SO didn’t get me anything or acknowledge my birthday too. It sounds like the OP’s girlfriend is honestly trying to find something to make him happy, and that is enough IMO.
I might agree with you if you said “the vast majority of females expect a gift from their SO on their B-days.”
However, myself as a 37 year-old male never really expect a gift. My wife may buy me a shirt and a card but if she totally forgot and didn’t even mention my b-day it would seriously be no skin off my nose. Most of my guy friends agree. They wouldn’t dare to forget their wives birthdays but really couldn’t care less if theirs was forgotten.
My husband turns 30 in three weeks. I’m planning to get him an iPod, but he certainly won’t be expecting one. And not because he’s 30, just because he’s my sweetie and I don’t often have occasion to give him gifts like this.
So, you’re quitting your job to go live with her. Do you have another job lined up? If not, how can you justify asking her for an expensive present when you guys may need that money for living expenses until you find work? It’s clear that you don’t have a huge savings since you said you couldn’t afford to buy the tickets.
If she’s anything like me, she told you ‘‘no way’’ and she’s getting them for you secretly.
I don’t think you’re a jerk for wanting what you want for your B-day, but if you actually do give her a hard time about it that would kind of make you a jerk. It’s not wrong to have self-centered (I don’t mean that as an insult, it’s a natural human impulse) feelings. It’s only wrong to translate them into continuous, ungrateful action, and to expect that all those self-centered desires will always be met. Feel whatever you need to feel, but remember to show gratitude if exactly what you wanted doesn’t arrive. Because sometimes, in life, that happens.
I could buy the tickets…if I wasn’t quitting my job and needing the savings in case finding a job is even more difficult then expected. We do not have intermingled finances. I know how much money she has, and she could in theory quite easily buy the tickets. That is besides the point now, IMO. I knew I was being a jerk, I wanted someone to be a jerk to, that person was this board. I suppose I could get a mod warning, but I don’t think I really broke the “don’t be a jerk rule”.
Instead, to me at least, it has become more of a “are you being a jerk by expecting your SO to get you a gift on your b-day?” We have a number of people claiming yes, you should never expect a gift. This is delusional IMO for the vast majority of people under 40 or so (yes that is just an age I picked out the air). I would be surprised if the people here are saying its no big deal who have actually had their SO forget their B-day weren’t hurt in the slightest.
You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means.
That is nice.
I stopped expecting gifts when I passed 18. Occasionally I get them and I’m appreciative, but never upset when I don’t get one. I’ve been married for several years now and DH has forgotten my birthday altogether about 3 times. No big deal to me and I never mentioned it, but he felt bad when he remembered. The other times, he’s kissed me and wished me a happy birthday, and I’m good with that. It never occurred to me to think my 30th warranted anything special in the way of celebration, gift-wise or otherwise.
I guess zero is a number!
I turned 30 on Sunday, and I barely got to talk to my LDR SO, never mind get a gift from him. In fact, I’m pretty sure he forgot about it until I told him.
Had I been hoping for a gift? Of course. I think it’s natural. But I didn’t expect a gift. I have no right to expect any gift from anyone.
Really, I’d take actually being able to be with my SO for my birthday over any fancy, expensive present. Count your blessings.
I’m a 24 year old female in a 7+ year relationship and don’t expect or hope for anything from my SO for my birthday. This year he took the day off work and we bummed around at home, he gave me massages, and we picked a random restaurant to go to for dinner. For the past couple of years I think we’ve skipped birthdays, Christmas, and our anniversary too. We still get gifts, we just don’t expect them on certain dates.
It also depends on our financial situation at the time; the year we bought the apartment our presents to each other consisted of extra repayments to the mortgage. IMO if you’ve just bought a house and one person is quitting their job and the other still a student, $500 is a lot to spend on a gift even if you have enough in savings. Even if your girlfriend doesn’t get you the present you want I’m sure she’ll acknowledge the day and do something special.
Sorry for the quick hijack, but what day are you turning 30? I only ask because I turn 30 in 19 days and I want to see if we’re the exact same age 
It is not in 19 days.
There is a definite Men are From Mars thing going on here.
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picking the Broad brush up* Often men think the monetary value of a present adds inherent “emotional value” to presents than women tend to do *putting the Broad brush down
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Link discussing this - with the bonus of keeping score and how people do that in relationships - maybe you are, maybe not.
One take away tho might be that you are talking to the wrong folks. In my experience it is never a good idea to not discuss minor disappointments with an SO, You owe it to her, yourself and your relationship to discuss differing expectations, attitudes toward money and gifts and (apparently) views of what you see as a HUGE milestone event
It’s not too long until I turn 30 and for me it is a big deal. I’m not saying that I want an awesome/expensive present but I do want to celebrate it in some way. I want to do something special. But I agree that you should not give her a hard time. If she can’t afford the tickets then I don’t think you should make her feel bad about it. I’m sure there is some way that you can work this out.
Seems to be lots of people saying they don’t expect presents. I’m certainly not one of them.
There have been times when our finances have been tight and we’ve mutually decided not to do gifts, but apart from that, we’ve always given each other presents, with larger value ones on milestone birthdays (20, 21, 30, etc).