A Field Guide to Bad Boyfriends

[Rigamarole]

Nevermind, didn’t read enough.

[even_sven]

@RTFirefly

My exes and I generally parted on good terms, but in every case, there were very good reasons why we parted.

And it’s been just shy of 25 years since I was involved with any of them; I barely remember who they were then, let alone have any idea what their lives might be about now. Being in a room with them would be like standing on a subway platform: we’d all be polite enough to each other, but not have much reason to get a conversation going.

Haha. You don’t have to be in the same room, just share a big house together forever. Sounds like your afterlife is a moderately pleasant place that isn’t particularly full of deep connections, but is fairly drama free.

[Anne_Neville]

Anyone who lies and says she is on birth control when she’s not is a bad girlfriend. The only way this one could really apply to a guy is if he lied and said he had had a vasectomy and he hadn’t. You can check if he’s wearing a condom or not, so there wouldn’t be much point in lying about that.

[ScarletNumber]

@even_sven

I think it’s someone on the Dope who came up with the idea that heaven/hell is a big house full of everyone you’ve ever slept with.

This idea was touched on in an episode of Frasier.

@even_sven

I think I’d teach my daughter not to base her self-respect on what goes in her vagina.

Better that than no self-respect at all.

[JustinC]

@Anne_Neville

Girlfriends who insist on sex without birth control, or who refuse to use a condom when you ask them to, are bad Girlfriends.

Girlfriends who try to pressure you into doing something sexually that you’re not comfortable doing are bad Girlfriends.

Girlfriends who try to pressure you into having sex when you don’t want to (or, worse, who force you to have sex) are bad Girlfriends. What they are doing is rape.

Girlfriends who hit you are bad Girlfriends (unless you are both into S&M and it is part of consensual sex). Even if it only happens once and she apologizes profusely afterwards.

Girlfriends who put you down and make you feel bad about yourself are bad Girlfriends.

Girlfriends who insist on knowing where you are and what you’re doing at all times are bad Girlfriends.

Girlfriends who don’t want you having female friends are bad Girlfriends. Girlfriends who don’t like most of your friends are bad Girlfriends. They don’t have to want to hang out with your friends, but they should not have a problem with you spending time with your friends.

Girlfriends who try to change a lot of things about you, or some major things about you, are bad Girlfriends.

These things apply, with the obvious modifications, to girlfriends as well. No significant other who does any of the above is worth staying with.

For the sake of seeing how it read I changed to follow your final paragraph. It seems pretty correct to me, but I don’t think it would receive or be seen to deserve the attention your original would. This is likely a symptom of male machismo/ego and feminism. Violence or abuse in the home is not as high profile when the male in a heterosexual relationship is on the receiving end. We’re a long way from when Sean Connery was applauded for saying women liked being slapped around but maybe the pendulum has swung too far in the other direction.

[Crafter_Man]

@Rick

For my son:
Don’t stick your dick in the crazy

For my son:

1. All women are crazy.
2. Some are crazier than others.

[elbows]

Rather than composing a book of what constitutes a bad boyfriend, I’d concentrate on making sure my daughter has enough love and stability, and a healthy loving relationship modeled for her, so she doesn’t start out in the world with such low self esteem as to bounce from bad boyfriend to bad boyfriend.

The problem is never the bad boyfriend, after all. The problem is always, what is it in me that accepts this behaviour as ok?

No book will help is she lacks self esteem. And no teenage girl ever listened to her mother’s stories of ‘when I was a girl’. Build a better environment to raise a child than the one you were raised in, that would do your daughter a far greater service.

But write the book anyway, it’s sounds like it could be fun and get published!

[Chimera]

@Crafter_Man

For my son:

1. All women are crazy.
2. Some are crazier than others.

Everyone is crazy, the only question is the degree.

[control-z]

@Taomist

If my <non-existent> baby girl comes home pregnant, we can do something about it, whatever it is. If my baby boy comes home having knocked someone up, it’s just…more of a mess, to me, somehow.

Or to put it simply, if your son gets a girl pregnant, you have to take proactive steps to get involved with her family and be involved in the baby’s life. If your daughter gets pregnant, the baby will already be part of your family and the father and his family are the ones that are supposed to approach your family.

[Dangerosa]

A guy who lives with his parents may have a perfectly good reason to. He may be helping them,he may be saving for his own place.

But if he hasn’t managed to move out of mom and dads basement since he moved back after college, and it’s been ten years, and he doesn’t mow the lawn for them, and mom still does his laundry, and he doesn’t reimburse them for groceries…think a little. Because the future with this guy has a high probability of him living with you and playing world of Warcraft while you mow the lawn, do his laundry, and pay all the bills.

[Enkel]

One a friend of mine didn’t pay heed to…

When he says that the courts “took her word for everything” in issuing a Protection From Abuse order, don’t stick around to hear the long version. My friend was involved with a guy with a PFA and took his word over the judgement of the courts… 2 months later, we’re doing a middle of the night haul all her stuff out of the apartment so she can go into hiding.

I’d definitely never touch a guy that has had a PFA in the last 10 years or that has ever had more than one PFA.