<AHEM> CLEARING THROAT <AHEM>
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HAAAPPPYYY BIIIRRRTTTHHHDDDAAAYYY TOOOOOO YOUUUUUU!!!
HAAAPPPYYY BIIIRRRTTTHHHDDDAAAYYY TOOOOOO YOUUUUUU!!!
HAAAPPPYYY BIIIRRRTTTHHHDDDAAAYYY DEEEAAARRR NNNAAAVVVAAA!!!
HAAAPPPYYY BIIIRRRTTTHHHDDDAAAYYY TOOOOOO YOUUUUUU!!!
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Things I am doing/have done today:
- Fought two stoopid cats to keep 'em out of the house.
- Gone to the gas station and filled up twuck.
- Continued with my life as a secret agent by doin’ some checking up on my uncle.
- Downloaded AVG antivirus on my mom’s slllllooooowww dial up connection.
- Post to the dope on the sllllllooooowwww dial up connection. YAWN
- Sang happy birthday to Nava.
- Filled everyone in on the details of my uncle and my secret agent spying, which starts now:
My Life As A Secret Agent
Call me bear. swamp bear. 
I’ve been just dyin’ to do that!
Ok, so yesterday I get here to mom’s and have a huuuuuuuuge lunch. She just happened to feel like cookin’ roast beef and gravy, turnip greens, green beans, mac & cheese, squash dressing, cornbread muffins and banana bread. I feel so loved! Anywho, after eating mom calls up Uncle Marty and tells him she’s cooked and is bringing him some food. She did not tell him I was there, at my request cause well, I guess he would have wondered why I was around on a Monday and such. So, we go over to his house. Nasty place! Mom says it’s cleaner than when she was there last week, but still, :eek: nasty! First off there was a man and a woman there I can only describe as white trash. According to Marty the guy is a friend of his from Michigan (Unc lived there for a while with other relatives and also got married there) and his ex but soon to be wife again. Hmmmmm… well, all I can say is they appear to be my age which is a good twenty years younger than Marty and they are sleeping in a room furnished with nothing but a rolled up futon, a floor fan, a clock radio and four pet carriers, plus one cat. How do I know? I peeked in the room after the [del]white trash[/del] people left, soon after mom and I got there. Mom and I talked with him for about an hour. According to him he is getting about eighteen hundred dollars a month from social security and retirement from Chrysler motors. This set the ol’ bsometer to pingin’ cause, well, ain’t no way that man is gettin’ that much money a month. First, by my reckonin’ he only worked maybe ten years for Chrysler and has a pretty sporadic work history to boot. So a thousand a month retirement plus eight hundred social security just did not add up with da bear or da bear mom. Oh and his bedroom is just cluttered with junk! Big bags of junk. What furniture he has belonged to my grandmother (mom’s and unc’s mom), which I know was bought in the early sixties. It’s pretty well fallin’ apart.
After we leave, I told mom I didn’t believe a word of anything about his income, the fact that he claims to be working, who those [del]pieces of white trash[/del] people are, how he’s managing to pay his bills, the fact that he says he has life insurance and a will in a safe deposit box at a bank, has been seein’ the doctor (man looks like hell), anything he said. I placed a phone call to cousin Larry in Michigan (as opposed to cousin Larry who lives in Heard County GA and is the child of mom’s and unc’s oldest sister. Michigan Larry is the child of another of the mom’s and unc’s sis who is deceased. Two first cousin’s named Larry. My family is not real original in the name stuff) who is retired from Chrysler and would give me the scoop on what a real retirement income from there would be. Well, cool kids, Cousin Larry of Michigan (CLM) did indeed inform me of the fact that first, ol’ unc didn’t even have ten years with Chrysler and thus probably has a very minimal if any at all retirement income from there. See, I knew when he went up there. I was young but old enough to remember I was in the fifth grade. I also know that in 1976 he went on a supposedly worker’s comp leave from Chrysler which I suspect wasn’t true but that’s what unc said. I knew he was for some reason getting a check of about twohundred and sixty dollars from there because when he first moved back to ye olde hometown, he stayed with my folks for a while and mom saw those checks. Oh and the other reason he stopped working in 1976 is because his wife (the nut case, may she rest in peace) had a stroke and he was taking care of her for ten years until he died and showed up back in ye olde hometown. Ok, now where was I… Oh yeah, CLM informed me of how much he was getting in retirement (plus he tlod me all about the insurance he has, his will, how he and his wife have all there burial arrangements and lots of other stuff I had no need to know. TMI is a kinda family trait. ). Ok, so I get off the phone and tell mom we need to call up unc. Rather she needs to call up unc. So, she does and per my instructions, tells him that she’d feel better if he let me see his safe deposit box and get an idea of what’s in there so we’ll know more about what to do when his time comes, he gets sick and needs help and such. He hemmed and hawed and so forth and so on but finally said he’d go to the bank with me around four this afternoon to show me what he’s got. Ok, this is four when he gets off work at the place he told me he works that I don’t believe. My plan is to be there at four to pick him up. I’ve already called the place and stated that I’m supposed to pick somebody who works there up after work today and needed to know if there’s a particular place I needed to be, such as an employee’s entrance or parking lot and was told where to go to met an employee getting off work. I’m betting I won’t see him. However, where he lives ain’t five minutes from there, so I can go to his house to pick him up (geez, unc, don’t know how I missed ya at work! :rolleyes: ) and get to the bank before five. Remember this is an itty bitty town, so even to get “across town” only takes about ten minutes and that’s in “heavy” traffic. I’m betting even then we never go to the bank cause I’m tellin’ ya none of this stuff exists. Also, we are discussing power of attorney because I feel like somebody (mom, sis, me, whoever) needs to have one in case he becomes incapacitated. See I am convinced that what will happen is he will just be found dead one day. He’s just one of those type folks who is liable to die at home and be there a couple days before anybody knows. I know that’s awful, but, geez, that’s how it is. I’m hoping we can prevent that but don’t know how far we can go. He claims to be seein’ a doctor but I don’t even believe that.
AAAAARRRRRRRGGGGGGGHHHHHHHH!!! I love the man and don’t want to go some nasty legal route like having him declared incompetent but I swear if that’s what it takes then that’s what will happen. Where are my other relatives around here you ask? Well, my bros, as I’ve said before are of no use with this stuff. Mom and sis are, of course, right there with me in this. The other branch of the family around here (other cousin Larry, his mom and sis’s) are well, just not ummm… real bright, so it’s up to us.
In other news, sis and I are embarking on what we hope will be a life of crime as we attempt to find an old abandoned country store a great uncle of ours ran and “liberate” the cool old coca cola sign that had his name on it, if it still exists. Sis is a bad influence. Whenever I’m around her I want to act sixteen again. Other than that I’m always a responsible and mature adult. Really. I swear. 
poolside exploits! 
