A dog is a man’s best friend - or is it a bottle of whiskey?
Cigarettes, and whiskey, and wild, wild women. They’ll drive you crazy, they’ll drive you insane.
Every woman in the world will want you… to paint her garage.
The world is your oyster. Or bottle of whiskey. Whichever is nearest.
Be sure to inspect your chair before you sit down.
Pssst. Your fly is open
Do you know where your cat is?
-“BB”-
Your cat is about to bring you an unwanted gift.
You have a gift. The type that comes from Goodwill.
Children are a gift you can’t return. Or exchange.
You will die.
You will wear mismatched socks tomorrow, if you are not vigilant. And maybe if you are.
You will have fortune. There is not enough data to determine whether it will be good fortune or bad fortune.
The artificial ingredients in the cookie this fortune came in are bad for your health.
Getting the tiny typewriter into this cookie to type the fortune is a real bitch.
Eating this fortune cookie will give you the superpower of being able to read even very tiny print with no difficulty. Alas, you will not like what it says.
Did you ever think that Asians were extraterrestrials? (eat this note)
A post you made about Asians may be flagged as inappropriate.
You will be sent a post in northern Turkmenistan. Have fun in the Valley of Balls, I dare you.
I dare you to try the hot and sour soup.