That you will. Hey, I’m cringing every time I hit redial, but it’s a small price to pay if it means we finally cure the show of Haley.
He said in a People interview (I only read the peer-reviewed scholarly version, you understand) that he makes all of his own pants. In another interview he referred to his big butt and short legs, which is probably why- it’s the only way they’ll he’s gay. I mean fit.
I’ve only watched the first two so far. I’m dreading the rest, fearful Sanjaya is either going to do a down tempo “Shake Your Bon Bon” as a ballad or that he’s going to do Baby It’s Cold Outside since Ricardo Montalban once sang it in a movie.
I understand that in keeping with this year’s theme next week’s mentor is either going to be Topol, Desi Arnaz, Jr., or Shirley Jones. They wanted those twins from Hee-Haw but they’re touring with The Osmond Brothers.
Well, she is of Mexican descent, link, if that is what qualifies one.
Wow, what a night of suck. Kinda odd, since Gloria Estefan’s songs have been sung to death on this show, but all packaged up awkwardly tonight they were the suck along with the rest.
Blake, then Sanjaya?! Who’da thunk it!
At least Jordin didn’t tire people out with her (lack of) personality like some of the other contestants, now that Gina’s gone Jordin’s officially my favorite so I’m hoping she’ll sneak by to first place.
I absolutely adore Melinda’s singing, but she is so totally in the wrong place – she should be singing in a smoky little nightclub somewhere, knocking the socks off the older crowd. Either that or belting it out on Broadway. Oh well, her AI exposure should get her wherever she wants to be, which is definitely not in pop star land.
The amount of Gloria Estefan tonight made me want to throw things at my TV. Heck, I would have been happy to hear a bad version of Guantanamera instead of Gloria Estefan again. I really wish they would just ban her catalogue from the show for a few seasons. Like into the 22nd Century.
It was definitely opposites night, with Sanjaya doing better than almost anyone else. Except for the greasy facial hair and the even greasier eye-fucking the camera. It is just wrong for jailbait to eye-fuck the camera. It was bad enough when fucking Constantine did it, but it just makes me feel like a pedophile to see Sanjaya doing it! But [small voice]I did actually almost like his singing tonight[/small voice].
And Pauler even made sense. The End Times are upon us all!
She really appreciates/respects her Mexican heritage, but she doesn’t have an accent at all, and her family has been in AZ for a long time. She was raised in Tucson, AZ. (The bus station downtown is named after their family…) She’s more Mexican than I am Irish, but not by a whole lot.
Melinda- [Dom Deluise as the emperor in Mel Brooks History of the World]Nice. Not thrilling… but nice. [/DD] She has enough banked though that she could come out and sing/dance The Hokey Pokey one week and Good Ship Lollipop the next before seriously having to worry about being voted off, and if she’s not the sweetest person who’s ever been on that show then she’s by far the best actress.
Lakisha- Totally agree on the jiggling fatback. That never helps- I still remember being apalled at seeing Anita Bryant’s when I saw Roger & Me and that was well over 10 years ago. Know your age, know your weight, dress for both. And I didn’t feel the heat. (Does anybody else get a major “Queen Byatch” vibe from her? I just have the feeling she’d be a terror to work with if she becomes successful.)
Chris- [Foghorn Leghorn]Boy’s about as exciting as lookin’ at a wet lawg.[/FL] By far the least talented of the men imo.
Haley= Pack. Just pack. I thought what Simon said about showing more body to atone for less voice was horribly sexist (he’d never say that to Chris or Phil or Sanjaya), but true. It’s time for you to go.
Phil- Has a better voice than Chris and beautiful eyes, but makes Chris look like Louis Prima on acid when it comes to stage presence and moves. He’s probably the only guy in the Navy ever told to “loosen up, for God’s sake!” by his DI in basic training. The hat helps, but not enough to account for a near total lack of charisma or fun.
Jordin- bad news is that tonight wasn’t your night, good news is that like Melinda you’ve got lots of credit with the House.
Blake- I wasn’t as thrilled as others. His performance was only good in comparison to the lethargic competition tonight but lacking when compared with his best performances (Virtual Insanity, Time of the Season).
Sanjaya- Well… I hope he gets voted off this week because it’ll let him go home on a high note. The kid has talent and in 10 years he may be a great performer and a stud (and maybe the goatee will be thicker by then), and l appreciate not only his singing in Spanish but combining the week’s theme with West Coast history to do a Joaquin Murieta imitation. However, easy listening is all he can do for now and when Ryan Seacrest makes fun of your mugging at the camera there’s a problem. (Speaking of Ryan, does he do Botox? Notice that even in closeups his facial features don’t move.)
My vote to go: Haley. Then Phil, then Chris. B.I.O.N. I’d give Sanjy at least 3 stays of executions because I honestly like him better than those three. (Did you notice his ponyhawked friend in the audience incidentally? So flaming he destroyed Camera 3 and sent two grips to the burn tank.)
Random thoughts:
I know they’d make way more on a successful concert tour, but I would love to see Melinda and LaKisha share billing in The Color Purple on Broadway as Shug and Sophia respectively. (Melinda could play Celie, but Shug has the show stopper [Push Da Button] and the first singing of the gorgeous title song.) Currently Fantasia is starring, so perhaps…
I hope this doesn’t come across as racist, but I used to work with a lot of Hispanics- some Costa Rican, some Mexican, some Peruvian, some Colombian, at least one Panamanian, all ages, both male and female (it was a huge USDE call center and so basically anyone in Montgomery who spoke Spanish fluently could get a job there). I went to several parties and social gatherings while there and what was always incredible to me was that almost all of these people, whether a 60 year old woman who was 5’0 and 259 pounds or the knockout bombshell from Panama or the usually drunk-off-his-ass Puerto Rican manager nobody could stand or the 19 year old college students- when the music and the dancing started they were just incredible. It wasn’t that they all had perfect rhythm or were great dancers, though many did and were, it was that they clearly didn’t care- they just embraced the music and had fun moving to it, completely un-self conscious, it was just incredible. There was NONE of that tonight- admittedly it’s hard not to be un-selfconscious when you’re performing in front of 30 million people, but a good performer can fake it. They didn’t- they were joyless and rehearsed, and that’s the last thing I think of when I think of Spanish music.
And I don’t like Phil.
I’m voting for Blake and Melinda. I could hardly hear Sanjaya sing and I’m sure that’s a good thing. The others were mostly forgettable, except for the horror that was Phil and the leg-show that is Haley. I wish I could send both home tomorrow.
Melinda: They’ve been working on her look, and finally found it. Good sign: they’re counting on her for F2. Simon didn’t mean “lounge singer” to be a compliment, but all through her song, I was thinking she sounded like a lounge singer from back in the say when it was a big deal to go and see Barbra Streisand or Shirley Bassey sing in a club. And her line about Simon taking his chance to say something negative: they’re gonna play that clip at the finale.
Lakisha: As with Melinda, I didn’t know what Simon was griping about. “Safe”? Does he realize how hard it is to sing that song and not come off like a fool? I don’t understand the judges sometimes. Tell them to sing country and then say “I don’t like country and this didn’t change my mind.” Tell them to sing Latin music and then complain that it was not all about the singing.
Chris R: Blah. Boring. Worst of the night.
Haley: I think she messed up the words a bit. Also, thin != great body, IMO.
Phil: I loved the tone of his voice, but I could barely make out the words.
Jordin: Not up to her usual standard. Or was it? A lot of people talk about Melinda being numbingly good: I tend to think that more of Jordin.
Blake: Darned good. Second best after Melinda, IMO.
Sanjaya: Well. The Sayid look works for him, he sounded great, and is he the first AI contestant to sing (almost) entirely in another language? He is smart, I admit: everyone else did an upbeat song, and he did a ballad. I don’t think I’m going to win that bet.
Who was good: Blake (which I say grudgingly, because I have not cared for him up to this point)
Who was surprisingly better than expected: Sanjaya
Who was surprisingly average: Lakisha, Melinda, Jordin
Who sucked: Phil, Haley and Chris
Part-Brazilian Paula was just barely holding back the cringe. latin music really revealed the weaknesses of this year’s field, namely inability to move out of their comfort zone convincingly, and lack of ability to express the emotion of a song.
Lakisha really hurt herself by talking unmodestly about her own talent. I suspect she may end up in the bottom three.
At this point, I hope they just keep the interesting people around. The singing is just getting unbearable. With Chris S, Gina, Leslie and Sundance gone, they’ve managed to strip this show of anything remotely resembling character. Now we get to listen to badly done MOR pop every week.
So I’m thinking that we have to maximize the interest factor on this show. Grouping the existing contestants:
Boy Band Wannabes
Blake
Chris R.
Blake owns you, Chris buddy. You’re cut. I heard there’s a casting call for ‘Backstreet Boys - the Tribute’. You might want to check that out. I hear they sing about girls and everything.
Big-Voiced R&B singers
Melinda
Jordin
Lakisha
Melinda’s better than Lakisha, and Jordin is the only one of the three who I suspect could come out of left field and do something really different and really good. Sorry Lakisha, you’re cut. Although I’ve got to say, she’s got that ‘crazy’ vibe about her, like she could just snap on someone at any time. Or come out and sing something totally outrageous. So maybe she should stay too. At this point, I just want something interesting to happen. Enough with the dull torch songs. You too, Melinda. Don’t think we can’t cut you! Hey, they booted a decent singer from Rock Star because they asked him to sing something ‘heavy’, and he chose Duran Duran. You pull out something like ‘Memory’ or ‘You Light Up My Life’, and you’re cut. Fair warning.
The Terminally Dull
Phil
Haley
Phil’s a better singer, but not by much. And what good is being better if you’re still about a light year below the top of the pack? If you’re not good enough to be interesting, I don’t really care if you’re a better dull singer than the other dull singer. So if I’ve gotta choose, I’m going with the eye candy. Phil dude, you’re cut. And buff the shine out of that head.
The Unusual
Sanjaya
Sanjaya buddy, as far as I’m concerned you should hang in there right to the finals. I never realized it until tonight, but I actually look forward to what you’re going to do, and how the judges will react. You’re putting on a show. And tonight, you put in the best performance of the lot, or close to it. Besides, if you make it big I’m guessing there’s at least a 50/50 chance that you’ll go Michael-Jackson-weird on us and provide us with a few years of quality tabloid entertainment. So put on a weird little smile, sing a happy little song (quietly and sometimes off key), and enjoy it. And I hear Michael’s selling off the zoo, so start saving those bucks.
So I find myself thinking this way…
In the week of twelve, the two of the bottom three who were not eliminated were Sanjaya and Phil. That means everyone else who is still in it outpolled both of them at least once out of the four weeks prior to this one. I’ll take the fact that Phil was sent back first as an indication that he outpolled Sanjaya that week.
The week of eleven, Chris was in the bottom two, which means everyone else left outpolled him at least once out of four times.
In the week of ten, Phil and Haley were in the bottom three, which means everyone else outpolled Haley once and Phil a second time. I’ll again presume that Phil oupolled Haley as I believe he was sent back first (I missed that week).
There is a similar result for the week of nine. Haley and Phil outpolled again, and I’ll give the nod to Phil over Haley as he was sent back first. Additionally, in week nine, we know that Melinda, Lakisha and Jordin (the top three) each outpolled Sanjaya, Blake and Chris (the middle three).
There are 28 pair combinations of contestants:
Melinda v. Phil: She has definitely outpolled him 3 out of 4 times. I judge the likelihood that he outpolled her in the week of eleven to be nil. 4-0 Melinda.
Melinda v. Sanjaya: We know she’s outpolled him 2 out of 4 times. If there’s any justice in the world, she’s done it two more. 4-0 Melinda.
Phil v. Sanjaya: Phil’s outpolled Sanjaya once. Sanjaya’s outpolled Phil twice. I’ll give the remaining week to Sanjaya, 3-1.
Melinda v. Chris: She’s outpolled him twice that we know of, I’ll declare she’s outpolled him twice that we don’t know of: 4-0 Melinda.
Phil v. Chris: We alread know: 3-1 Chris.
Melinda v. Blake: She outpolled him last week. I’ll bet she did it three other times too. 4-0 Melinda.
Sanjaya v. Chris: They’ve bested each other once each, I’ll split the difference. 2-2.
Phil v. Blake: Blake’s outpolled Phil 3 times, let’s make it an even 4: 4-0 Blake.
Melinda v. Jordin: All we know for sure is they were both in the top three last week. I’ll call it a draw: 2-2 so far.
Sanjaya v. Blake: Blake won the first week. Since then, hard to say. Call it 2-2.
Phil v. Jordin: We know she’s beat him 3 times, let’s call it 4-0 Jordin.
Melinda v. Lakisha: no direct knowledge, call it a tie. 2-2.
Blake v. Chris: Blake’s beat Chris once, but I’m calling it a draw, 2-2.
Sanjaya v. Jordin: She’s beat him twice, but we can’t fully discount his cult. 3-1 Jordin, I say.
Phil v. Lakisha: She’s beat him three times, do we really think she got outvoted in 11 week? 4-0 Lakisha.
Melinda v. Haley: We only know Melinda’s won twice, but please. 4-0 Melinda.
Jordin v. Chris: He’s been in the bottom two and the middle three, and she’s been in the top three. I’ll bow to his staying power and call it 3-1 Jordin.
Sanjaya v. Lakisha: She’s beat him twice, but I’ll defer to his cult again: 3-1 Lakisha.
Phil v. Haley: She’s beat him once, and I am guessing he’s beat her twice. Call it even, 2-2.
Blake v. Jordin: She beat him last week, that’s all we know. Maybe a draw, 2-2.
Chris v. Lakisha: She’s beat him twice, but I’ll give him some credit: 3-1 lakisha.
Sanjaya v. Haley: She’s beat him once, he’s beat her twice, let’s give him a third. 3-1 Sanjaya.
Blake v. Lakisha: She beat him last week, but I’m giving him props: 3-1 Lakisha.
Chris v. Haley: 2-1 going in, I’ll give the remaining point to him. 3-1 Chris.
Jordin v. Lakisha: We know nothing, let’s call it a 2-2 draw.
Blake v. Haley: He’s beat her once, I bet he’s done it at least once more. 3-1 Blake.
Jordin v. Haley: Jordin’s got two, let’s give her two more. 4-0 Jordin.
Lakisha v. Haley: Please. 4-0 Lakisha.
So if their track records as I have depicted them are correct and predictive, I say Phil is most likely going home, although it could be Haley. There could be a very small chance it could be Sanjaya or Chris, and no chance at all that Melinda, Lakisha, Jordin or Blake will go.
I don’t believe it. Sanjaya pulled a rabbit out his hat—best performance of the night. I’ll have to stop making of him now. I also have to go check cnn.com to see if Hell has frozen over. As for next week’s theme, I’ve got a brainstorm: 1980’s Minneapolis scene night, with Tommy Stinson mentoring the contestants.
Oops—that third sentence should read “I’ll have to stop making fun of him now”.
I did not know this. Thank you for enlightening me.
Wow, the wrap-ups here are far more entertaining than the show was last night. I love you guys!
I had an odd thought, though. Since we’re all goggling over how well Sanjaya did last night, and many of us remember liking him in auditions before all the suck started, how many would agree that he can indeed sing, he just lacks power vocally? I’m not talking charisma or personality, cuz Haley’s a droid and Phil’s weird and Lakisha’s a ghetto bitch and Chris is manufactured cheese product and Melinda’s got that too humble thing, so Sanjaya really can’t be hung out to dry just for personality.
Last night was the first night in a long time we could actually hear Sanjaya well, could it be that he hasn’t sucked all along but the sound mixing has?
I’ve been saying that! The Sanjaya hate just drowns me out. Although, I don’t blame his whisper soft voice on the sound mixing. He really doesn’t have too much power behind his voice and, in the beginning, he oozed scared, timid child. His continued (and, I’ll admit, shocking) success has stiffened his backbone and opened up his mouth a little.
Here’s my thing: I still don’t think he’s great, but last night he sure sounded a lot better, and I think song choice and performance played as much a part in that as anything else. Last night, he sang a song that was much better suited to his voice than some of his other selections (e.g., “You Really Got Me” or “Bathwater”), and he performed sitting down, which meant that he could concentrate on singing, instead of remembering his “choreography” or flirting with Paula or what have you. So it looks like when he focuses on the musical portion of his performances, he isn’t all that bad. (Which is what makes the ruckus all the more confounding: he isn’t all that good, either, but neither was A-Fed, and he finished 4th, I think.)
gag The whole show was like being trapped in an elevator in Miami. Or perhaps a grocery store.
Blake was the only exception.