I just wanted to say thank you for that. You kind of made my day. I’m a single Mom who just took my first child to college. I’m proud of him and I’m proud of ME.
Sorry for the hijack. I was going to answer the OP but, now that I’m all proud of myself and stuff, it just doesn’t seem as important to me as it did a few minutes ago. 
Alright Stuffin! Where was my e-mail. When did you finally get custody?! I never realised you got married! Why have you left me in the dark?
Okay, now that he has been chastised…
Thank you Abe! My oldest daughters father was raised like that. His mom raised him and his brother all by herself. She is a very together woman. She pulled herself up and made something out of herself. She taught Dale Carnage courses, never went on welfare and raised two wonderful boys.
She is the person I tried to be the most like when faced with being a single parent. The best thing she ever said to me was when she told me I was doing a wonderful job raising her only (at that time) grandchild.
My daughters father and I are best friends to this day. We just didn’t make it as a couple.
When he dates he lets the women know about our daughter first thing and lets them know that he is very involved in her life.
He actually left one woman because she told him that since he paid child support he had no other obligation, and since he saw her everyother weekend he shouldn’t pick her up during the week. Buh-bye!
This is also the one who didn’t think he and I should function together. We needed to make different times for school conferences, and other school activities should not be attended at the same time.
I just wanted to say to Lizard I understand your OP, and I support your decision completely. I don’t think you are being selfish, childish, mean-spirited, callous, or anything like that. Stick to your decision. You know what’s right for you.
I do find it interesting how this discussion (and society as a whole) seems to be dividing down “children/no children” lines. And that division seems to be getting deeper, with people on either side becoming less tolerant of the other side.
ps - My vote for ‘Best Freudian Slip’ goes to Kricket for “Dale Carnage courses”! 
<Hijack>
Yikes Kricket, I’ve heard of women like that but sheesh!
Anyway custody came through a little over a month ago. Notmail lost all my contacts so there’s a few others I haven’t clued in yet either, hopefully they’ll all read this thread. Yeah I’ve been married for just over a year. Without Naimi my friends and the board, I’m sure i wouldn’t have had the strenght to fight as hard as I did. She’s making a great stepmom, the boys love her.
Their Mom at the moment has supervised visitation at the kids grandmothe’rs. She’s currently without residence, so any other visitation plans are on hold until she gets stable. Unfortunately, I’ve had to put off my plans of moving to the east coast on hold until at least next year.
Thanks for remembering me.
<byejack>
Bless me featherlou for I have sinned. I swear that it was spelled right when I wrote it!
Oh, and Stuffin, just what did you mean by that little comment of yours? Women like that?!
Boy, if there was and evil eye smilie you would be gettin’ it right now mister!
And just for the record I’ve missed you around here.
It strikes me that some don’t realize that this “attitude” happens to all (okay, most) poeple who have children.
My husband and I dated/lived together for four years before we got married and had ToddlerNym. All that time he was the biggest priority in my life. When ToddlerNym came along, she suddenly took precedence over him.
He had a difficult time with that but has generally become accustommed to it, with help from me. I had to learn to do all the same things the Single Dopers here did, just with a husband. I have to work to find time to make him feel special.
That’s how children change your life…it’s no longer about you and your relationship with other people, your kids ALWAYS should come first.
Lizard, you didn’t say how long you’d dated this woman, but it doesn’t sound like it was very long. IMHO, any woman who insists on either bringing her kids on a date or having you take them out isn’t looking for a boyfriend, she’s looking for a babysitter. Don’t walk, RUN from this woman.
Robin
First of all, this is the Pit… we haven’t had enough “fucks” in here. So fuck fuck fuckity fuck fuck fuck.
Seriously though. I was a single mom for awhile and it really is a hard job. Dating is just an extra curricular activity that I got to enjoy occasionally. The man I dated before I met my current SO was a really great guy that had a 6 year old son. He understood what it was like to have another human being to be responsible for. His son came first in his life just like my kids come first in my life. When we started dating my daughter had just turned 2 and my son was 3 months old so my kids took up a lot of my time and he understood that. Most of our dates consisted of ordering in and watching movies but that was fine with us. We’d go out alone 2-3 times a month but the rest of the time my kids (and sometimes his son) were with us.
I’ve always been a self sufficient woman and will never rely on a man to “take care of” me or my kids and I certainly wasn’t looking for a daddy for my kids. After my divorce I didn’t plan on remarrying let alone dating. I didn’t think I’d ever find a man who’d want a woman with two kids. I was rather surprised to find out just how many men out there didn’t give a shit if I had kids or not. They were interested in me for me… kids were just part of the package.
Lizard, if you don’t want to date single moms, great. Don’t do it if you can’t handle it. There’s plenty of women out there who don’t have kids, try to date them. [sub]I don’t mean that as shitty as it sounds but I can’t think of another way to word it![/sub] I do think that this woman should make some sort of effort to spend time alone with you and away from her kids but that’s just me. Maybe she has a hard time finding a sitter or something. I’d try to find someone else to go out with but that’s just me.
For those of you who do like dating single parents, make sure you let them know that you enjoy being with them and their kids. Tell them what a great job they’re doing. Single parents usually don’t get the appreciation or recognition they deserve. It’s a damn hard job and I applaud all of us that are doing it and doing it well.
:::waves white flag::::
I meant the woman you described in your post about your ex. It reminded me of people I’ve seen on Talk shows, advice column whatever, I can’t believe people that selfish exist, thats all. No offense to any women, just that particular one.
Hardly. I have nothing against kids, and I’ve yet to meet a child that didn’t like me. Why would you think I “just don’t like kids”? Did I say that?
**
No, I never said that, and yeah, she did.
**
I think you are confusing “dating” with “marriage”. No, when I am dating a woman, I don’t have any vested interest in her and some other guy’s kid unless and until I choose to. It will not be dictated to me, or held over my head as a condition. As pointed out by other posters, I’m dating her, not her kids.
I guess I should’ve expected some of the defensiveness in this thread. The fact is though that I broke up with this woman because we both agreed we wanted a semi-serious relationship, but we obviously had different definitions of what “semi-serious” meant. It definitely meant more than four hours a week of her time to me. I was willing to get to know her kids gradually, but no, if I wanted to be around her at all, almost from the begining it was only with the kids in tow. I had made it very clear to her not to expect too much from me right off the bat, or at least I thought I had. In the end, I could only conclude that she was looking for a wallet and an extra pair of hands. (I know she made a lot more grandiose recreation plans if she knew I was coming than she did before, by her own admission. Three guesses who was going to pick up the tab for these outings for her and the offspring. We both knew damn well SHE couldn’t afford it.) Unfortunately for her, those things come with a human being attached, who needs to be given some reason or convinced in some fashion to make the sacrifices she desires of him.
Needless to say, I was not convinced.
And since this was the third single mother I’ve dated that has followed this pattern, I say strike three, I’m outta here. With no regrets.
What percent of currently not married women over 30 don’t have kids?
I’m 43 and I don’t have kids. I have 3 sisters nearing or over 50 and none of them have kids. I had a sister who died childless at 56.
Says alot about my mom, huh? A single mother who subtly conveyed to all of us, quite successfully it seems, that having children means not having a life. We all chose lives.
Anyway, Lizard…smart move. If you are not up for the pseudo-daddy thing, just avoid it altogether. It really isn’t that difficult.
Don’t let anyone give you shit about it, either. It’s the kindest, smartest thing you can do for you, for the mothers of the world, and especially the children.
stoid
Allow me to rephrase.
Assuming you are not married and want to be married and have a family, what percent of women over 30 are childless but want to have kids?
I know Lizard was talking about dating and not marriage, but most men that ‘date’ are eventually looking for that.
Serious question, I’d like to know the answer or where to find it.
Don’t know the answer to this for sure, but both my roommate and I fall under that category (single, but childless, over 30).
She’s divorced. I’ve never been in a serious relationship.
However, as Lizard and I have butted heads in the past, I don’t think I’m the woman he’s looking for…
I agree with you lizard. You and she were obviously looking for different things in a relationship. It is good that it was broken off relatively early, rather than later when it would be more difficult for you, her and the chilluns.
BTW, my post above was meant in no way to omit my esteem for custodial single fathers (does that mean they are a janitor?)either.
Excuse me? Are you subtly implying that single mothers do not have lives? Because if you are, I am ready to prove you wrong. In fact, I’m more than ready to go head to head with you comparing my life to yours.
Just let me know.
Well, I can imagine if you have a dogs body! 
I agree with you, Lizard. You were just looking for different things in a relationship. It is better to break it of early when you find out that you’re not on the same page than to thumb aimlessly through the novel and become hopelessly lost.
Oh, and also, did you know that an unmarried woman over the age of 30 has a better chance of being…
::SMACK!:: “Owwww! Whaaaaaat!?!”
I don’t think anyone should give you shit about it either but, not all single moms are like the women you describe. I’ve posted before how I kept my dating life and my family life separate when my kids were young. It was not a hard decision for me. I wouldn’t even consider introducing my children to a man I was dating unless it looked like things were getting serious. Involving children in a dating relationship early in the game is not fair to either the children or the date. The women you’ve described were NOT fair to you, Lizard, but like I said, not all of us single moms are like that. I have more respect for my children and the men I’ve dated than that. So, all I’m saying is don’t write ALL single moms off. A lot of us are good, decent parents and good, decent people, too.
Oops. I didn’t know the first one went through.
[astro]
Rorry, Rorge!
[/astro]