Q: What’s the difference between an elephant and my grandmother?
A: Fifty pounds and a black dress.
Two elephants standing around in the jungle.
First elephant: “Boy, it sure is hot today.”
Second elephant: “Holy shit…a talking elephant!”
An ant is walking through the jungle and accidentally falls down into the bottom of a six foot hole. He is unable to climb out so he starts screaming for help.
A mouse wanders by and hears the ant. “Don’t worry,” says the mouse, “I’ll get my new Ferrari and tie a rope to it and toss the other end to you. All you have to do is hang on and I’ll drag you out.” Off he went to get the Ferrari.
Before the mouse returns, an elephant happens by and the ant cries out to him. The elephant sticks his dick down into the hole and the ant climbs up the elephant’s dick to safety.
Right as the ant gets free, the mouse drives up. “Hey, why didn’t you wait for me?,” the mouse asked. “We didn’t need you,” the elephant replied, “If you have a big dick, you don’t need a Ferrari.”
Haj
Another ant & elephant joke:
An elephant is walking through the jungle one day when she gets a thorn stuck in her foot. The further she walks, the more it hurts. After a while, she starts to limp. As she limps along, an ant walks up and asks, “Hey, what’s the matter?”
“I’ve got this thorn in my foot and I would do anything to get it out.”
The ant says, “Anything? Well, would you let me screw you?”
The elephant thinks about it for a minute and decides, “Why not? It’s just an ant.”
So she agrees.
The ant starts pulling on the thorn and, eventually, gets it out.
True to her word, the elephant lays down and moves her tail out of the way. The ant crawls up and starts going at it.
A monkey in a coconut tree is watching all this. He starts laughing so hard that he knocks a coconut out, and it falls, hitting the elephant on the head.
The elephant lets out a yell.
The ant screams, “Yeah, take it all, bitch!”
What do you call a boomerang that doesn’t come back?
a f**king stick…
An animal trainer is at wits end because he can’t train his new elephant to do any tricks,so he advertises $500 to anyone who can make the elephant responsive.
A potential trainer tells him,"I can make him nod yes or no,but I want $1000 for the task.
The elephant’s owner agrees,but isn’t sure he’ll get the animal to do anything because PT’s lone training tool is a long stick,which the owner has already tried when trying to make the elephant turn on cue.
The PT goes off and is back in an hour."Well,I’ve done it"he says,but I’ll need a ladder to show you.
The owner produces a ladder,which the PT leans up against the elephant,and climbs up.He says into the elephant’s ear "Remember me?"and the elephant nods yes in an up and down move. ** “You want me to whack you in the balls with this stick again” **,to which the elephant glances at the man with a mournful look and shakes his head side to side.
Hahahaha!
Got me!
Daniel
Q: How do elephants hide in apple trees?
A: They paint their balls red.
Q: How did Tarzan die?
A: Picking apples.
oh god I am dying here…
why do elephants wear ripple-soled shoes?
to give the ants a 50-50 chance.
Q: What is more difficult than getting an elephant into the back seat of your car?
A: Getting TWO elephants into the back seat of your car!
Q: What is more difficult than getting 2 elephants in the back seat of your car?
A: Getting a pregnant elephant in the back seat of your car!!
Q: Whats more difficult than getting a pregnant elephant in the back seat of your car?
A: Getting an elephant pregnant in the back seat of your car!
Q: Why do Elephants drink so much?
A: To try to forget.
Q. What’s gray and comes in quarts and gallons.
A. Elephants
Q: What do you do with an elephant with
three balls?
A: Walk him and pitch to the rhino.
What’s grey and white and red all over?
An inside out elephant.
What else is grey and white and red all over?
A can of Campbells cream of elephant soup.
I’m dying ovah heah. Oh God I love clean jokes.
Thank you,GIGO.
Speaking of elephants…
I once read that something like 6,000 elephants every year go into making piano keys. I think it’s amazing what you can train those elephants to do.
… what?
I had one of those once. God damn stick!:mad:
Why do elephants wear tennies?
Elevenies are too big and ninesies are too small?
Why did the elephant wear dark glasses?
He didn’t want to be recognized.
What did Tarzan say when he saw an elephant come over the hill?
“Here comes an elephant over the hill.”
What did Tarzan say when he saw an elephant wearing dark glasses come over the hill?
Wait for it . . . .
Nothing, he didn’t recognize him.
Psst, White Lightning: they have Safeways in England, too.
The Lion was walking through the forest and saw a mouse come along. Asserting his dominance the Lion lets out a mighty roar and screams, “WHO’S THE KING OF ALL THE LAND?!”
The mouse cowers in fear and says, “You all mighty lion…”
The lion is pleased and says, “You may live.”
Soon after a monkey comes walking, and the Lion again lets out a mighty roar, “WHO’S THE KING OF ALL THE LAND”
The monkey cries in fright, but manages to say, “You all mighty lion…”
The lion is pleased and says, “You may live.”
Next an elephant comes walking along. The Lion puffs himself up and lets out a mighty roar and yells, “WHO’S THE KING OF ALL THE LAND.”
The elephant grabs the lion with his trunk tosses him repeatedly in the air, bangs him against some trees. Tosses him against a rock, stomps on him and walks off.
The Lion looks at the elephant and says, “Just because you don’t know the answer doesn’t mean you gotta get all mad.”
How do you know if your elephant is having a period?
There’s 50 cents on your dresser and your mattress is missing…