This would be a much longer rant, but I’m still in the midst of a blood crazed rage, and it’s making my migraine worse.
So I will just say that my stepfather is a racist, religiousist (is that even a word?), insensitive bastard.
This rant is the reason I say that.
I can’t even say anymore without wanting to draw blood.
Interesting, coming from a pacifist.
And the difference with pacifists is that we don’t act on those feelings.
Hey, just because I’m a pacifist doesn’t mean that I don’t have violent tendencies.
But those violent tendencies are damn scary, IMO, and I find pacifism to be a better outlet for that aggression than, say, flying to Arizona, tearing my stepfather’s head off his shoulders, and putting it on a pike outside my apartment door.
I’m a pacifist as well, but I’ve had similar feelings about some of my in-laws as well… and for the record, my wife has had some of the same feelings about them, so it’s not just me. They’re simply fucktards of the highest order, and several of them don’t give two fucks for anyone but themselves. Denial is a way of life for them, and it sickens me. But I restrain myself around them… I consider it my own little Herculean labor.
Funny thing is, they all live in Arizona! Is it something in the water perhaps? 
takes an axe to the second ‘as well’ in the first sentence, then looks around
Well, I’ve got to take it out on something!
My family has at least three insensitive pricks.
And I’m one of them. Screw you, I guess.
God, Wiccan rants are all the same.
I have an entire family of insensitive penile members. Want 'em? I sure as Hell don’t.
With such insensitive penises, you wonder how the heck some of them even managed to reproduce.
My stepfather is an evil, alchoholic, and no offense to Christians, but this one is just stupid, prick. I’ll be listening to music, and he’ll turn the tv on. With the volume up. Without a word to me. Or turn the lights off, while I’m sitting there studying. Anyone who doesn’t agree with his right-wing republican views is stupid, which is ironic because I actually agree with some of his views, and I wouldn’t mind talking politics if he weren’t such a fucking dickhead.
I haven’t decided whether my mother is worse, she just sits there and does nothing about the way he treats me. Which is just bastardly. She’s my mother, she’s supposed to protect me from dodoheads like him. But noooooo she marries him. :rolleyes: and of course makes me move halfway across this damned country in the process. Goddamn complacent women. Stand up for yourself, and your kids. She doesn’t even stand up for herself… she’s a dem, btw, and doesn’t say a WORD when he’s spouting his Christian bullshit. (Once again, no offense to Christians) I’ve even caught myself considering saying Democratic things just so my mother will stand up for herself and her beliefs, even though I’m a Libertarian mostly, and tend to NOT be Democratic. Nothing pisses me off more than being complacent.
Hug! We all have crappy families, I think, the only varience is how openly prickish the members are.
I guess I’m glad that I’m not a pacifist then. If I were to imagine killing someone it would be as a means to an end (getting rid of them), not as a “satisfying” experience.
Geez. I feel pretty lucky. My stepfather is a half-decent guy. Of course, he’s only ten years older than me, and I’m a LOT bigger than him, so that helps. 
I’m assuming you are male, iydkiwt. But even if you aren’t, I would strongly recommend not doing this. It is not your job to get your mother to “stand up for herself.” She is an adult, and she has the right to be complacent, if that’s what she wants. After all, how would you feel if she fomented conflicts merely to force you into a course of action she wanted you to take? You’d feel manipulated, with good reason.
Not only that, I suspect that if your mother doesn’t argue with stepdad already, she won’t speak up if you manufacture some sort of disagreement. It’s a losing proposition for you in every way. Problems like this are best just outlived. (i.e., get your own place as soon as possible.)
I’m getting off the soapbox now. . . .
My dad is just a sad, old racist. Everytime he gets his dander up, we just roll our eyes and leave the room. No use argueing with him. It’s like teaching a pig to sing; it wastes your time and it annoys the pig.
Now my older brother is the religious perfectionist. We siblings call him “the Deacon”. We are rather glad that he’s moved out of state. Less harrassment on a regular basis.
According to the Deacon, even though I’m a Christian, I’m a bad, evil person because I …
A. Am Fat
B. Drink alcohol IN PUBLIC!
C. BUY alcohol (I don’t see his arguement here, but whatever…)
D. married and don’t have kids. (don’t want them, either)
E. don’t try to show my best friend (or her life partner) the “error of their ways”. (I don’t think Love is ever wrong. Period. The Deacon can bite me.)
and lest we forget…
F. Didn’t vote for George Bush, and think he’s a big weenie.
He’s such a prick. Now thankfully, we just have to deal with him on holidays and such.
My in-laws came for a visit and we took them out for dinner and my mil says loudly “well, look at all the darkies and fatties that eat here”, um…right in front of my two children. I just couldn’t believe that people even think that way, let alone verbalize it so the entire section of the restaurant can hear it. But then later that night she fell down my stairs and broke her arm…thank goodness for karma! And people (even my own mother) asked if I pushed her…I think most families have a member or two that they are less than proud to share dna or any ties with. Margo
<<dreaming of pushing my mother-in-law down a flight of stairs>>
Damn, Margo! You just made my day! Divine retribution for evil M-I-Ls!! When Karma Attacks!!
Love it Love it Love it
My daughters are completely selfish. It’s just me, me, me all the time. Of course, they are only 5 months old, so I guess I can forgive them.
Well, I’ve calmed down somewhat.
It seems someone has an issue with my choice of faith, but all I can do is shrug. Their problem, says I.
A few more people seem to have an issue with my being a pacifist. Pacifism, for me, certainly does not mean that I have one hundred percent complacency and zero passion. I have a very violent temper and equally violent aggressions. So what? I know that, I’m not deluding myself about it. Sure, it’s a damn struggle to spend every minute of every day saying, “I will not lash out. I will not lash out. I will not lash out.” I won’t deny that causes a lot of communications problems in my marriage, mostly because I’m afraid of my violent temper and would rather have the problems than the temper any day.
And yes, I could easily give in to that violence that swirls inside me, a darkness on my spirit. It comes from inherited temper twice over (my mother has a horrendous temper, and my late father did too), and a series of verbal, emotional, and other abuse. I have been known to break walls and doors in my time, and nearly injure people who are practically made of steel. But guess what? I’m better than that now. I refuse to let my aggressions rule my head. Because it really is damn scary to see my temper on the loose.
I’m just quirky like that.
Some more info on this whole exchange. As indicated in my weblog link previously, my stepfather made it a habit for the last two or three weeks to just forward all sorts of mindless shit to my inbox. I actually had to create a new folder just for that to get automatically filtered to.
I finally got tired of seeing all of that racist stuff in my inbox, and I just sent an email, asking him to please stop sending that stuff, I find it offensive, thanks much.
His reply: “Go live in Iraq if you don’t like the US. You’ll move back in two weeks. Oh wait, you’re a lady so they wouldn’t let you.” Or some such idiocy.
Now, exactly what the fuckleduck did I ever say that warranted such stupidity? That I found it offensive? I’m glad SOMEONE is getting some sort of stupid low intelligence humour out of it, but I am NOT.
My reply: “If you can’t respect that I find that material to be offensive and racist, then you can just go soak your head in a bucket of pig slop, you inconsiderate ass.” Along with a bit more explanation as to WHY I found it offensive, and the fact that if I ever moved out of the US, I would never return so long as he lived here. I think I added some other vitriolic things, too.
I sent another email this morning. Basically said that I have every right to criticize the war and the President if I want, that’s my right as an American, and if it offends him to see me being an American, he could just bloody well move. I also advised him that his email is currently on my blocked list, and not to bother sending me any other garbage from any of his other addresses, as those’ll just wind up blocked too. And this was a lot more polite.
This is a bit of a jump for me, because that same email address is what I use to communicate with my mother and my brothers. I am also going to be screening my phone calls (let the voicemail get it when I’m home, let my husband get it when he’s home).
My stepfather, you must understand, is a bit of a mindless prig. When I was just starting junior high, he kept telling me I should feel free to talk to him about sex if I have any questions, etc. Yeah, right. The week I turned eighteen, I flew out to Texas to visit with my best friend, and he told me it was okay if I came back pregnant, just not with AIDS. The hell? Last I knew, my best friend was a female too. I highly doubt she had any great plans to go get me all knocked up.
From the time I got kicked out (“You are an adult and you must have your own housing by the time August is here”) all the way up until I got married (Feb 2003), he would constantly harrass me about working, money, being an obedient wife to my husband, etc. I was used to it, but my husband pointed out that my stepfather treated me like I was twelve.
Neither of my best friends like him. My husband just barely tolerates him (in that, “As long as he treats me like an adult, I can live with it, but the minute he tries to push me around too, he’ll get a blistering earful and then some” sort of way). I am told that my mother in law would NOT get along with my stepfather (which I can believe). Same with my sister in law (which I can also believe).
Oh yes, and the great gem that just always warms my heart.
A couple years ago, my mother and my stepfather got into a huge argument while I was visiting. I was just sitting on the couch, minding my own business, as their fight got louder and more vicious. All of a sudden, out of nowhere, my stepfather whirls on me, points at me righteously, and proclaims, “This is all YOUR fault! If you weren’t always encouraging her to be defiant, we wouldn’t be having marriage problems!”
All I did was crack up in laughter. My baby brother came out to see what was so funny, I was laughing that hard.
But damn, did that piss my mother off even more.
UMmmmmm I think they are having marriage problems because you stepfather is a vile, insensitive, stupid hate monger.
You are right to block his email - and you would not be wrong to never speak to him again. You don’t deserve being emotionally abused. You wouldn’t put up with that crap from anyone else - you shouldn’t put up with it from him.
Ignore him. Don’t take his calls. Avoid him at family get-togethers. And if your family tries to guilt you for it, “Bob is so hurt that you insist on treating him like this - Don’t act like a child - Why do you have to be so mean to Bob?” Tell them to bite you.
Your peace is worth more than his feelings.
And look into Caller ID. I don’t have to talk to my mother-in-law any more. I see her name pop up and will not answer. Peace at last.
Sapphire Wolf Why haven’t you invested in a punching bag? Either a big heavy one that can take your hardest kicks and punches,or a little one that you can hit with a blinding flurry of punches? There must be someplace you could put one up?
Being a pacifist does not mean you can’t take out your aggression physically. The Rede does not apply to inanimate objects after all,and internalizing the negative emotion could be doing yourself harm. Go on,get it out of your system,and know that once you’ve expelled it,you don’t have to take it back.
** Eternal ** ,you’d be suprised at the diversity on this board,and among the people who share the “same” religion. I’d advise you to think before you type,because you never know who you are offending. Courtesy is given where it is recieved. I certainly give more than the time of day to people who actually show me some consideration. Those who do not,find themselves at polite arm’s length.
Trust me on this, DeVena, the only way I’ll talk to HIM about anything is if I receive some sort of abject apology from him. I’m truly fed up with this sort of attitude from him. Being from small town Ohio doesn’t give him the right to be an ass to me. I’m not even going to mention his views on my choice of faith.
My husband and I are planning another wedding, a bigger and more ceremonial one for me (the first one was secular and small for the husband). My stepfather even managed to bring up some objections he had about that, because of my religion.
I love my Mommy. She put the serious smackdown on him at that point.
Zabali, the reason is, frankly, I have no room. I live in an older one bedroom apartment, so there’s no place to really hang it without it being in the way, and there honestly is just no space. That is, however, first on my list for when we get a house.
In the meantime, I just turn up my “loud” music, slap the earphones on, and breathe.