I’m an atheist. When I die why can’t I just cease to be? I don’t want to go to heaven because of the people who say they are going to heaven are not the people I want to spend eternity with. I don’t want to go to hell because of the people who say they are going to hell are not the people I want to spend eternity with.
If I am wrong and there is something after death I hope God, Goddess,Gods or whatever sends me to my own place. Just me, my dogs, four seasons, quality beer and good music.
lamost heaven, west virginia…
'cept, I’ve SEEN WV - I’ll take hell, thank you very much!
I go to church just for the alcohol
You know those little tags on matresses that say “DO NOT REMOVE”? Yep, I’m going straight to Hell for that one.
I think you go to the lowest circle your sins allow. It would be pretty lame if some sower of discord got bumped up to the first circle simply because he was also unbatized.
Well, the vow to crush christianity beneath the iron heel of my new-Earth-regime would probably work against my favor…
…but that’s only if they get me first. 
>:)
Ranchoth
“Judge not, lest ye be Judged.”
if, when i die, my soul is reborn into the body of any of the following:
a state or federal politician
an “ordained” preacher
an american “professional” football player
a prison guard
a collections agent
we can assume i’ve entered a dimension of hell. the real question is: will i know i’m there?
mary
ps, a question for the wiccans-i sort of see wicca as the catholicism of paganism, with dogma and the like. if you wanna email me and tell me your thoughts on that, i’d be really interested.
I am going to Hell because…
…I forgot to take that left turn at Albuquerque.
…Y’all won’t let me out of this freakin’ handbasket.
…My knees are too stiff to do Limbo.
…Cloud-sitting will agravate my acrophobia so my therapist has advised against Heaven.
That’s all I can think of right now.
It’s the “Lust in the heart” is as bad as the real thing. Obviously they never got any…
Told a friend once that I was a Unitarian. He snorted and said “Unitarian - that’s a sure ticket to Hell!”
I do have a safety net. As a retired Southern Baptist, I seem to recall once something about “once saved, always saved”. However, my “glory” will be lesser than others, like my boss. I would probably end up pushing the Lawn Boy around the mansions.
Can we do hotdogs and beer along with the marshmellows?
Well it’s funny that you should ask, there is actually quite a story behind this. I was at our basketball court the other day (it’s actually an old tennis court that my father and I converted to be our basketball court as none of us really like tennis) and this big dude with a long white beard shows up. He calls himself HG. I was unsure what the hell that meant and he explained Holy Ghost and I said “AHHHHH, fair enough, wanna play some ball?”
He goes, “sure, wanna make this interesting? If you win, you get mars, and if I win you have to spend eternity in hell.”
I go, “ouch, that’s kinda steep but I’m pretty damn good so sure.”
So anyhow, it was a tight game, HG has got game – one hell of a cross over and can shoot the lights out. I’m pretty good myself though and before we knew it, the score was 20 all, next basket wins. It was my ball, and I did a fade away jumper over top of him and won. As it turns out, I celebrated a bit too much and HG got pretty upset (Torched our barn actually, I thought this was a little uncalled for!!). Anyhow, he refused to give up Mars so we got into quite the screaming match and it ended off with me saying “Yeah, well, Jesus was an atheist.” Anyhow, he got quite offended and condemned me to hell…
At that point, I threw the basketball at him (I know, stupid stupid stupid) and just for that he said, “Just for that, not only are you going to hell, you’re bunking with GWB – HA”
I damn well better enjoy life cause death is gonna suck.
I did a lot of lusting and corrupting, and had lots of impure thoughts. I still do.
Ah well, I just have to corrupt my SO enough that she ends up in the same place.
Do people really think that? Wow!
OMG…I’ll pray for you Guin 
Man, what kind of church do you go to? Is the alcohol free? I am tired of paying $8 dollars a drink.
I hope I am not going to hell, but I know I deserve to.
There are no atheist in hell, only believers. :eek:
That could very well sum up exactly how I feel. Thats one of the more intelligent phrases i’ve heard lately.
I didn’t realize this thread was still going. Haven’t been in this section for awhile. If everybody want’s to joke about hell for awhile, that’s cool. By the way, I wish you’d stop saying I’m the quickest around here to condemn people. I’m not condemning anyone, just repeating what God says about it. I’ve just quoted Scripture and you all have drawn your own conclusions. Sorry you don’t understand. Okay now on with the joking! By way, I really like marshmallows.
Jersey Diamond, come and join us 'Piscys. Not only do we have wine every Sunday, it’s good wine! Transubstantiation is optional.
By the way I also love the line, “There are no atheists in hell, only believers.” Would you mind if I borrowed it some time? I’ll bring it right back . . .
CJ
I use the story of how my grandmother passed away to get me in good with the ladies. Its a touching story and will make alot of ladies teary eyed. Now why this works I have no idea; I just roll with it. But yeah I’m pretty sure satan has a spot reserved for yours truely.
C’mon H4E, give us a hilarious hell joke!
(By the way, I’ve donned my asbestos thong and I’m leading the parade!)
Wait, so is hell just going to be a big, warm Dopefest with marshmallows and hotdogs? I’m totally in for that.
'Course, even if it isn’t, I’m probably in, anyhow. I’ve done far too much coveting, swearing and lying not to go to hell. What’s heaven for if isn’t for keeping people like me out? The Mormons/Jehova’s Witnesses/other door-to-door religion salespeople agree. Or they would, if they weren’t bound and gagged in the cellar.
Fire it up, baby - I’m going’ in!