You’ll fit right in here 
QGG, a question re: your belief that a woman who sleeps with both men and women is bisexual:
Do you believe that action determines sexuality?
I’d like to add that Pricegal sleeps with me on a regular basis but refers to herself as a lesbian; would you say that she’s flat-out wrong?
Holy shit! Busy little bees 
Eh, to throw in my opinion on a load of things.
Fire was fantastic, excellent film.
Bound was the most fun true entertainment
Mullholland Drive, where is that pukey emoticon… but then David Lynch gives me hives.
Your ex will get over the fascinated stage after a while, but let her wallow in it for the meantime if that is what she wants to do. The less actual gay-stuff around you the longer this period might take. I am living in a small town now and two of my friends are still in the OH-WOW phase after like 3 years, because there is nothing around here to get bored of. They buy every awful indy dyke movie that comes out of canada, subscribe to a number of magazines, and travel to events around the country
Bi guys and girls I have no problem with, I think the bias within the gay community towards bis is shameful.
Straight girls making out in public purely to pick up guys I do have a problem with. But they aren’t the same thing 
As for labels? Life is too short, call yourself whatever you want, everyones definitions are different and the day we stop defining this shit and putting people in little boxes will be a good one. What in the hell kind of difference can it possibly make if I think Priceguys girlfriend has the “right” to call herself a lesbian or not? Granted if I were Priceguy I would probably feel quite hurt.
I don’t believe hat action determines sexuality, but I think one should be aware of ones actions, sexuality is a very fluid thing.
QGG , what an interesting thread you’ve started. I’ve really enjoyed reading all the posts…
I have a very good friend who is a lesbian. She’s been in a relationship with a woman for almost 8 years. Recently she’s been saying how upset she gets when her straight friends get married - mainly because gay marriages are not recognized in the US. So I suggested she have a big shindig at her house with all the trimmings…not sure if she will do that…I was just wondering if you and your “wife” had some kind of a ceremony?
You think I should? I feel kind of flattered, really. She’s a lesbian, but she’s with little me! By choice. Cool.
Your opinion on the matter is somewhat important, however. As has been stated elsewhere in this thread, if girls go around calling themselves lesbians and sleeping with men at the same time, that does influence the general view of lesbians in a negative way. Now Pricegal doesn’t go around with a sign saying “Lesbian” hanging around her neck, but if pressed, she (probably) will reply with that.
The hurt thing was that if I were in that situation, I would interpret her holding onto the label as a lack of commitment, or “keeping a door open” or whatever, but then I know nothing about your relationship.
If as many girls were doing that as are doing the present “bi-for-attention-of-guys” then yeah, it might become an issue, but as far as I know, there aren’t, so for me it’s not an issue. The reason I could have a problem with it if it were more prevelant is a purely selfish one, a practical one not an idealogical one; for every girl that tells some guy shes a dyke and then has sex/relationship with him, the harder it gets for guys to take a “no thanks I don’t swing that way” from me, “But Marcy said that, and she didn’t mean it!”. I have no problem getting my head around a lesbian that shags guys, but I think a lot of guys might. If you get me?
IMO she calls herself whatever she believes she is. My working definition has more to do with what you want than what you do. If she believes, for example, that she’s a lesbian who happened to have found one particular guy who does it for her, that’s fine. I just grow weary of, for example (seen it on these boards), people who say “well, I haven’t been bisexual for a while now since I [do something specifically with the opposite sex] now”. To me, action means less than desire. If, for example, you want to be with your own gender but are with the other instead, that doesn’t make you heterosexual.
Well, she doesn’t really hold onto the label, she just answers “lesbian” if asked. And sometimes she refuses to have a label at all, which I think is the best approach for anybody.
I asked this above, but you probably missed it: Have you seen Selma och Sofie? If so, what did you think?
FWIW, Priceguy, you and yours are not the first time I’ve encountered a woman identifying herself as a lesbian and sleeping with a man. I was utterly mystified the first time because, to me, lesbian=not desiring men for sex. Yet that’s specifically what it was(n’t? She liked the guy for sex, among other things) in this past case, and from what you’ve said it’s what it is in this case as well.
And this is why sexuality is so damn hard to understand. Just when we think we have something like “lesbians don’t dig sex with men” down concrete and we can move on to The Gay Agenda, someone comes along and says “Well, er, I’m a lesbian and I like sex with men” and just throws it all to Hell.
Sorry, nope haven’t seen it, but have heard about it.
As it happens I can defintely reccomend a film here: Show Me Love (aka Fucking Amal) is a very good Swedish film about teen lesbians although it’s really more of a film about being an outsider.
Okay, so what about a person who is female and who is sexually attracted to females, but who tends not to fall in love with females? You can’t really call such a person straight, can you?
Thanks for the titles. It’s In The Water is the fave movie of a friend of mine (big queen :)). I’ll add to my list.
That’s kind of been my experience also, unfortunately, which is why I asked. Seems to me that the (well-intentioned) agenda that drives a lot of the genre gets in the way of people telling just plain good stories. Of course, that can be said for lots of other genres as well.
The two leads are Gina Gershon and Jennifer Tilly. Not sure if you’re thinking about a different film.
Oh, and from someone else’s post, the movie Fucking Amal is great.
I’m bisexual, but would agree with QueerGeekGirl, that to an extent you don’t really know that you’re bisexual, gay or straight until you’ve actually been there. You can think that you probably are or might be or whatever, but until you’ve had a proper relationship with someone of the same sex, opposite sex or both, I’m not sure that you can really claim that label.
Anyway. What I really wanted to ask about was whether anyone had any views on the film “Chasing Amy”. That film really annoyed me. I felt as though the lead female character (whose name I’ve now forgotten) just switched personality in the middle. I <i> believed </i> in her as a lesbian, but I really couldn’t believe in her when she went all pathetic and started apologising for her past.
On the labels front, what do you think of bisexual women (I have a couple of friends who do this) who call themselves “lesbian” when they’re dating a woman but “straight” when they’re not?
Personally, I always have trouble when I’m dating because people will assume that that means I have a preference for that gender. When I was in a longterm relationship with a woman, everyone assumed I was gay; now that I’m in a longterm relationship with a man, everyone assumes I’m straight. Any way past this short of just telling people which gets tedious?
iampunha–
To an extent, yes. Of course, there are exceptions (celibate folks who’ve never slept with anyone), but I do believe that a woman (or a man) who sleeps with both genders is bisexual. Don’t actions usually go back to desires? Of course, I’m speaking of consensual, enjoyed sex. There are the cases of people who feel too pressured by societal expectations and cave to an unwanted marriage and production of children. I think, though, if a person willingly sleeps with those of both genders, they are bisexual.
Priceguy–
I’m assuming you’re male and not transgendered, right? In that case, if Pricegirl is in a relationship with you and sleeps with you willingly and joyously (I would hope!)–yes, I would label her bisexual and not a lesbian.
Cervaise–
QueerGeekGirl’s memory, it suffers. I meant Jennifer Tilly.
Sappho–
Regarding bisexual women who use the label lesbian whilst in a girl-girl relationship–it goes back to the bisexuals-in-a-bad-light-thing. I think because of the experimental bisexual, a lot of true bisexual people are afraid of the label, which I totally understand. As hard as I try, I sometimes have a hard time taking bisexual folks seriously–which is my wrongness, of course.
A “Bisexual & Proud” tattoo? Man, I got nothin’. I think you’re pretty much stuck with the tedium of telling people.
>Okay, so what about a person who is female and who is sexually attracted to females, but who tends not to fall in love with females? You can’t really call such a person straight, can you?
Well, “tends not” imples that there is a possibility there, no matter how remote, right? Although admittedly, this is splitting hairs.
I know I’m being somewhat pendantic in that definition. My point is that we tend to think of sexuality as purely sex, when really the equation includes not only sex but various types of emotional involvement. Personally I wouldn’t date someone who said “well, I’m attracted to you but I can’t fall in love with you.” I’d wonder just what that person wanted from me that she couldn’t get from her Hitachi Magic Wand.
In reality though, my actual take on the homosexual/bisexual line is that sexuality and emotional attachments are so fluid that ultimately these labels aren’t horribly descriptive. Politically they are necessary, but in that case I prefer the word “queer”-- it encompasses so much more, including AFAIK straights who would rather ally themselves with sexual minorities than identify heterosexist dogma.
The link I saw here Link has some women in wet tops, but not topless.
Now for a question…if not Gaydar, how would one lesbian go about identifying another? Aside from an overtly butch look (which may not even mean she is a lesbian AFAIK) are there other clues?
I once read someplace an interview with a lesbian…she was asked how she spotted another lesbian and she replied, “The fingernails are a dead giveaway”. This answer was lost on a knuckle dragger such as myself, can somebody enlighten me??
TIA.
Duke of Rat–
First, I find it funny that I originally typed “Dyke of Rat”. Haw, haw, haw.
Anyway, I take it you mean how does one lesbian spot another through purely physical things, and not conversating, etc. There is, of course, the butch look, which we all know pretty well. There are some other factors–lack of a wedding band, a certain walk that I called the “tank walk”, the way she dresses, her hairstyle, where I may spot her at (Bob’s Sporting Goods vs David’s Bridal), very obvious signs like Pride jewelry or stickers on her car, what magazines she’s perusing at the bookstore, what music may be coming from her car, how she interacts with a female or male companion (if there’s one present), etc.
The fingernail crack was alluding to the fact lesbians, uh, well–we use our hands a lot during sex, and long fingernails are a no-no for a lot of things. Even femme lesbians with acrylic nails will sometimes keep a certain fingernail (or nails) somewhat shorter than the others. On a more innocent note, she could have been referring to the fact that a lot of lesbians don’t have the usual feminine attributes such as long nails.
My prurient side figured the “no fingernails for sex sake” angle…just wanted to make sure I wasn’t reading something else. Of course it would be hard to re-build the carb on your pick-up truck with long nails
AFAIK I have only known 4 lesbians as personal friends…the one common characteristic that really jumped out was the “walk”, but since I already “knew” it didn’t seem strange to me. A buddies sister walked the same way, and she wasn’t a lesbian…at least if she was she hid behind a husband and kids.