If you are so religious that you don’t have premarital sex (for religious reasons), that’s weirdly religious to me and not someone I want to be in a relationship with. There are all kinds of fine, sane religious folks, but I’m not big on the damn this, fire and brimstone that, don’t do this brand. Again, just my personal feelings.
I think Dio and I have similar feelings here. Sure, you can do that, but for me? Yeah, having to give detailed instructions ruins it for me.
First of all, having to coach and give instructions during sex is a huge turnoff, and secondly, it’s not like they’re going to respond that much to coaching anyway. I think you have an idealized fantasy of what it’s actually like. In real life it’s a pain in the ass with little reward, and if you’re talking about someone who is clearly starting out with hangups, it’s even worse.
Why even try to go through all that work if you can just as easily find somebody who knows what they’re doing and doesn’t have to be coddled like a child?
You wouldn’t even think it was a LITTLE bit strange for a guy over 30 to have never been laid? That’s not normal. Either he’s hyper-religious, or he’s got some kind of serious issues that you aren’t going to be able to coach him through.
Then you’re definitely doing it wrong. 
I definitely floated one right over the heart of the plate that time. You didn’t have a choice but to crush it into the third deck. Take your bases.
Late 20s technical virgin here…
I’ve had the unfortune of never experiencing mutual attraction. Well, I’ve been propositioned from friends here and there that I’ve been attracted to. However, I’d never hook up with a friend, way too much drama potential.
I’m not deeply religious. I was in my teens but that died out in my early 20s. I don’t have significant issues with sex. And I don’t have a third arm or anything.
I’m frustrated by these stereotypes. I’m just an ordinary girl, who has never lucked up on finding an opportunity.
Well damn. I’ve got two years to find a hooker.
It’d be a dealbreaker for me at any age. I don’t care why he’s still a virgin, or think ill of him, I’m just not interested in teaching any 101 courses.
To put it mildly, that wasn’t my experience at all - I perceived no hangups beyond those one might experience with any new partner, and I found the whole thing QUITE rewarding. Married the guy, even. (A couple of years later.)
Yes, I did find it unusual, but I’m glad that in the end I decided not to prejudge the situation based on arbitrary criteria. But hey, to each his own.
I’d far rather have to deal with a bit of first-time jitters than, for example, deal with the BS attitude of one particular long-term ex of mine who’d had a bunch of previous partners. Gave him a swollen head, it did - and he was nothing to write home about.
P.S. My husband’s reasons for getting to the point in life that he did with his virginity intact had little, if anything, to do with religion - he’s a bit of an introvert until you get to know him, true, but no more so than plenty of other friends of mine. I didn’t find it offputting at all. (Yes, some of my best friends are geeks, but I don’t think that exactly makes me stand out around here.)
From the postings so far, you are not doing too badly. I for sure would find nothing alarming there. Were you a male you’d be looking at having a much harder time of it(alright, stop snickering, youse wiseguys). As someone pointed out already, there seems to be more of us on the M side willing to accept/tolerate… then again maybe that’s just guys being guys, some would say.
OTOH, it seems to me DianaG’s
…is a quite honest position. No need to pass judgement on what is a sign of proper personal development, play amateur psychoanalyst, dismiss someone’s beliefs – somebody can just feel that leading someone through that phase of life is not what s/he’s looking for (or maybe even “been there, done that”).
An old friend of mine recently admitted to being a 25 year old virgin. Then he asked me if I would fix that.
I never thought that would be a problem for me, but it was. It’s a shame too. He’d otherwise be perfect for me.
I’ve mentioned on this thread that my wife was a virgin when I met her. Yet there was nothing to coach. When the time came for us to have sex, it was no more difficult, and at the same time no easier, than when it was the first time for me to have sex with my previous, non-virgin, girlfriends. It really wasn’t that big a deal.
Hey, I hear you. I was a “technical virgin” until my mid-20s, and it wasn’t by choice - the opportunity just never presented itself until later in life. Sometimes it just happens that way. And it’s not like I was living like a nun until then.
I’ve only had two sex partners in my entire life. My first partner never knew I was a virgin when I met him. My inexperience with penetrative sex was pretty irrelevant - I didn’t need any coaching and he obviously enjoyed it enough to come back for more. 
It’s only fun to “teach” someone if they are open-minded and willing to learn. And I have a hard time believing that anyone who remains a virgin past the age of thirty is terribly open-minded. Not because I think that it’s all about sex, but that I see people cementing themselves in their ways more and more, post-30.
As for the Muslem/religious background thing, while I highly doubt there is a Muslim man who remains a virgin - after all it’s only upon girls to remain chaste :rolleyes: - there is no way I’d ever go there to start with. I was raised like that, and it took me a long time to get past my own cultural and religious hangups. I am now at a place in my life where I know myself, where I am confident and know what I like. I don’t feel like going over those rapids again, with someone else.
Well, it depends on what you mean by “virgin”. If you mean someone who’s never inserted their tab into someone else’s slot, or vice versa, then it wouldn’t really matter to me. But if you mean someone who’s never had a sexual experience at all–not even heavy petting or makeout sessions, say–then I’d start finding it a bit odd past 30. Not necessarily a dealbreaker, but a bit of a red flag.
That’s 22 out of 91 men (24 %) and 40 out of 70 women (57 %) polling ‘yes, after age X’, as of now. The main reason given seems to be ‘red flag of serious hangups/hidden flaws’, with some ‘expect a subpar experience’.
I would like to ask a related question of those responding ‘yes’, particular of the majority of women responding:
I don’t think you’d ask a potential partner outright if he/she is a virgin, don’t you? (I for one have never been asked by anyone, just things like (indirectly) ‘Are you in a relationship?’, (directly) ‘Are X and you a couple?’ [X and I being an item but not a couple] and roundabout ‘You don’t entertain a lot of women here? It shows.’)
So, do you expect people to volunteer the information? What’s your opinion of people just not letting on if not asked - do you consider that a deception destroying all trust, or a legitimate case of putting one’s best foot forward?
(and yes, I can see how trying to subvert your considered generalized judgment in this matter can conceivably be seen in a very ugly light.)
I mean, maybe I’m just a floozy, but after varying periods of time, sex comes up. Once we start talking about sex, I’d expect that info to be volunteered (because I wouldn’t think to ask a man over say, 18, if he was a virgin). If we get straight to the tab A into slot B of things, I’m going to be a little pissed if he doesn’t tell me he’s a virgin. Fact is, the first time you bang somebody, it’s sort of a big deal. I’d like to know what I’m getting myself into.
Well, I’m going to have a discussion about diseases, so yes. That information had better be revealed right then or else the person is a liar. “I’ve been tested” is not equivalent in any way to “I’m a virgin.” Substituting one for the other, in either direction, is an outright lie.
The thing is that those people who you look at or talk to at and think “that guy has got to be a virgin” may or may not actually be virgins. I can’t imagine many people telling everyone they were one, I think after a certain age we just assume everyone has lost their virginity unless they are excessively weird. Only one friend of mine has told me that she was in fact still a virgin at 31, and I was surprised - she is a perfectly ordinary, pleasant person.
Actually, some of the most unpleasant and unattractive people I have ever met are either in sexual relationships or have been in the past. I just don’t think virginity automatically equals craziness, or vice versa.
So I said virginity would never be an issue for me - there are just too many variables.
*not to pick on you, PookahMacPhellimey, it was just a good sentence to quote.
I picked Male: After 20 years old it’d bother me.
I’ve met several post 21-year old female virgins; they are just full of crazy.
This.