Meaning is what you make of it. I like to turn the question “What is the meaning of life?” into “What gives life meaning?” and take actions that are meaningful instead of sitting around wondering just about it.
Wouldn’t a materialist say that love is neurochemical in nature, as are all other human emotions?
Can we get back to advising the OP on his relationship rather than derailing into a Great Debates topic?
What gives life meaning?
Can life have meaning?
And on that note, to the OP:
Your wife’s use of the silent treatment to avoid tough discussions is near-abusive and at the very least counterproductive to having a mature, adult relationship. She has blatantly changed from when you married her, and I would suggest you continue to try to have discussions with her, and if she doesn’t talk back, just keep talking to her. Tell her what you’re feeling. Tell her that her refusal to look for work is dooming the two of you to poverty and being miserable. Be gentle but persistent. If she refuses to budge or open up, then start talking about how the two of you need to make plans to separate.
Would a “soulmate” (of any definition) purposely stonewall you and do things to make you miserable?
Are souls so fragile that if you don’t believe in them they stop existing, like fairies?
As for the meaninglessness of life, well, if life is meaningless then so is meaninglessness. The meaninglessness of life is itself meaningless, and so how can you despair over life’s lack of meaning?
We humans are creatures that evolved from earlier forms of life, and so we have the same sorts of drives and desires that caused our earlier ancestors to live, grow, reproduce, and care for their children. Other creatures that were alive at the time our our ancestors had those drives to a lesser degree, and so didn’t leave behind any descendents. Every single one of your ancestors for millions of years had something very unusual in common: they lived and thrived long enough to create children.
And so, I’m the same way. I want to live, I want to grow, I want to care for my children, I want to live in a social group, because that’s the kind of creature my ancestors were successful at being, and that’s how I’m made. There is no greater universal purpose in this, the universe is utterly indifferent to human life. And so what?
After some thoughts on this, this is what came to me. Take the story/myth of Jacob and his wives Leah and Rebecca, with Rebecca as the person you fell in love with and Leah as your wife’s father’s daughter - the one under the control of her father. They are the same person , yet differing aspects of her, one you want and the other who her dad wants of her.
Now you both may be able to just move away from her dad, but if not, seek out any opportunity to rightfully claim his hold over her from him. Even jokingly if a opportunity to take that claim over her comes, grab it and fulfill that end of the agreement.
I believe Yes, if the soulmate is under the control of another. It is not only possible but probably, as any such type of control is anti-love and as such will seek to prevent the soulmates from coming together.
The only way to fix this is to talk. It will be hard, but there you go.
Take her out and away from her dad for the weekend. Some cheap and somewhat local weekend getaway < 1 hour drive. Have some fun there. The next day, after a nice breakfast or brunch, go for a walk and have “the talk.” She needs to be a captive audience.
Lay some ground rules of the conversation. You speak without interruption while she listens. When you have made your point, she repeats back what you said, paraphrasing. Then she tells her side, uninterrupted. Then you paraphrase back what she said. No attacks or name calling, explicit or implicit (i.e., your stupid religion). Mutual respect. If the rules are broken, gently remind. If rule breaking continues then perhaps you have your answer about impossibility of resolution.
Stake out your religious territory in the marriage with a brief explanation of why you are an atheist and why that won’t change. Tell her who you are and what you need and want (mutual respect of each other’s philosophies). No attempting to convert each other. No religious jabs. No manipulation. No coercion. No subjecting you to her religion (in the car or otherwise). The ability to discuss religious matters like adults. Perhaps honest respectable debates are allowed, but you may not want to go there because it may be too volatile.
You will not read the Bible or take on any part of her religion or rituals. However, out of respect for her and her family, you will go to church with her, but you will not pray or be religious in any way. You will not convert. She will not expect you to do otherwise. When you are going to church with her, you will not undermine her religion or her rituals (i.e., crap on her religious experience) by suggesting there are more productive things you could be doing. You need her to to act likewise toward you (e.g., suggesting you read the Bible as an alternative to whatever you are doing).
You need her to not allow her dad to undermine your values or your relationship. She should defend you against her dad (i.e., Please respect my husband although we disagree on religion.) You expect you and her father to disagree on religious matters but mutually respect each other.
If you are to have children, you will not hide your views on religion. You will share your views with your child(ren) with respect for her views, and vice versa.
If she won’t even have this conversation, it’s time to move on.
If she has the conversation, don’t allow the conversation to spin into atheism vs. theism. This conversation is about finding mutual respect and developing working ground rules for your marriage.
Tell her you need these things from her. These things are fundamental to your marriage. Tell her if she cannot or will not provide these things, then, unfortunately, you will need to reconsider your marriage.
Either she is on board or she is not. If not, then you have your answer. If so, then hold her to it, even if she needs gentle reminders from time to time.
Because other people are around, maybe you should have a code word for “please remember to respect my religious views, honey.” For example, the code might be “amazing.” If she goes astray from your agreement, you respond with, “That’s amazing.” Keep saying it in response to whatever she or her dad says. After saying it a couple of times, she will remember you are speaking in code and she’ll know you need her to back off, defend you against her dad, etc.
If she agrees to the ground rules but continuously violates them, then have another serious talk and remind her what you need. See if she improves. After the second such talk, let her know that if you need to keep having this serious talk, it’s not going to work for you. Tell her if you need to have this talk one more time, you will need to reconsider the direction of your life. After the third such talk, see how she does. If it’s not seriously improved, reconsider your marriage. At the very least, separate and see if she comes around.
(Please end the hijack)
(Agree you need to take some control of the finances just in case).
ETA: Good idea to perhaps talk to her about the need to get your own place (both of you away from dad).
Since the OP wants opinions, let’s move from General Questions to IMHO.
samclem, Moderator
Perhaps, it would be best to understand your wife’s perspective and this “Christian” way of life. Even if you are an atheist, I don’t think it would hurt at all to read the Bible to go to church with Christians. You don’t have to believe in Christ, if you don’t want to do so. You may just read the Bible, because the Bible has an important impact on culture, and you may argue with your wife on theological grounds. You may ask your wife for forgiveness and tolerance that you are not Christian and you wish that your wife respect your beliefs and behaviors. Hope your marriage works out! 
Apparently, it’s what god wants you to do:
1Tim 2:12; KJV - But I suffer not a woman to teach, nor - Bible Gateway;
So you’re living with her, her father and her kid. She doesn’t work. All the money you make goes to her and she manages it. Sounds like you’re pretty fucked.
First step is to start managing the money yourself. I don’t care how much of a headache this causes. Start managing your own damn money and squirreling away whatever you can to an account she can’t touch. When you have enough to move into your own apartment have one last talk with her. Tell her that right now she isn’t the person you married. Tell her about how her religion used to barely impact you and now it’s completely taken you over. Tell her that you’re never going to convert, you’re never going to want to go along with this song and dance to impress her family and that she needs to accept that. If she can’t, then you move out.
Frankly, you should probably move out even if she says that she can accept it. People don’t really ever change.
The “People don’t really ever change,” mentality of yours requires explanation. If the OP’s wife is a good, faithful Christian, then I would assume that she could change, if she wanted to change. I think there is a biblical verse which says “But I tell you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you” (Matthew 5:44). Therefore, perhaps it is possible for the OP to love his wife and pray for her, even though she “persecutes” him by making him do “Christian” activities. Likewise, I think it would be possible for the OP to also show his wife that he does not find his wife’s behavior acceptable and that his wife’s behavior is disrespecting his own disbelief in a god and behaviors. Compassion on the wife’s part may be the key to help her understand the OP’s feelings about her attitudes against his behaviors and thoughts.
Yeah one of the biggest problems of the imposed religion is the fact that like I said she doesn’t work and I work at nights so I spend LITERALLY like every waking minute of my life with her which isn’t too much of a problem we have fun and stuff but I really feel like I need at least a little bit of time to do what I want in my leisure time instead of wasting it on something I don’t believe in. I rationalize it like this I mean everybody has a certain amount of time to do what they want aside from being at work and sleep. If you spend all your free time doing what somebody else wants it kind of leaves life with no purpose at ALL. Almost as if I made her spend time on the computer the way I love to do leaving her with no free time to do what she wants.
And I definitely agree with everybody’s financial suggestions and start managing it myself and I really have thought about doing it but like I said it may lead to some serious turbulance and at this point I’m just trying to avoid the bigger headache and waiting for the last straw to make that decision I don’t feel under pressure at all I’m an adult I know my life is mine and that I have the option to do what I want when I want But I am trying to be as responsible as possible about it because we do get along a lot. Also her dad doesn’t manipulate her or anything he’s a good guy and leaves us alone and like I said she is just very impressionable and has taken this thing on her own.
Maybe you should stop worrying about trying to prevent minor headaches, and worry about your overall happiness with the situation instead.
I’m not too worried about minor headaches it’s the major headaches I’m trying to avoid. I think the headaches I get are skewed or different from others also I consider the religion thing the smaller headache out the other options so far but I see the direction it’s heading in.
In my opinion, you need to stand up for yourself all the way around. Changing the radio or CD? Doesn’t work but handles the money? Honey, you might as well write “welcome” on your back and lie down in front of the door.
Your wife has no respect for you. I don’t know if it’s because you live with her parents, or if it’s just because you don’t stand up for yourself. You need to look around for the spine you’ve somehow misplaced and see if you can have it reinstalled. If you don’t want to go to church, don’t go. If she changes the station, change it back. You’ve got to stop letting everyone walk on you.
Yes, resentment is building up in you; it would be even stranger if it didn’t. Only you can decide if “love” is worth what you are dealing with now. You do not have much of a marriage in my view.
Start by taking charge of the finances. See where your money is going. Flat out ask her why she won’t consider getting a job.
Refuse to engage in religious discussions. If she won’t allow the subject to be changed, leave the room. Just flat out tell her you are not interested - and that she damned well knew it when she married you.
If I were you, I’d get the hell out of there. Her dad isn’t going to let her and her child starve. Set up a new checking account and have your paycheck direct deposited there, if you use direct deposit. If not, don’t give her the check. Find a cheap room by the week place and move your stuff there. You’ve got to get out from her father’s sphere of influence. Then maybe you can work things out wiyh your wife. Her religion may mean more to her than you do, and you need to face that.
Good luck to you. Let us know how things go.
A question - do you like your wife anymore? Exclusive of love, whatever that means to you, is she someone that you would choose to spend time with or are you only continuing to do so out of obligation. I tell you from experience that having no relationship is way better than having a bad one. It will be a lot easier to make friends again once you are free.
I agree with other posters who have advised you to open a new checking account and have your check deposited there. You can pay the rent directly to her father, provide her with a reasonable amount for groceries each week, and that’s it. It sounds like one of the ways she is keeping you bound to her is manipulating through weakness. Unless she is incapable of getting & holding a job, she is using your reluctance to cut her loose financially as a weapon. She can work, her father lets her and her child live with him, there is no reason you cannot take charge of your own money.
A warning, having seen one of my brothers in a similar situation - make extra sure you are using birth control. if she cannot keep you tied to her any other way, she may decide it is time to get pregnant. if you are still sleeping together at this point, double up on those condoms my lad or you may find yourself supporting her for life.