I was with my girlfriend on Saturday, and she and I were invited to go out to a bar with some of her friends that are fond of the bar scene. I’m not one who particularly enjoys drinking or the whole bar scene at all, but we didn’t have anything better to do. So we met up with them at a bar that’s just a couple blocks from her house, a place where the patrons are almost exclusively students and graduates of the university (like her and her friends). So we have dinner, and then head upstairs to the bar to have some drinks and otherwise socialize.
At one point, some friends of her friend’s girl friends or friends of some mutual friends (or something like that) show up, and try to convince us to go to some party that she can’t even tell us who will be there, where it is, or what they’ll be doing. Considering she was dressed and acting promiscuously, we declined and she headed out. However, before she does, she walks around and says goodbye to the lot of us. I thought she just wanted a hug or whatever… nope. Right in front of my girlfriend (who she knows is my girlfriend) she lays a wet one on my cheek, much to my, and my girl friends discontent.
Sure, if that was all that happened…whatever… but it got a lot… stranger. After that group left, it was just my girlfriend and me along with her friend and his girlfriend. We stayed around and have a couple rounds of drinks and talked for another hour or so before they had to go as well. When they left, there my girlfriend still had most of her beer left, and there was an untouched Cap’t and Coke; so we stayed another 10-20 minutes to finish up. We were just chatting and what not, when a girl walks up to our table, apparently to start a conversation.
Looking straight at my girlfriend she says “Hi, what’s your name?”. It seems innocent enough, though a bit odd, and so my girlfriend courteously responds, sticking with the SDMB name replacement standard, “[Blaster Mistress], who are you?”.
Of course, she couldn’t have set herself up any better for what came next out that girl’s mouth: “I’m the future mother of his children.” I sat there dumbfounded for about 10 seconds; my mouth had to have been hanging open. My girlfriend looked at me confused, partially because she was drunk, and partially because, as I found out later, it was loud enough she didn’t understand what the girl had said. After that moment of awkward silence, she continued, this time looking at me (I assume, I wasn’t willing to look at her at this point): “Well, aren’t you flattered?” Now, what am I supposed to say to this? Well, I was honest, “Of course I’m flattered…”. Yes, I’m flattered that apparently I’m desirable enough to encourage you to have the balls to approach me so boldly; but I’m just as offended that you’d have the gawl to do that in front of my girlfriend of 10 months. Of course, my girlfiend heard that exchange, and gave me that nasty look only women can give: “What? You’re flattered by her?” I looked at her awkwardly, and then there was about 30 more seconds of awkward silence before the girl threw her hands up: “Okay… whatever.” and vanished.
My girlfriend asked me what she had said, and I was honest, which of course means I had to spend the next 10 minutes calming her down to make sure she doesn’t make a stupid drunken choice. During that time, I looked around the bar for the girl who had seemingly vanished; of course, I didn’t get a good look at her, I’d only seen her gawdy earrings out of the corner of my eye. But, it wasn’t much more than a few minutes after I got my girlfriend calmed down, that I looked over and saw her shmoozing with two other guys at the bar.
So here’s a toast to bar whores: For making me feel completely awkward; for pissing off my girlfriend and making spend a long time trying to calm her down; for giving me fun stories to tell my co-workers; and for flattering me by picking me as your first attempt when all you’re trying to do is get laid.
