::gathers up cat hair and hairballs, stuffs into cannon::
Here! Try this!
Knock off the fightin’ you scurvy dogs! Ye’ll take what yer given, and ye’ll like it!
Two lashes to Quicksilver for tryin’ to start a fight.
lash
lash
Cap’n, I’ve got to go catch a plane. (no, seriously) Ye’d best assign someone else to keep the concubines in line for the time bein’.
Maybe I could have a lash or two also?
Please?
Quartermastering’s a bit slow right now, Cap’n. I volunteer to step in and discipline the conkybines fer a while!
takes a moment away from meteor showering to lash Unkempt. And Quicksilver
and Clothahump, just 'cause
I’ve been saving the litter box droppings, load them too, no man can stand the stench of an ammonia-cannonball!!
Should either side find themselves in need of a mercenary for the ensuing conflict, I am available.
YaWanna, you’re in charge of getting ammunition to everyone!
I’ll be over here lashing **Quickie ** a bit. 
GET THAT AXE HIRED!
Aye aye, Cap’n!
But I’ll be needin’ some conkybines to do the heavy liftin’. Preferably with their shirts off.
And here’s some oil to put on…step to it, boys!
If you want, you can put the oil on yourself.
Line up, me boyos!
How fares the battle?
Me Me Me!!!
::gleefully rubbing hands together::
Ooh, even better. Thankee, Cap’n!
Loaded with hairballs and cat turds…
BANG
and ewww, that was nasty!
First, a battle prayer:
mumble mumbe mumble Odin mumble mumble mumble the THUNDERS mumble mumble mumble mumble One Handed mumble mumble… HAIL AND KILL!
Let’s go!
::Swings over to Arr Matey’s ship, hacking at the masts, and slicing down Rigging::
You shall fall! RRRRAAAAGGGHHH!
the feline generated projectiles seem to be doing the trcik cap’n
ArrMatey’s crew is recoiling in horror
Boarding party! Follow the Axe! We’ll pay him with booty recovered from the other ship, arrr.
Where’s my First Mate? I be needing her soon!
:: Lights freshly oiled self on fire & swings to victim ship on a grapling rope, “sword” drawn ::
Avast!! I’m greek fire! Have at you!
BWAHAHAHAHA!
catches breath, re-reads the post
BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
Goddamn that’s the funniest thing I’ve ever read.
still laughing
Cap’n, we’re runnin’ low on ammo, but I found a bucket full o’used feminine hygeine products. Shall we load the cannons with 'em?