“In your past dating experience, how many dates, on average, did you go on before having sex? Any hints on how to beat the average”?
“Oral sex is nice, but I prefer the intimacy of face-to-face intercourse… well, with someone attractive like you I mean, not some bowwow”.
“The city fired me because it said I had had a bad attitude, and I’m gonna get even with them sonsabitches if it’s the last thing I do, and it’ll definitely be the last thing they do”
“My plea agreement with the county prosecutor requires that I disclose certain facts to you, namely that I have plead guilty to state statute #743.4, which I assure you is a relatively insignificant felony requiring minimal jail time and behavior modification treatment.”
“Hi. Glad you could make it! So, I was thinking that on our next date, we should go visit my mother…”
“How much for a BJ?”
“Let me tell you about my ex. Boy do I, I mean did I, love her. You’d like her. She’s so pretty. And smart. And sexy. I called her before I picked you up, to see if she wanted to join us, but she was busy. She’s always busy. She has tons of hobbies. We used to play mini golf and this one time…”
“My ex used to wear rubies, too. God, she was such a psychotic bitch, you wouldn’t believe what she used to do – let me tell you…”
“You know, you’d be really cute if you would cut your hair/grow your hair/wear shorter skirts…”
Then, of course, there’s the ever-popular breaking down in hysterical tears of grief as a song comes on in the restaurant/bar: “Th-th-that used to be our song…WAAAAH!”
“i think the statutory rape age should be lowered to 12, but thats just me”
“Have you found the one true religion yet? I have, and i’d like to show it to you”
“im usually not a violent person unless someone looks at me wrong, you know, maintains eye contact for too long then i lose it”
“all women are prostitutes, they are attracted to men with money and exchange their sex and love for financial security. Luckily you arent like that, you couldn’t be because im poor”
So i told the judge ‘If Noah can have sex with his kids, why can’t I’
If you lost 20 pounds you’d be somewhat pretty. too bad. maybe you shouldn’t order the steak, why not just have some water instead.
Is it true that you put out on the first date? thats what everyone else told me.
Its always been my belief that once you get a woman pregnant you are essentially done with her. Let her carry and nurture your seed, you have more important things to do with your life.
“Just so there won’t be any confusion later, I’ve always had a policy of not paying for more than half the cost of an abortion if I accidentally get a woman pregnant.”
“I find you very attractive. In fact if we don’t hit it off otherwise, I’d even be willing to pay you for sex.”
“I guess now’s a good time to confess I was secretly stalking you for several months before I got up enough nerve to ask you out.”
Would you like to borrow my razor? I couldn’t help noticing that stubble under your arm.
I make a comfortable living through subscriptions to my voyeur cam. Right now it’s strapped to my shoe looking up your skirt.
God, you’re beautiful! Just the kind of woman who will reject my sexual advances later. If you don’t mind, while I have you here in person I’m gonna jerk off under the table.
That’s a beautiful name. My friend in the fourth grade had a ferret with that name.
You know, your mom looks kind of chubby in that picture. Do other women in your family have issues with obesity? How much weight do you plan on gaining in the next ten years?
I took the liberty of making a list of all the books you’ll have to read in order for us to carry on intelligent conversation.
I know you want to have a sensitive, intelligent discussion during dinner, so first let’s use the salad course to have a frank, open exchange of views on what exactly it’ll take to make this go anywhere. Statistical likelihoods are a good place to start.