Coffee, anyone? Yeah, I made a munchies run last night, since my watchtower was getting a bit cold. I pretty much eptied the place out, and the lady looked at me funny when I told her the story about the thread.
Speaking of which…I’ve realized that a thread in this level of maturity (8 pages, 400 plus posts) is probably a very rare specimen. Therefore, since we got nothing else to do, I say that we run some tests on it and submit it to modern science. Then, if we domesticate it, we’ll also know what shots it needs. So, off I go to take some blood work.
<dons tye dye lab coat, picks up large-ass syringe, goes into thread’s room>
Sure hope that things asleep <poke>
Er…why’s it moving like that? Oh, sheyit! Ahhhhhhh!!
<Large scuffle ensues, lots of roaring and screaming and such, Jester comes out, lab coat ripped>
<pant, pant> Well, I got it! And to think, I did it all in the name of science. Oh, yes, I wouldn’t recommend going in there. It’s awake, it saw the makeup, and it’s quite pissed.
struuter, I’m gonna see who I can talk to at E! TV. Screw “Fashion Emergency”, you deserve your own show. That dopey behometh looks great! Hey, did you save those eyebrows that you tweezed? I think we can use them for fence posts somewhere.
Don’t worry about Big Boy waking up all pissy. Like Sgt. Schultz would say, “I know nothing. I see nothing.”
“Sorry, Thready, I didn’t see anyone messing with your doo or applying foundation. Hey, if you’re into that sort of thing, it’s cool with me. Go ahead, take a walk on the wlld side. But if you mess with struuter, the rest of us are gonna kick yer ass, you big lurchy @$#&!”
Wait…I’ll be right back…
jumps in WolfMobile…takes off with tires screeching…gets pack, parks right on the lawn, jumps out
Here ya go struut. Got you the big 20 oz coffee from 7-11. On the side we have some sugar packets, and real cream, too - you deserve to indulge yourself.
Jester, you truly are a marvel in our modern age of communications, because you are faster than my pathetically slow internet connection at work. I’ll just pour this 7-11 coffee down the thread’s throat and see if that cheers him up.
Right. Well, I got the blood tests back, but now we need to see what the thread’s behavioral patterns are. I went down to the attack dog school and got one of those new, big-ass padded suits. Now we just need one of the new thread-killers to “volunteer” to go in and taunt the thread to the point of attacking, so our video camera can record it.
Hey, did I just see Pink raise his hand? I thought so. Heh heh, c’mon, it won’t be THAT bad.
Whoops! Sorry about the funky thread voodoo madness, struuter. I was experimenting with new ways to do in this thread. I guess you really do need a real, live chicken for this particular ritual rather than the frozen Tyson stuff with which I was trying to make do.
All right, I’ve just ordered an entire truckload of chickens. As an added bonus to my efforts, these chickens will keep the thread well fed and thoroughly confused while I continue my experiments in creepy voodoo silliness.
Oh now, that’s just icky. LIVE chickens? Are you SURE about this? I mean, I like my chicken done right and all that, but…I don’t know how I feel about this.
Can’t we think of something else? There’s no other form of alchemy you’d be willing to try?
Um, 'scuse me guys? We’re gonna need this table for a birthday party, and since you guys have been here for, uh, 17 DAYS I thought maybe I could just bring ya’ll the check and start to clear?
Lnix, I’m just going to warn you…because I’m kind-hearted and hate the sight of human sacrifice. Somebody’s going to suggest you ask that big, well-groomed thing over there to pick up the check. Don’t listen to them. Just leave the check with me. I’ll handle it. And if you could see about relocating that birthday party, I’ll make sure you get a generous tip.
