I still don’t get it. The only word that I can see could be different is “WEARS” the soap…as in wears it down? What does that mean?
Can you please be kind and just explain it to me??
Coldfire:
I still say:
huh?
This piece of string goes into a bar, goes up to the counter, and orders a beer. the bartender looks down on it with disdain and sniffs, “Im sorry, we dont serve string here.” The string says, “Dont give me that, Ive had a hard day and I just want a beer.” Bartender: “Look, didnt you hear me? I said we dont serve string here.” String: “Im not here to cause trouble, I just want to quietly drink my beer, and then I’ll go home, okay?” Bartender: “For the last time, we dont serve string, now get out before I call the cops!”
The string goes outside, musses up its hair, twists itself all up, and goes back inside the bar and up to the counter. “I’d like a beer, please.” Bartender says suspiciously, “Arent you the same piece of string I just threw out of here?” “Nope,” says the string, “Im afraid not!”
A guy walks into a bar and notices a donkey standing in the corner. A sign over its head reads, “Make the donkey laugh - $20.” the guy goes up to the bartender and says, “What’s with the donkey?” Bartender says, “Just like the sign says - make it laugh, get twenty bucks. I warn ya, though, everybody and their mother-in-law has tried it - nobody’s done it yet.” The guy goes over to the donkey - he’s there about ten seconds and the donkey falls down laughing uncontrollably. The guy walks proudly back to the bar. The bartender gets $20 bucks out of the till and hands it to the guy, who walks out. Couple of weeks later, the same guy walks into the same bar, and the same donkey is in the same corner, still laughing. Only this time, the sign says, “Make the donkey cry - $50.” The guy goes up to the bartender and says, “What’s up?” The bartender says, “Ever since you came in here that donkey hasnt stopped laughing for one second. People have told it the saddest stories they can think of, but no use.” The guy goes over to the donkey. Again, he’s there for about ten seconds when the donkey bursts into tears, pounding its hooves on the floor in misery. The guy goes back up to the bar, and the bartender gets $50 out of the till and hands it to the guy. But before he can leave, the bartender grabs him by the sleeve and says, “Wait - I just have to know - what did you do to make it cry like that?” The guy says, “Well, two weeks ago I told the donkey that I had a bigger dick than he did. Just now, I showed him!”
Where are we going and what am I doing in this handbasket?
I AM kind, honey 
You’ve got the word “wears” right - now it’s time to see if you REALLY have a dirty mind
(Or, I could just tell you - it ruins the joke, of course…)
Coldfire
“You know how complex women are”
- Neil Peart, Rush (1993)
Thanks for the tip, Cold.
Some drink at the fountain of knowledge…others just gargle.
how can you ruin a joke I don’t UNDERSTAND???
JUST EXPLAIN IT PLEASE!!!
please
See ?
Even Moosie got it, and she is:
a) Canadian;
b) A Quebecoise or whatever;
c) DEFINATELY not a nun.
C’mon Stoi, gimme your best shot 
Coldfire
“You know how complex women are”
- Neil Peart, Rush (1993)
ALRIGHT already !!
The second nun is using the soap bar as a masturbation device.
Now it ain’t funny no more
Told you…
Coldfire
“You know how complex women are”
- Neil Peart, Rush (1993)
Don’t push your luck, Cold…
A man walks into a bar and orders a shot of 50 year old scotch. The bartender doesn’t really want to go to the basement to get the special reserve, so he gives the a shot of the rotgut in the well. The man spews it out and says “This crap’s not even a year old. I want a shot of your 50 y/o scotch!”
The bartender is impressed. He pours the man a shot of 5 y/o scotch. Again the man spews it out and says “This is 5 y/o scotch, I said I want 50 y/o scotch!”
Impressed even more the bartender tries the same thing with 10 y/o scotch, then 30 y/o scotch. The same thing both times. The man knew exactly how old the scotch was.
Finally the bartender gives up, and goes and gets his 50 y/o scotch from special reserve. The man drinks it up, and very pleased. “Finally, the delicious taste of 50 y/o scotch.”
A drunk at the bar is watching all this go on and is quite impressed. He urinates in a shot glass and hands it to the man. The man spews it out and proclaims “My God, that tastes like piss!”, to which the drunk replies “Now tell me how old I am!”
Cold:
Thank you for spelling it out. That is pretty much what I figured, but it struck me as profoundly unfunny, so i didn’t think that could be it. (No offense, of course…different strokes and all.) And I still don’t see the point of it being nuns. <shrug>
Warning… Some very very gross jokes follow.
A man pays for a blowjob at the local whore house. When the man cums, the whore uncaps a mason jar sitting in the window sill, and spits it all in there. “That’s disgusting” proclaims the man. “What’s so disgusting about it?” asks the whore. “My girlfriend in the next room and I are having a contest, whoever fills their jar first gets to drink them both!”
An oldie but a goodie…
A man goes to a whore house. Once in the room, he goes down on the whore. While he’s licking he comes across a piece of carrot. “That’s wierd” he things, but continues licking. Later on he comes across a piece of potato. “That is really strange” he thinks to himself, but continues licking. A little bit later, he comes across a little piece of meat. He’s just too grossed out by this, and yells at the whore, “Geez, lady, are you sick, or what?”, and the whore says “No, but the guy before was”.
A guy wants to ride the bus, but doesn’t have any money. The bus driver tells him that he knows a woman that will give bus fare, and tells the man to go into the house on the corner and ask for Bertha. The man does as requested, only to find out that Bertha is a 70 year old retired prostitute. The man tells Bertha “I understand you’ll give me a quarter for bus fare?” She says sure, I’ll put it in my pussy and all you have to do is lick it out. The man licks and licks until he feels something rough. He grabs it, and runs down to the bus, and drops the coin into the box, and the bus driver says, “Hey buddy, how far do you think you’re going to get on a scab?”
A guy goes into a bar and asks the bartender “What’s the most expensive drink you have?”. The bartender tells him “I have some fifty year old scotch that sells for ten dollars a shot.” The guy orders a shot and slugs it down. He then orders another and slugs that down. He orders a third and slugs that down. The bartender says “Man, why are you drinking like that?” The guy says “You’d drink like this if you had what I’ve got.” The bartender asks “What have you got?” The guy answers “Two bucks and some change.”
Bill worked in a pickle factory. He had been employed there for a number of years when he came home one day and confessed to his wife that he had a terrible compulsion. He had an urge to stick his penis into the pickle
slicer.
His wife suggested that he should see a sex therapist to talk about it, but Bill indicated that he’d be too embarrassed. He vowed to overcome the compulsion on his own.
One day a few weeks later, Bill came home
absolutely ashen. His wife could see at once that something was seriously wrong.
“What’s wrong, Bill?” she asked.
“Do you remember that I told you how I had this tremendous urge to put my penis into the pickle slicer?”
“Oh, Bill, you didn’t.”
“Yes, I did.”
“My God, Bill, what happened?”
“She and I both got fired.”
There once was a travelling saleswoman who broke down and had to go to walk to a farmer’s house for help. As in most of these travelling sales person stories, she had to spend the night with the farmer’s kid.
The boy appeared to be asleep, but to be sure, she asked “Little boy are you asleep?”, and with his eyes closed, he replied “Yes ma’am I’m alseep”.
The travelling saleswoman took of her blouse and bra, and noticed that the farmer’s kid had one eye open. She said “Little boy are you asleep?”, and with one eye open he replied “Yes ma’am, I’m asleep!”
The travelling saleswoman took her skirt and panties off, and while standing there completely naked, noticed that the farmer’s kid had his eyes wide open. “Little boy, are you asleep?” she asked, and he replied “Yes ma’am, I’m asleep!”. “Then why are your eyes open?” she asked. The farmer’s boy said, “Lady, if you had a hard-on like I’ve got, you wouldn’t have enough skin left to close your eyes either!”
The tomato family is walking down the street, and the littlest one, Cherry, keeps falling behind. Finally, having had enough, Father tomato goes back and stomps on it, saying “ketchup!”
(better visuals)
VB
“Hey! How 'bout that Toe Jam?”
What has a thousand teeth and holds back a hairy monster?
A zipper!
I guess this thread just goes to show - there are two kinds of dirty jokes: the ones that are supposed to be funny and use raunchy stuff to make you laugh, and the ones that are just supposed to test your stomach. I saw a stand-up comic who either didn’t know this difference or didn’t care; the audience would just laugh nervously in anticipation of the next puke-fest he’d throw at us. He probably thought we were tickled pink.
Okay, so I guess I owe y’all a joke, since the title of this thread isn’t “Best Complaint I’ve Dealt Out All Month”.
What do you get when you cross an elephant and a rhinoceros?
'Ell if I know.
- Boris B, Hellacious Ornithologist
My ex-best-friend told me this one.
Three total losers went to apply for world records.
The first guy applies for “Greenest teeth”
…and in a few minutes, he comes out smiling … he got it.
The second guy applies for “Least likely to ever get laid”
…and he comes out smiling …sorta’ … he got that one.
The third guy applies for “the dumbest, ugliest waste of oxygen on the planet”
…and in less than a minute, he comes out frowning and shaking his head.
…and says, “You guys ever hear of some bastard named N oR jVIaL?”
Oops. Shoots. Sorry.
Here’s another kinda-sick one:
Q: What’s the most common pick-up line in gay bars?
A: “May I push your stool in?”
Okay, here’s one for the real geeks:
Two strings walk into a bar. One of them says, “Hi, I’ll have a beer.6quägÉ^s^$q3twAe9”
The other one says, “I’m sorry, you’ll have to excuse my friend. He’s not null-terminated.”
Laugh hard; it’s a long way to the bank.