Best Marge Simpson lines...

Cafe Society
#1

Okay, I know she’s usually the “straight guy” and doesn’t get as many good zingers as Homer, but let’s give the little lady her due.

(Re: Troy McClure)
“Oh Homer! That’s just an urban legend. People don’t do that sort of thing with fish.”

(Homer knocks over a statue of a doe with his car.)
H: "D’oh!’

L: “A deer!”

M: “A female deer!”

(On seeing Ren & Stimpy during a clips episode)
M: How can you watch that same cartoon again?

B: It’s not the same Mom, it’s old footage that’s spliced in with new material to make it seem new to our impressionable young minds."

L: “Ren & Stimpy” do it all the time!

M: Yes they do, and when is the last time you heard anyone talking about “Ren & Stimpy”?

(spoken on several occasions)
“Now let us never speak of these events again!”

#2

“I don’t know, Homey. <Stupid thing Homer’s about to do anyway> doesn’t sound like a good idea to me.”

and of course, “Hmmmmmmmmmmm!”

#3

I’m a little unsure about this one, but it goes something like…

“My uncle Charlie had a saying. Shoot them all and let God sort them out. Unfortunately, one day he decided to put his theory into practice and it took 10 state patrolmen to bring him down. Now, let’s never speak of this again.”

Feel free to correct any inaccuracies.

#4

Who told you?!

#5

Funny for it’s context. Homer does something very very unique and unlikely
Marge: “Not again!”

#6

“When my family had the option to come either to Springfield or Stenchberg they chose Springfield. You know why? Because they know Jebediah Springfield is an American hero, end of story.”

#7

Upon seeing Homer’s IOU to Patty and Selma projected onto the ceiling by a lamp:

“Homer! Is this projection accurate??”

#8

Girls Lisa, boys kiss girls.

#9

“I’m not going to live in a house of evil just to save a few dollars!”

#10

When Lisa suggests God could be a woman:

“Don’t listen to her Mr. Lord! She doesn’t mean it!”

#11

“You’ve just been Marge-inalized!”

-after beating up a man who mugged her earlier in the episode

#12

Although Marge is believed to be a great cook, she doesn’t seem to know as much about cooking as you think. Looking at a spice rack in a flea market:

“Eight spices? Some must be repeats…‘Oregano…’ What the hell?”

#13

Along the same lines…

“The secret ingredient is salt!”

Also… (paraphrasing)

M: “Lisa, people will tell you you can’t change a man. I say those women are quitters. When I met your father he was lazy and now he’s a changed man.”

L: “Um… Mom”

M: “He’s a changed man.”

#14

“Who’s Disco Stu?”

#15

(taking steaming bowl from microwve)
“Kids, come get your soup while it’s still incredibly hot!”

in the same scene Homer says “Ooh, I hate that icky soup skin.”

#16

Marge gets mugged and ends up getting incredibly buffed up then enters a body building contest. Paraphrased.

Marge: Second place!! I didn’t give up my period for second place!!

#17

In “The Shinning”, when asked if Homer was going to come back and murder them all.

“We’re just going to have to wait and see. . .”

#18

To ex-con Michael Keaton:
“Oh, everybody shoots Apu. It’s only a hundred dollar fine now.”

#19

After Lisa and the rest of the Springfield Elementary band are robbed by a rival band that used glow sticks there is an exchange that goes a little something like this:

Marge: (says something about the fair)

Lisa: You mean the state unfair.

Marge: Yes, Lisa. That’s what I mean. The state unfair. :rolleyes:

Bart: Zing!
Anyone better versed in The Simpsons feel free to correct where necessary.

#20

“You can’t say ‘sex’ on the internet!”