Alternatively, start making references to “Honkeys” and “you crazy vanillas” and asking things like “man, how can you cope having some guy shove that wrinkled ugly thing into you?” or “I’ll bet you burn real easy!”
It may not achieve anything, but you’ll feel much better. And then you can point and laugh.
Well, other than me losing it and making the comment I mentioned earlier (we think you people are stupid…), I haven’t said anything. Mainly because I’ve been so surprised and also because I have such a horrid temper, I know that once I start, it might get out of hand - and I don’t want to be in a position where I must defend what I have said to her to my own boss.
I will definitely be calling her on the next term I hear or the next statement she makes that is inappropriate. I’ve been thinking about calling her into my office and sitting down next to her and explaining how her comments are inappropriate.
I jokingly said to Gundy via e-mail that I was going to wake up in the middle of the night with chopsticks burning in my yard. :eek:
Tibs.
I think your administrative assistant is a wonderful person. If you don’t like it you pussy eating dyke, find another job.
'Tis true. I think that’s why you still see folks with mullets despite all the negative media exposure the hairstyle recieves. They inhabit a completely different world, where they are part of a completely different mainstream, of sorts.
What about older (60+) people who still use the term “colored?”
I so hope for your sake that was a joke.:rolleyes:
[ot]
Didn’t see a smiley. Also found another anti-lesbian post.
Me thinks a newbie will be Pitted soon.
[/ot]
Why stop at a pitting? <clicks “Report this Post”>
Predicting BANNED may appear under that name soon.
I realize that. My point was that a barfight almost started because I heard a term I interpreted as a slur.
The woman who’s the topic of the OP is a twit.
Flypsyde said:
Flypsyde, probably you didn’t mean to stereotype rural Southerners, but your words were offensive to me. I learned to both enjoy diversity and celebrate the things that all of us have in common – all from a Southern farmer.
You’re not Tiburon’s co-worker are you? 
You know the character of your co-worker best, so I’m sure you’re right about her being a genuinely nice but misguided and ill-informed person. Your plan to talk with her about what is and is not appropriate is a good one, IMHO. There are many people in this world who think and believe differently just because it is all they have known, but this doesn’t mean they can’t be taught. I don’t think it would be fair to lash out at her because you expect her to know (without being told) what offends you. As hard as it must be for some to believe, not everyone picks up cues about proper behavior from the media. Most of us learn it from our families and friends. You should first try to be her friend.
I would suggest you don’t do this in your office, which is your territory, but in a private place away from the immediate office environment, which would be neutral territory. It would be less threatening, and she would be more likely to hear your message. I’ve often invited a co-worker or employee, “Come on, let me buy you a coke in the cafeteria.” It works.
AcidKid is right on target in saying that hostility from you when she means no offense would only shut down open communication and alienate her from you.
Congratulate yourself on your strength of character, Tib, because resolving problems with reason and compassion is much more difficult than being reactive.
Although I can see how you would be pissed, I am interested in how the topic of your sexuality came up. According to Miss Manners, it’s impolite to talk about your private business to people who aren’t extremely close, gay or straight. Or maybe your co-worker said something anti-gay and you defended it, which I guess would be perfectly acceptable. Not accusing you in any way, just curious.
tmwster, that is a wonderful suggestion. And thank you for your kind words - that was a very thoughtful thing to say and I appreciate it.
Tibs.
red_dragon60 - Honestly, I am not sure how it came up when we had the conversation. Perhaps we were discussing my girlfriend. It wouldn’t have been more out of character than talking to a man about his wife, though. I was in a serious relationship then and had pictures of my girlfriend on my desk. Also, the AA answers some of my phone calls. Basically, I spoke about my SO the same way a woman might speak of her husband. I don’t think the topic was necessarily about me being gay as much as it could have been as simple as her coming by and saying, “T called…she said to call her back at home…I just never would have guessed you were a lesbian…” - etc.
Tibs.
p.s. Truly, tmwster, your words meant a lot to me and are only going to make me strive to make that one of my bigger strengths. Thank you.
I must say, with no rancour whatsoever, I don’t understand the OP. Or, that is, I don’t understand what sort of office you work in.
I’m actually *bound by contract *to report behaviours like that to a supervisor, and can (reputedly) be held accountable if it is discovered that I fail to report breaches of office conduct like are described.
Even if I wasn’t offended personally, I cannot tell if others may be offended, or if she’s been hurting others with her comments like “niglets”.
If nearly any one of the key asshole behaviours mentioned in the OP happened in my office, the person would be either:
Even without the contract - in this day and age, people who call young black children “niglets” have no place in civilized society.
Tiburon, please don’t get me wrong. I’m not meaning to pick on you. I’m just astonished that in the sort of place where you work someone would act like she has, or openly say the sorts of things she has, that’s all.
What “sort of office” I work in? Well, I work in the kind of office that finds this sort of behavior completely off the wall. I wouldn’t define the “sort of office” I work in by this one person alone nor by my reaction to her. I am an attorney and she works in our legal office. Her behavior is an anomaly in our office.
Perhaps you missed my earlier post about how my goal isn’t to punish her - it is to stop the behavior and to eliminate some of the ignorance surrounding it. I think this can be accomplished by speaking with her - and doing so before a reprimand or a transfer. Further, I have stated that I would suggest sensitivity training. If these things can be accomplished through a conversation, then I think that is the best course of action. If they can not be accomplished that way, then further action will be taken.
I’m trying not to be overly defensive of my office which could only be described as extremely professional with one whacky co-worker who boggles our mind.
Tibs.
Nice to see that “banned” under there so quickly.
OK, as a former HR professional, I’m going to put this in big bold letters so you see it, Tiburon:
Do not talk to this woman yourself.
Here’s why:
[list=1][li]This isn’t your job, nor your responsibility. You are opening yourself up to so many problems it’s not even funny. If you say the wrong thing, or lose your temper, or even just bring the subject up, the potential reprecussions are anything from a reprimand from your superior up to and including termination and legal action. We live in an irrational world, and, having seen it happen, all I can imagine is you have this quiet little chat with her, and instead she takes umbrage and goes to HR herself, leaving you holding the bag. I’m not saying you don’t have a right to be offended (obviously this woman is a dolt), but this isn’t your job. Which brings me to…[/li]
[li]This is what Human Resources is for. They are trained to handle such situations - and you are not. There is a reason HR is there, and this is exactly it. They are designed to protect you, her, and the company from any and all fall-out. Are all HR departments great? Of course not. Do some of them sometimes do the wrong thing? Yes. But that is irrelevant - it is your responsibility, as an employee of the company, to follow company procedures, and I can’t imagine a company that doesn’t instruct its employees to refer all interpersonal problems to - you guessed it - the Human Resources Department.[/li]
[li]First, though, start with your supervisor. It is also their job to help diffuse interpersonal conflicts. If they feel it necessary, they will get HR to assist them. Perhaps they’ll handle it themselves. Either way, it’s not your place to talk to this woman. Follow your company’s procedures, or I’ll make a bet that this can only end in tears (for you and for her).[/li]
[li]You seem to think this woman is going to lose her job or be reprimanded, but I highly doubt it. If, as you say, she’d be the first person to sign up for a sensitivity training course if she knew she was being offensive, then all the better - but my point is, let HR handle it. In fact, I think you would do this woman a service to approach HR with exactly the attitude you have here - she’s a nice person, she obviously doesn’t mean any harm, you are not personally offended to the point of quitting your job over what she’s said, but you understand that she doesn’t understand how insensitive she’s being. That’s it. Then step away.[/li]
[li]If HR or your supervisor falls down on the job, that doesn’t mean you have to let them. Pursue it. Get timelines and expect people to meet them. If one person doesn’t give you a solution, talk to another person, or, better yet, their supervisor. The higher you get, the more likely there will be action taken, and for the better.[/li]
[li]Sadly, some HR departments run on the parent principle - “I don’t care who’s right or wrong, I just want you to stop fighting.” If you work for a company like this, then yes, you may even run a certain risk by raising the issue in the first place. I acknowledge that. But I will still steadfastly say that this isn’t your job, it’s HR’s, and it is your responsibility to let them handle it.[/li]
[li]If, in the end, by pursuing this with both your supervisor and HR and still nothing is done (or, worse, you end up worse off than you started), consider that perhaps that a company that allows an employee to continue to act in an offensive way in the workplace isn’t a company you want to work for.[/list=1][/li]
If this were a purely social situation, of course I’d say tell her to her face. And there’s even a case to be made that a quiet word in the corner might be appropriate if it were just one offense or the first offense. But if you’re not the only one who has noticed it, and your coworkers are encouraging you to speak for them, then it’s clear to me this situation has gone far beyond that, and it is time to let HR in on it. Check your employee handbook, and I guarantee you a situation like this is spelled out pretty clearly, and I highly, highly recommend you follow the advice therein.
Please, let them do their job, and don’t expose yourself to more problems than you already have.
Just my two cents - take it or leave it.
Esprix
I still say…get a tape