You still haven’t told us what country you’re in or what cultures these people are. And second, does your friend even care that her boyfriend does this? If it doesn’t bother her, and it doesn’t bother him, then it sounds like there’s no problem here, despite what pathology all these internet psychologists want to diagnose him with from 1,000 miles away.
And “insecurity in the streets”? Are you Syrian?
Well, that changes things. He still isn’t acting right, but it sounds like he has a reason to be insecure and jealous. Yeah, your girlfriend going off and getting drunk and almost having sex with someone WILL make a big dent in your relationship!
I would be all manner of pissed off if a guy I was dating even IMPLIED my male friends would “physically force” me to do something. He’s basically telling her that her friends are rapists? Oh HELL no.
I guess there’s only insecurity in the streets when she’s going to visit with male friends, huh? It’s all kittens and butterflies out there if she’s only going to see her girlfriends?
Some people (both male and female) do not believe there can be friendship and nothing but friendship between people who are opposite sex. I do not agree with this point of view.
Your friend’s boyfriend sounds as if he is either very insecure or very controlling. Neither are good for a long term relationship. And there is not really anything you can do to help other than be there for her when it all comes tumbling down. Some women LIKE this kind of behavior in a guy - it makes them feel treasured and loved. These women are usually young and don’t see the control behind the “love”.
My SO has trust issues. (He’s learning–don’t tell me to dump him yet!) Not because he’s a dog, either, but because he has so little relationship experience that most of his knowledge is secondhand, and he’s been taught that men will–WILL–try to sleep with your girlfriend, regardless. It doesn’t necessarily mean the OP’s friend’s SO is going to be abusive, although, yes, perhaps a red flag. For her part, she is enabling his inappropriate behavior by allowing him to control HER behavior, and that’s the real red flag to me.
When any hint of this kind of issue arises with my SO, I have to react quickly and without any equivocation–You don’t trust other men? That’s your issue, not mine. I’m happy to reassure you if you feel worried (to a reasonable degree), but I’m not changing MY behavior to accomodate YOUR insecurities.
Luckily he’s pretty insightful for a guy with his background, and he’s willing to accept it when I say, no, that’s not rational or healthy and I’m not having it in my relationship. In other words, he gets it–perhaps the SO in this case doesn’t, or the girlfriend doesn’t have the spine to buck him.
Not necessarily. I’ve never cheated on any wife or girlfriend but for a while after my first divorce I was paranoid about being cheated on because I had so badly misread my wife’s character. (She had cheated on me many times.) Took a long while to get over that.
I’m from the north of Mexico, where all the drug related shit is going on, but that doesn’t men we shouldn’t let out sister go out and have fun with her friends, for example.
We usually hang out in populated places like malls, so it’s not like a rapist is going to pop out from there.
Besides, what can a skinny guy can do against 3 heavily armored guys who want to steal our shit?
And no, she doesn’t seem to mind, she just thinks it’s fear from him to lose her.
Protector & Femme Fatale, isn’t a healthy dynamic, and cannot go the distance as a relationship. Even though they both groove on it and are part of what’s wrong, (him for not trusting her, (no matter how he frames it, that’s what it comes down to!), her for allowing herself to be smothered and controlled, it’s still not a normal, healthy man and woman, as partners, relationship.
And just like when you shift your, ‘partner’, relationship to ‘parent-child’, you’re doomed, you can’t come back from there.
Well I think it’s a little difficult to shift conventional attitudes on people living in Northern Mexico right now. Maybe it’s actually a healthy relationship for those circumstances if it’s based on coping with actual dangerous situations. But not if it’s based on distrust of the parties. If the guy is distrusting all the girl’s male freinds, he’s not really doing all he can to protect her if that’s his motivation. That just leaves her with less people to look out for her. So that doesn’t sound quite right. It does sound like distrust, and maybe she does give indications she may be unreliable. These people just need to grow up and talk honestly with themselves, and others for this to succeed as a relationship. It sound more like immaturity than deep seated psychological problems.
Thanks for expressing this in this way. It’s one of those things that just came out right, and clicked on a little light bulb somewhere in the depths of my brain. I think I can deal with some of my own issues by considering what I’m responding to. Seems like a simple concept, but sometimes the circumstances have to be just right to apply the connection in a useful way 
If it were acceptable in that culture, why would the OP be having a problem with it?
Exactly, I don’t think this is normal, because she explicitly said that the boyfriend doesn’t trust us, friends who have known her long before him.
I’m speaking of the diagnoses of the cause there. There may be problematic behavior there, but the underlying cause may be something more reasonable in the circumstances. So the the guy’s concerns may not be paranoid rantings, just a real situation that many people might have a hard time dealing with. And in that case, he could have an easier time adjusting.
Also, in perspective, perhaps the behavior isn’t as unusual or alarming as it might seem in other circumstances.
Glad something I said clicked for you (although I can’t take credit for saying anything profound).
I know the phrase paradigm shift has become a cliche. But it’s real. Sometimes you have all the information but then something minor changes the way you view that information and you’re suddenly able to use it in ways you couldn’t before.
Hmmm, ‘phrase paradigm shift’, I’ve always thought of it as a ‘moment of clarity’, myself.
I think it’s a different concept. A moment of clarity is when you suddenly realize something. A paradigm shift is when you have a sudden change in the way you see things in general. So a paradigm shift is both ongoing and broader than a moment of clarity.
I don’t think it’s an issue of whether or not you have been friends for a long time, and may all of a sudden turn and rend her as a wild pack of jackals.
I think it has to do with the ol’ you-know-what. And, guys who have been friends for a long time often change their feelings. Of course, the fact that he goes along does show that he has a screw loose. If he’s going to be bossy, he should tell her to not go see you all, or else, bon voyage!
Interesting. I always saw a paradigm shift as more the sort of experience you get when you travel - you see your world, and everything in it, through new eyes. You can almost feel it shifting, like sand beneath your feet.
Whereas I’ve always seen a moment of clarity as, you’ve heard the same thing said a dozen different ways, and then, one day, it strikes you differently, you understand, what you’ve heard a dozen times, with new clarity and depth. Not because it was said any differently necessarily, but because you’re open to it, in a new way.
Anyway, they are clearly somewhat related. Thanks for the input, you’ve given me something to think about. (Once, I implored, all the Gods that ever were, to grant me clarity, in a moment of extreme difficulty. It was my only prayer, the only thing I thought could save me from making a terrible mistake. My wish was granted. I made the right choice, but I suddenly knew what the phrase, ‘careful what you wish for’, meant in a whole new way!)
Sorry for the hijack OP.
Are you certain she’s telling you the whole truth? Does he seem that possessive when you see him out and about, or is it just that she says he’s this way? Because with all the guys I’ve known who were dangerously possessive it’s been obvious to absolutely everyone around them.
Oh, and it’s always got worse, IME, when there’s a truly possessive partner; there probably are cases where the possessive partner can get over it but I’ve never actually seen that happen. Either they break up or you eventually see the cowed partner scuttling around the supermarket, jumping at every sudden movement, avoiding everyone’s eyes and wearing bruise-disguising make-up. And that’s the only time you see them.
But I have also known a couple of young women who kinda liked thinking that their BF was terribly possessive and it wasn’t actually true.
Just having trust issues isn’t the same, FTR. If your partner has trust issues and is trying to overcome them, and their method is not “I must be there every time you see someone of the opposite sex,” then that’s not a red flag.
I’m in general agreement with others that this isn’t very good, and this kind of behaviour on the part of the boyfriend isn’t healthy. Whether or not he has been cheated on, escorting his current non-cheating girlfriend around so it will never happen again is ridiculous. Furthermore the girlfriend treating this like it’s perfectly reasonable, or even acceptable, suggests that you’re not going to be able to reason her out of the situation she is in.
Ultimately it’s her relationship, only she can decide what is right for her, and it’s not down to you to fix it for her. You can only manage yourself in this, so the question you need to ask is are you willing to hang out with someone if it involves having this woman’s boyfriend as an escort, particularly if you don’t really like him or he makes little effort to interact with you? Can you sustain a friendship with someone who has such a partner?
You don’t need to decide to cut her out of your life or anything, but you could make clear your reservations about his behaviour and say that you don’t particularly want to have him at every meeting you have with her if he’s not going to be sociable; how she responds to that is down to her. If she’s as irrational about this as she sounds then she’ll “choose her man” over you, sadly.
To start by playing devil’s advocate: I think he’s probably right not to trust his girlfriend’s male friends.
For any reasonably attractive woman I’d estimate at least a third of her close male friends have feelings somewhat different to pure friendship. And I’m not criticizing men: switch the genders, and as long as we’re talking close friends, I think the proportions would be similar.
But he should trust his girlfriend. And if he can’t do that then he should at least keep quiet and let her live her life.