I don’t follow you here.
Absolutely. I was just giving my perspective from my life.
I’m intrigued by this idea that adults are never allowed to feel resentment and certainly not to harmlessly express same is a “safe” environment. You should be grateful your own life is free from such gnawing character defects, though. That’s a precious gift indeed.
Nowhere in the OP did I read that the girl was made to feel unwelcome. Moreover, why are you assuming she cares so much about her mother’s illness? Being someone’s child doesn’t automatically mean you love and care about them, any more than being a parent means you love and care about your child.
Even if everything you said was true, it’s still not her fault then, is it. . . to be surrounded by people who don’t instruct her?
The responsibility still falls back on those people who give poor or inconsistent instructions.
I’m the last one to say anything (useful) about this because I haven’t been on either side of this, so take this with a brick of salt, but I think it’s pretty inconsistent to allow someone to run away from consequences by going from one house to the next. . . on Christmas or any other day.
I’m not saying that DB isn’t allowed to feel resentful. Just that the kid is probably aware of this resentment. If she’s feeling this pissy towards the girl, I’m sure she’s picking up on it and probably doesn’t feel all that good about being there.
As for her mom’s illness…yeah, I have no idea either way. Most people I know generally aren’t happy when their parents get cancer. Sure, she could be thrilled. I’d err on the side of caution, though.
According to your post, we haven’t been step-children and have no idea what it’s like. Except that those of us who have been, lived in some fantasy family so we don’t know what it’s like. Make up your mind.
As are the rest of us. Some of us remember being sixteen quite clearly and also remember the many conversations we had (or overheard) with our similarly-aged fellows. It will take quite a lot of solid data to convince me that sixteen-year olds are starry-eyed innocents who should be excused all mis-behaviour until such time as they magically become adults and good members of the community.
I agree with you. I didn’t mean to imply that the father was in the clear here and, really, Dung Beetle is in a very difficult situation. However, her first responsibility is to her own family. Yes, any guest should be treated with consideration but an uninvited and ungrateful guest is pushing the limits of hospitality and at the expense of her own family.
My own feeling is that her father should stop letting her run away to his house every time she fights with her mother.
But generally they are shitty employees, drivers and parents. Why expect them to be good social animals? Also, contrary to your statement, I often find them quite stupid.
There’s a couple of whiny immature kids in the OP, but only one of them has the possible excuse of being a sixteen-year-old from a broken home.
Grow up, for fuck’s sake.
Jeez, would it help if I mentioned I was from a broken home, too?
They may tend to be all those things because no one will correct their shitty behaviour. There are teenagers who are good employees and drivers (I don’t know any 16-year old parents anymore) but they were also taught, from an early age, about being responsible.
I find many people, of all ages, to be stupid. However, that doesn’t mean 16-year olds are so dumb as to not know how to cause a lot of strife.
What I wonder is how different that is to her typical Christmas. As you said, it is the traditions your kids and you follow.
I remember back to holidays when I was young, and I hated going to Dad’s and my step-mother’s house. Not because I was made unwelcome, but because it just wasn’t Christmas to me. I always felt like an outsider there, and there weren’t even any other kids involved (she had older kids). All I wanted at the holidays was for things to be as Christmassy as possible - and Christmas was defined to me by my traditions. The last thing I wanted was to sit somewhere where everything felt different, and where I was on edge the whole time.
I’m not justifying her behavior, and 16 is old enough to learn to suck it up and smile. But sucking it up and smiling isn’t a very nice Christmas. I know, I had enough of them.
Probably not. There is apparently a belief in this crazy modern world that teenagers (including those who steal the car of their sick mother) at some point enter a chrysalis and emerge as adult with good social behaviour. You should, by now, have undergone this metamorphosis and are now a perfect being with no right, or even ability, to feel frustrated, resentful, or in any way put-upon.
That isn’t what I said at all. I was just pointing out that it’s very tough to be in a broken home although there are exceptions.
It’s clear that this step-kid is far from perfect but she should be allowed to opt out and Dad isn’t letting her do so. I feel for her. All she wants, in this situation, is to be left the fuck alone. If she was attending of her own free will and being a shit about it I would be totally behind the OP. Just leave her alone.
Heh, maybe. 
But you are one of the adults involved here and although it’s a shitty situation to be in, you’ll cope. In any case I hope you all have a great day tomorrow. Best wishes, and a Merry Christmas to you, hubby and spoiled brat. (Mind you, I can see the zebra-striped jammies with attached feet raising an eyebrow initially but secretly being used on a cold night. I’d prepare yourself for this!)
She put herself in that situation by stealing her mother’s car and driving it to this supposed uncomfortable place.
She is there of her own free will. She stole a car to be there of her own free will. She is both uninvited and ungrateful and you seem to want the OP to pat her l’il head and coddle to her at the expense of the OPs own children.
It might be hopeless, but I’d try to get her involved in the cooking or something like that. And do so by giving her power of choice. Let her pick the appetizers, for example.
Possibly that might be why I mentioned I was not excusing her behavior. You might have read it. You quoted it. From my reading of the OP, it was a rant about the kids behavior regarding Xmas. The car incident did not seem particularly central, and had the kid been sweetness and light regarding the gift giving, etc, I don’t think it would have been mentioned.
All I was saying is that making the effort to include a step child in the “new” traditions might not be received quite as wonderfully as the way it was meant. It was very kind of the OP to try to include this apparently somewhat difficult 16 year old. But I was trying to say that it might not be perceived that way, in particular by a somewhat difficult teen.
All true. So why can’t she just stew in her room quietly for a few hours?
I guess because all proper adults put on a shit eating grin and do whatever everyone else wants. You’re a better man for all those forced Christmas mornings, right?