A neutrino walks into a bar.
Quitting smoking is the easiest thing in the world.
I should know, I’ve done it a thousand times.
“Hey, Cosmo, do me a favor and call me a cab!”
Ok, you’re a cab!
Sorry Charlie, Starkist doesn’t want tunas with good taste…
Starkist wants tuna that tastes good!
I’d give my right arm …
. . . to be ambidextrous.
Side note: “We don’t serve faster than light neutrinos in this establishment. A neutrino walks into a bar.” It took me a minute to get this one, but I love it.
Continuing on:
I bought a seven-dollar pen because I always lose pens . . .
From post #11…
A woman drove me to drink . . .
And I never thought to thank her. W.C. Fields
The bartender said, “Sorry, we don’t serve time-travelers here.”
and I was tired of not caring.
I bought a house at the end of a one-way, dead-end street…
I don’t know how I got there.
A married man should forget his mistakes…
But his wife won’t let him.
“The covers of this book”…
are too far apart.
I bought some powdered water…
Time traveler said, “I know you just made that up. I’m you from the future.”
No snowflake in an avalanche…
nm
But I didn’t know what to add to it.
Don’t confuse me with the facts…
I’ve got a closed mind.
I was the best man at a wedding. If I’m the best man…
(I apologize… I made that up. That was a juvenile thing to do. Sorry, I’ll redo it.)
Time traveler walked in to a bar.
No snowflake in an avalanche…
Thinks it is to blame.
Immortality is a long shot, but…
Would you hold it against me?
Your lips are like roses. Full of thorns. Your eyes are like pools. Cesspools. Your nose is like a basketball…
… always dribbling. [ETA: …and your teeth are like stars: They come out at night.]
If all the virgins in the world were laid end to end . . . [Note: Not the same as #9 and #10.]
They wouldn’t be.
(guys, try to stick to the first part in the previous post, and add a new first part yourself. I’m looking at you Arnold and Britt)
Did you hear about the farmer that got dumped by his girlfriend?