ADMIT IT! CONFESS!
You’re really…THIS!!
Just for the record…here’s me.
Or so the Ladies tell me. 
What the hell?My words are becoming invisible!!!
It should read
And Monica too!
I’m sure this is the only place I could post this without the mods hauling me away
Damn hamsters.Somebody feed them proper food.They’re starting to eat bits of my posts…
I have told countless lies and omitted much about who I am, but to atone I will set the record straight. I will make copious use of my photographs from my past and I hope that if any Dopers are among the images I’m sharing, you will understand this is in the cause of a greater good.
I have very few memories of my, save that my mother was always to the forefront but my father was distant [.biological parents]picture. When they abandoned me to devote full time to their sock puppet ministry I was sent to live with a foster family, and though I am always smiling in childhood photos on the inside I was a complete mental case due to my inner child’s chronic need for nurturing. All through my college days (I’m seventh from left, 8th row) I was searching, and by the time I was in my twenties I was a miserable corporate drone by day but at night changed clothes and sought shelter from the inner demons who haunted him in the arms of any
man who would hold me tight (my apologies to any of my exes whose pics appear here, but this is in the service of helping others).
Finally, with the help of a wonderfully insightful therapist who agreed to see me each weekday at noon for five years, I realized my problem: all of my life I had been a straight black woman trapped inside the body of a portly white homosexual man.
I had a series of 230 surgeries. The first ones didn’t work so well: there were hormone problems, getting accustomed to cosmetics , and I learned my lesson about using the SAM’S CLUB GENDER REASSIGNMENT PROGRAM to save money due to the gynecological problems that ensued, but at last I was a beautiful and straight Nubian princess.
Imagine my surprise when I learned that it’s hard to be a straight woman when you’re living in the age of Bush. And gradually things changed, I got laid off, the hormones stopped working, the melanin receded and soon I was back to me . But that was alright, for I’d found true love who accepts me as I am.
So you too can find happiness as long as you hang in there and remember to keep your eyes on the light at the end of the tunnel.
Sampiro, that is friggin’ brilliant.
Or to use a more apt phrase “roflmao.”
BAH!!! With apologies to my lovely sons,
HERE THEY ARE
Okay, so I’m not Harborwolf’s sister. Nor am I, as stated, a 25 year old woman from Northern Michigan. Technically speaking, I’m not even really alive. I died several years ago in an accident at the workplace; fortunately for me, I’ve been replaced with a hologram.
My deepest, most sincere apologies for the deception. I understand that some of you may feel uncomfortable calling me look!ninjas. If you wish, you may use the nickname that my school chums gave me - Ace.
Sorry, this is off topic but could someone explain to me how you are including those great images?
Not only am I the lover and sexual partner of the previous doper,I have to confess. I am your brother. I knew I had to tell you sooner or later but I was scared. Such things are not tolerated in Michigan. We shall have to move to Mississippi
What Anaamika said
Oh, I forgot.
I’m really Jabba The Hut.
I guess it’s time for my confession as well, This is really not me.
Dude, that isn’t anybody. 
Dang, I really thought I had it.
We haven’t been introduced.
Ima pirate.
So’s my ferret.
When I first came on the board I made myself out to be older than I really was only by a year or so until I saw that it wasn’t neccesscary.
Sorry y’all. I’m not actually a middle-aged wannabe archer.
I’m really a foxy young gal.
Come clean: Who are you really?
I could tell you, but then I’d have to kill you. 
Is that you, Bonehead?
(Mr. Gazpacho?)