Dont know any myself but I was wondering if anyone else here could shoot some out for me. Just some quality comeback lines you could use or have used on messege boards or just in daily life.
Well anyway…thanks in return.
one of the things i hate is when i get the line “comeon baby dont you like chocolate??” to which i reply… “yeah, Alpine white with nuts” Please dont get me wrong but that kind of behavior is completely out of line for any race, creed or color…
whatever
“Save your breath. You’ll need it to blow up your date”
Upon hearing the mild interjection, “Oh, shoot!”
“Bang!”
In response to the (thankfully rare) jibe from a mad Creationist: “I suppose you think you are descended from monkeys?”
“And I wish your descendents the same good fortune.”
In response to someone sticking out their tongue:
“No, thanks. I use toilet paper.”
To my well-endowed sister: “Oh, yeah? Well, I don’t NEED tits. I have a PERSONALITY.”
Who me, bitter?
“I know you are but what am I?”
“You ever notice shit on your Q-Tips?”
I don’t like to waste my wit on comeback lines. I borrow comedy from UCB.
“Oh yeah, will you’ve handled my ass pennies!”
Ass Pennies = Instant Confidence
You’re one load your mom should have swallowed…
Dummy! Of course its better when you can say it like Fred Sanford.
“How’d ya get so fat ?”
“'cause every time I f’cked your mother, she baked me a cake !”
“Did your mother and father just HAPPEN to be brother and sister, by any chance?”
How you doin?
I’m so happy I gotta sit on my hands to keep from clapping!
How you doin?
If I were any better, I’d need a twin! (or “I’d need to clone myself”)
How you doin?
Well, my wife left me, my back’s been hurting, my job’s a pain, I don’t get paid enough… but you know me, I can’t complain!
(Waitress) You ready to order dessert?
Just looking at you is dessert enough for me!
(girlfriend) Do I look good in this outfit?
Baby, you get better looking everytime I see you, and today you look like tomorrow.
“I can’t believe, that out of millions of sperm, you were the quickest.”
“No, your ass makes your ass look fat.”
Spread it on thin…it’s a big farm
“I hope your mother runs out from under the porch and bites you!”
Or, on being acosted in a bar:
(Look the acoster up and down a few times, then shake head and say, regretfully): “I’m sorry, but you just won’t do.”
On approaching a potential date, and being rejected with, “In your dreams!”
“Uh, no. In my dreams, you’d be thinner.”
Harsh, but effective.
[Costanza]
Oh yeah, well the jerk store called and they’re out of YOU!**
[/Costanza]**
[sub](I slept with your wife)[/sub]
Those were great guys…got anymore?