Superman - An exploration of Nietzche’s philosophies.
Jaws - A day in the life of a dentist.
Star Wars - What happens when the Oscars get hostile.
Casablanca - The story of a house in Spain. A house which happens to be white.
Little Red Riding Hood – A communist dwarf gets instructions in drive-by tactics
Twister – Biopic of Chubby Checker
The Nun’s Story – Remake of March of the Penguins
Billy Jack – A cop’s nightstick gets stolen
The Spirit of St. Louis – The rise and fall of Anheuser Busch
Total Recall
A fictional future where software giant MicroSlothe is about to release their latest product. The hero, genius independent programmer Edward Obama Lindstrume, discovers that the latest operating system will become sentient and have a bad attitude to boot. His nerdy but addorable side kick Andrea Reba Feneris comes along for the ride. Avoiding the murderous intentions of the corporate thugs, they manage to convince the authorities to stop the distribution. All copies are accounted for, except one, stolen by a Wilford Brimely look a like who has taken a new job as the South Pole Research Station IT guy…cue ominous duhh dump duhh music…
To kill a Mockingbird:
Charlton Heston gathers plaudits for his moving interpretation of Atticus ‘Shoot that’ Finch in a story of guns, ammo and our feathered friends.
Who will ever forget the moving moment in the courthouse as Atticus walks by and the preacher says “Stand up Miss Jean-Louise! Otherwise your father will pepper us with birdshot!”
Tell Me That You Love Me, Junie Moon–Tale of a stalker
Happy Birthday, Wanda June–A child has a surprise birthday party.
Dirty Dozen–A gang of adolescent boys go camping and do not clean up.
Stand By Me–Biopic of Benny King
The Rose–Biopic of the Kennedy matriarch.
Private Benjamin–Biopic of Ben Franklin’s sex life, which was very active.
An Officer & A Gentlemen–Rhett Butler & Ashley Wilkes exchange words.
Wow. That sounds like the plot to Antitrust, only better.
Time After Time–Tale of a magazine subscription gone crazy (or biopick of Cyndi Lauper)
A Moment in Time–Documentary of “People of the Year”
The Boys From Brazil–Those wacky tango dancers.
Rosemary’s Baby–Using herbs to increase your fertility
The French Connection – porn & sex toys
Roman Holiday – porn, orgies & toga parties
Is Paris Burning? – porn, snuff film
The Wild Bunch – porn, bestiality (or carrots)
Inside Daisy Clover – porn & gardening
Last Tango in Paris–Prequel to Casablanca, highlighting Rick & Ilsa’s romance.
The Graduate–A young man enters the plastics industry after college, getting in on the ground floor.
The Godfather–Story of a baby’s birth and christening.
The Godfather, Part 2 et.al.–That baby’s parents breed like rabbits.
Guys and Dolls: Kiddie pic about little boys who play with action figures.
Tootsie: Documentary about a candy maker.
Independence Day: The story of how an American family celebrates the Fourth of July.
A Mighty Wind: Disaster pic about a tornado.
Driving Miss Daisy–Porn and golf. Lots of girl-on-gilr action
King Kong–Hot monkey sex
Ice Age
A cranky senior, formerly a famous rapper, learns to get along with others after being forced into an old folks home. Eventually a mysterious stranger teaches them the game of “kick the can”, giving them all a second chance. Don’t miss the antics of the facilities pesky squirrel! A tale to melt even the hardest heart. PG-13 for content. XXX for nudity and language.
God Zilla
Frustrated by his futile attempts at herding the flock so far, God finally decides to try using a website/internet search engine instead to spread the word. Staring George Burns as God of course, with John Denver playing the incredulous web master.
Little Big Man–Story of Toulouse-Lautrec
Papillion–French documentary about butterflies.
Kramer vs. Kramer–When Babs dies, a court battle ensues over her estate between her sons, Cosmos & Carl.
Aliens
A land rich but money poor rancher living on the mexican border finally decides to do something about illegal immigration. Staring Clint Eastwood.
Nitpick to an awesome post: Cosmo.
Thank you. I was thinking of Carl Sagan and his book, hence the mistake.
what the hell…I can’t resist…
Cosmo(s)
A PBS educational series where a nerdy female astronomer takes the viewers through billions and billions of dubious survey’s in search for the perfect man in the universe. Cheesy special effects, no real resolution, and lots of ads as well as questionable recipes and unworkable household hints.
Wizard of Oz–The awesome of the Muppets and creator Frank Oz.