He’s not much of a superhero, though – everybody beats him, especially around here…
<<8 Ball - Can generate a random response to any question, provided the query is in the form of a yes/no question. Has a drug problem.>>
This was done in the Marvel B-Sides (did that last beyond the first issue?). Her name was Fateball.
And I love The MacDairmuid’s Collator. best. but “Collator”, is mutants name one other people several submitted the the this with
I submit Little Emily - who’s whining is so high-pitched that only dogs can hear her.
Oh, no! Look at that sentence! All the words appear to be out of order!
If only Collator were here!
Trebekman: If you tell him anything, he instantly comes up with a question you have just answered. To wit - “He’s going use that device to turn everyone into mutants!” “What is ‘Magneto’s evil plan?’”
Captain Diuretic: Able to make anyone very suddenly have to do #1.
The Bisonator: Has the ability to whip anyone’s butt at Street Fighter. But only if he’s using M. Bison.
Lady Abilene: A mere thought from her can make ALL of your bedding feel just like the nice, cool other side of the pillow!*
Lord Shoeburyness: Abilene’s twin brother. Can raise the temperature of any seat so that it feels like it’s been recently warmed by someone else’s bottom. Uses his powers to disrupt the monthly meetings at the Legion Clubhouse by making everyone too uncomfortable to keep sitting down.*
The Phantom Slasher: Able to imagine and create convoluted justifications for pairings between any same-sex characters/creatures from fictional works, no matter how repugnant and/or outlandish and/or canonically contradicting they are.
Kid Yaoi: The Phantom Slasher’s non-mutant sidekick. Provides support to the Slasher by rabidly insisting that the pairings are in fact officially intended by the creative forces behind the fictional works. “Ignorant buttmuncher! Leon Kennedy and Mr. X are so TOTALLY hot for each other! Get 'em, Slash!”
*Inspired by Douglas Adams’ Meaning of Liff.
Which would make him a LEGIONNAIRE and a DC CHARACTER, damn me. I guess he and Abilene are Hellfire Club candidates or something.
That would be Tetsuo, the Iron Man.
Or Colossus, I guess.
The Ascender. He can fly – but only butt-first.
Mister Transcendental: By folding his legs in the Lotus position, he can levitate – but only when no skeptics are looking at him.
The Pope: People within 100 yards of him find it impossible to have sex.
X-Foliator: Sheds a fine mist of dried, dead skin cells at will. Friend to dust mites everywhere.
I’ll bet Marvel Comics has already taken out a Trademark on the name X-Foliator.
Dork Phoenix!: Mutant endurance allows his MUMBLEMPFFF koff! koff! to rise again and again and again…
I think it might be interesting if Marvel did a series of humorous one-shots about mutant teams or groups that are not in the superheroing business. Like a beauty salon run by mutants (X-Foliator would be an employee), or a country and western bar, or mutant iron chefs…
And I strongly suspect I’m the only person who would find this neat.
Mutant Auto Repair
CHIEF MECHANIC: “Hey, Scott, couldja look at the timing chain on the '94 Buick?”
SCOTT: “Sure thing, boss.”
<<<<< BLAM!!! >>>>>
CHIEF MECHANIC: “Damn it, Summers! That’s the second one this week!”
SCOTT: “But I can’t look at it very well without taking my sunglasses off!”
Cute! 
Stan Lee Presents: WHAT IF… The X-Men Had to Find Real Employment?
Mutants could come in real handy for a department store’s Customer Service department:
CUSTOMER: “This VCR won’t record.”
WOLVERINE: SNIKT “You got a problem with that?”
Banshee would, of course, simply go into pop music, where high-pitched shrieking is the order of the day. 
I think the sound is more like: SHINK
I think I’d really dig it.
Tsk tsk tsk, obviously not a comics reader.
Throughout Wolverine’s history in Marvel comics, the sound effect that accompanied the extension of his claws was “SNIKT.” (Just like how the sound effect that accompanied Nightcrawler’s teleporting was always “BAMF”.)