This is my mother. I always wondered how she does it (It’s not like I call her up to tell her what time I set my alarm for.), and here it turns out it was a super power.
Andy, I think I love you.
Flatulatus - able to stop hearts with a single fart.
Vlad the Impala - able to morph instantaneously into a blood-sucking antelope, but is unfortunately terrified of anything that moves and prances away at rapid speed
And the triplets…
Bi-ronic Man - Has the strength of a machine, but only when picking up men at orgies
B-ironic Man - Can expound with the strength of a machine on the ironies of B vitamins
Byronic Man - Can recite at will any of the early nineteenth century romantic poems, with the strength of a machine.
Debugger - Ability to spot syntax errors (and just syntax errors) at nearly the speed of light.
Lurker - Ignored, unnoticed, unheeded until the Lurker suddenly unlurks and produces a post of such prose and well-augmented arugments that everyone stand dazzled!
The Living Complier - Ability to analyse source code within a quick period of time and predict the output accurately!
The Obusfcator - Make any sentence virtually unreadable.
Lagmare - His presence causes all network in a 1 km sphere around him to lag.
Photocopier - Gifted with the ability to create illusions, but only in black and white
Letter Man - Can take any letter that happens to be on his varsity sweater that day, and use it to change objects into other things by respelling their names! Arch enemy: The Spell Binder.
No, wait … that’s already been done.
The Auditor - Can cause mega-corporations to implode with just his trusty adding machine.
The Cuisinarte - He slices, he dices…
And my favorite from the TICK
Multiple Santa!
AH!!! I spot plagiarism, right there!
And I happen to know because I was standing next to the originator of this pun when he made it up. We then told someone else, who put it on Spinnwebbe as a caption, and I can only assume that this is where you have got it from!
Damn. The speed these things spread across the internet.
You sure Vlad wasn’t a Chevrolet Impala?
And works against dumb fighters who think the Gazebo is a monster… http://www.opentechsupport.net/forums/archive/topic/3132.html
Spud Eye - She can telepathically see through the eyes of any uncooked potatos within 500 feet of her. Unfortunately, she mostly gets telepathic images of root cellars, backyard gardens, and the undersides of kitchen sinks.
The Sedimentary Scourge - Can transform into a living being composed of any sedimentary rock…only very slowly over the course of thousands of years.
Wow! I just turned into The Incredible Blushing Man!
Reverse X-Ray Man - He can see through solid lead, but nothing else.
Psyence: Projects a supernatural field, six feet in radius, centered on his center of gravity, that stops all supernatural phenemon within itself.
Snce his anti-supernatural-phenomenon field is supernatural, would it also stop itself?
That’s the point of the joke.
The Credible Hulk - an overweight man with a bad complexion and anger management problems. When angered, he doesn’t become completely irrational, but he does lose the ability to conjugate verbs.
Occultor - has the ability to extinguish streetlamps by walking under them.
I’m surprised no one has used these yet:
The Invisible Man —
His entire body is transparent to light. Since this includes his retinas, he is totally blind.
(On the bright side, he can’t be detected by enemies… unless he’s clothed… or dirty… or wet… or has a full bladder… or has recently eaten… or is carrying something… or if it’s raining or foggy or there’s a lot of dust in the air.)
The Ghost —
Has the ability to pass through solid objects. First discovered this power as a teen, when he fell uncontrollably through the solid mass of the Earth and died of suffocation a few minutes later.
This thread needs some Brunching Shuttlecock links. Here’s their suggested Unsuspected Superpowers. And whoever it was who suggested Gaydar might enjoy this.
My own offerings:
The Zapper – able to fry insects upon contact.
The Clapper – able to turn off any lights in the same room by clapping.
The Slapper – Tara Palmer-Tomkinson (sorry – small UK joke there)
Not to mention the old (but sadly not archived) article in The Onion titled, “I Have This Amazing Blackdar.”