Iron Man - He’s made entirely of iron. He can’t move or anything, because a big hunk of iron isn’t going to just move on its own. He’s really just a lifesized iron statue.
He appears as a normal checker in a grocery store, but when someone tries to go through the Express lane with more than the 10 item limit, he pulls out a chainsaw and guts them.
Manman - Bestowed by the gods the incredible powers of … a man!
The Human Ragdoll - Has no muscle, just a floppy guy.
X-treme Heartburn Soldier - Always has really bad heartburn. Crybaby.
The Fanboy - Knows every mundane fact about Star Wars/Trek, LOTR, Comics … nobody likes him.
But do 14 identical cans of tuna fish count as one item or 14 items? Kinda important to know if you don’t want to get chainsawed.
Kafkaman - Over an agonizingly long time, he can metamorphose into a cockroach. Turning back is another problem…
Heisenberg Woman - You never can tell exactly where she is and exactly how fast she is going at the same time.
The Incredible Orgasim - Can spontaneously climax, but only at the most innap… oh OH OH HOLY CRAP!!!
Intox “I Love You!” Man - He can spontaneously become drunk, without imbuing a single drop of alcohol.
Pothead “Look at my Hand!” Dude - Intox’s side-kick, he can become high without smoking a single bud.
Been done – Rob Schneider on Saturday Night Live.
Well, gee, sorry! Haven’t watched that show since the Bush Sr. Administration…
Seriously, people are going to come up with ideas that have been done before, it’s just the way minds work.
Anyways, here’s some more…
Danger Pointer - He can point out blatenly obvious dangerous events a few moments before they hit. He can’t do anything about it, just point at it, saying “Look, there’s danger!”
Pi Noon - Can accurately recite the first three thousand digits of pi if he starts at exactly 12 noon.
Deja Vu - Can induce a mild feeling of deja vu in his enemies.
Murphy - Any thing bad that can happen to him, will (and at the worst possible time).
That reminds me of Batbat, who occasionally appeared on episodes of the Ralph Bakshi Mighty Mouse. Batbat was a bat who dressed up in a bat costume to fight crime. He drove around in the Manmobile, which had four hairy human legs instead of wheels.
Based on some superhero comics/cartoons I’ve seen, every team should have this guy. 
The Collater - Can sort any paper pages that are out of order inhumanly fast.
Anal Annie - Can remove loose threads from other heros’ costumes with her mind!
Easter Bunny - Knows all the secret items/locations/features of every computer or video game. Also has a fluffy cotton tail.
Altoid - Can make anyone’s breath minty fresh. He’s also curiously strong.
Plus, she doubles as a porn star.
Anti-Histaman – helps with your allergies but makes you drowsy
Actually, I’m partial to Vuja de: can induce the feeling that this has never happened to you before. Temporary intrigue & ensuing pause to think about it in enemies helpful in combat (run away!).
And, in an ironic twist of life imitating art, the new X-Men movie REALLY DOES have some new, crappy, useless mutants in it!!
Such as:[ul][li]A boy whose tongue looks reptilian when he sticks it out! And[/li]A kid who can change the channels on a TV set in the same room with him – with his mind![/ul]
[hijack] Technically, this phenomenon is properly called jamais vu, the illusory sensation of never having previously encountered what should be a familiar situation or setting. [/hijack]
Yeah, but George Carlin called it vuja de.
And after all, who’re you gonna believe? A stuffy old clinical psychology textbook, or George Carlin?
Worryman: Makes people nervous, since he’s so useless.
SmellULator: Has the ability to smell one hour into the future!
PainRoid: Can induce painful itching and burning in any hemorrhoid within a 100 yard radius.
The Threadmeister
Has the awesome ability to think up lame superpowers.
Tanman- Has the ability to make his whole body go slightly browner for a short period of time.
George - The ability to cause his own left ear to itch slightly.
Mr limp - Able to cause people in close proximity (i.e. about an inch away) to have an acute limp.
suismo - does not feel pleasure when sneezing.